[rdgrad15]

I feel like I am overly emotional about this topic since I only mentioned it to a couple of people in real life as well as on here obviously. To put it short, I hate big changes. For some reason, I feel like I get way more depressed about big changes than I should. Those big changes are usually if I graduate from somewhere, or just in general, the end of a school year.

I didn't experience these feelings as much during my elementary and middle school years, but during my high school and college years, I absolutely hated the end of the year. And even now, since I am employed by a school district, I hated it when the school year came to an end. Although I didn't feel depressed, I still felt the same old familiar feeling of not knowing what to do and just feeling bored in general.

I know it is stupid to get depressed over that stuff, and also whenever it is time to graduate, but I just can't help it. I know everyone gets a bit sad when they graduate, but they are also happy. I was really not happy to graduate. Yes I was glad to have a degree, but at the same time, I was just overwhelmed with depression at that time and I feel like it is somewhat abnormal. I hate being at home so that probably has something to do with it. But I just feel like I get way more depressed than I should and I feel dumb.

Any way to deal with these kinds of emotions or how to lessen the severity of them? In terms of graduating, I am well past that since that was back in May of 2015. Yes I still miss being independent and living away from home, but I no longer dwell on missing college like I used to. When I go to visit, I don't feel as bad or as awkward about the fact that I am no longer a student there.

But I know there will be times when it all happens again. Like, leaving a job I like, or graduating from grad school. Or anything else big that happens in my life. I think it is also just the thought that people will lose touch as well, which understandably happens. I just, for some reason, don't deal with change well at all. I hate the feeling of the unknown and what could happen. I feel really stupid for getting this down at times, but it just happens.

Those are just some examples of events that have happened that I got way more depressed about than I feel like I should have been. Like, when I graduated, I felt like I didn't want to do anything else, since I was just so sad that I had to move back home. When a different school district no longer wanted me due to a false claim of some sort by a possibly miserable teacher, I also felt very depressed.

Even though getting substitute jobs are easy, literally anyone can get it. All you need is a college degree and no criminal history. But I still felt the same feeling of not wanting to do anything and no wanting to get out of bed. I didn't feel that way when the school year ended this past year when I worked at a new district, but I felt depressed when the school years during high school, and more so at college, ended even when it was not time for me to graduate yet.

Does anyone else have this kind of problem, where they get way more anxious, scared, or depressed than most people around them do? Especially events that include moving on, where everyone seems so happy and upbeat but you are just depressed inside, but bottling up in order to not break the happy mood? I know I did that, I made it seem like I was thrilled to leave, even though inside, I was dreading it. How do you deal with these feelings if you experience this?

[Thunder Bow]

You deserve success. Maybe you feel you do not deserve success, and feel bad about yourself to much. See a therapist if the depression is overwhelming. Change can be exciting and scary at the same time. It can even trigger depression.

[Frankbtl]

Hi rgrad,

You've mentioned feeling stupid and dumb............being depressed about something doesn't make you stupid or dumb...........you're not stupid or dumb
The times that you're talking about involve leaving something behind........something being over that you can't return to..........a sudden gap in your life..........a very real loss
So I'd say it's OK to feel really down at times that involve those factors
And you're also throwing other things into the equation as in the "What will happen next", a degree of insecurity and instability, a lack of really familiar routine...........and some stress, so stress as well can contribute to feeling "down" or depressed.
So no more feeling stupid, hey??!!
But how to try to make it a bit easier in future...........??
Perhaps try not to lose focus on the achievements you've made during that time, and there can be a multitude of achievements of all sizes sometimes, and try to be proud of them??
Reflect on things you may have learnt in that time, and recognise how they may have added to your future in moving on............allow them to give you more faith in how far you've progressed and how far you can progress in taking those things forward??
If you know something might be/will be ending try to have some focus, before it does, on what you might find rewarding in the future..........have some goals in mind and something to look on and up to (even if you do change them or find new ones when the time comes!!) ??
If it helps, keep some meaningful souvenirs of that time e.g. photo's to think back positively on??
Take some of the skills or passions you acquired at the time forward with you..........e.g. in reading more about........in doing more of...........to help you embrace that time instead of so much lamenting it's loss??
Give yourself more credit for the person you've become as a result of all those experiences, and each had to end to get you to where you are today..........to pave the way ahead??
Maybe try to accept some of the sadness you're unavoidably going to feel and show yourself some self-compassion at those times, and try to schedule in more self-care including things that may make you feel even just a tiny bit better??
Before the changes happen, try to put plenty of thought into establishing links for the future e.g. do you want to arrange to revisit at some point, do you want to arrange to meet up for casual drinks with someone, or do you want to exchange email addresses with someone before the ending??
But remember none of those times/experiences are gone, they are still with you, enriching you in being the person you are today and will be tomorrow



Alison

Save

[Erin Hay Hay]

Hi rdgrad15 and good luck with that new stage in your life! I come from a super stable environment, but I chose a career that has forced/allowed me to move to 5 countries before the age of 30 (and soon it might be 6). In my case, it was exposure to what I feared that cured my anxiety. As I write, I'm getting prepared to move again and believe me, it breaks my heart to leave some people behind! The thing is that when I get anxious about the future, I look back and think on how things were when I first came to this country five years ago: I didn't know ANYTHING or ANYONE. Now, I have a pretty solid group of friends and even if I lose contact with some of them, some will be in touch even if it's just a couple of times per year. So as I get ready to move to another country yet again, I tell myself that there is no reason why this time it would be different: it'll definitely take time, but in the end I'll meet new people and they'll grow on me. PLUS, I'll have a bunch of friends (even if it's just a couple) that will Skype/come visit from time to time. From my point of perspective, it's a win-win situation!

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Thunder Bow

You deserve success. Maybe you feel you do not deserve success, and feel bad about yourself to much. See a therapist if the depression is overwhelming. Change can be exciting and scary at the same time. It can even trigger depression.

Thank you. And it is no so much that I don't think I deserve success, I definitely am proud of my accomplishments. I just get really anxious when it is time to move on. Like, it is a combination of being glad I accomplished something but not wanting to move on. Wishing I could accomplish things while keeping some things the same. And usually, for most cases, the depression doesn't last long. It goes away after time.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi rgrad,

You've mentioned feeling stupid and dumb............being depressed about something doesn't make you stupid or dumb...........you're not stupid or dumb
The times that you're talking about involve leaving something behind........something being over that you can't return to..........a sudden gap in your life..........a very real loss
So I'd say it's OK to feel really down at times that involve those factors
And you're also throwing other things into the equation as in the "What will happen next", a degree of insecurity and instability, a lack of really familiar routine...........and some stress, so stress as well can contribute to feeling "down" or depressed.
So no more feeling stupid, hey??!!
But how to try to make it a bit easier in future...........??
Perhaps try not to lose focus on the achievements you've made during that time, and there can be a multitude of achievements of all sizes sometimes, and try to be proud of them??
Reflect on things you may have learnt in that time, and recognise how they may have added to your future in moving on............allow them to give you more faith in how far you've progressed and how far you can progress in taking those things forward??
If you know something might be/will be ending try to have some focus, before it does, on what you might find rewarding in the future..........have some goals in mind and something to look on and up to (even if you do change them or find new ones when the time comes!!) ??
If it helps, keep some meaningful souvenirs of that time e.g. photo's to think back positively on??
Take some of the skills or passions you acquired at the time forward with you..........e.g. in reading more about........in doing more of...........to help you embrace that time instead of so much lamenting it's loss??
Give yourself more credit for the person you've become as a result of all those experiences, and each had to end to get you to where you are today..........to pave the way ahead??
Maybe try to accept some of the sadness you're unavoidably going to feel and show yourself some self-compassion at those times, and try to schedule in more self-care including things that may make you feel even just a tiny bit better??
Before the changes happen, try to put plenty of thought into establishing links for the future e.g. do you want to arrange to revisit at some point, do you want to arrange to meet up for casual drinks with someone, or do you want to exchange email addresses with someone before the ending??
But remember none of those times/experiences are gone, they are still with you, enriching you in being the person you are today and will be tomorrow



Alison

Save

Thank you for everything you said. Yeah I always do treasure the memories of the past, and there are times when I don't want to move on since the future is scary. The fear of losing people very familiar tends to be very profound, but I agree with everything you said. I appreciate everything you told me Alison.

[xraychick01]

I know how you feel. I do not do well with change either. It's scary for me. I see people all the time facing new adventures and change all the time with a happy, positive attitude. They seem to be able to accept and embrace it. Me? It scares the crap out of me and it makes me very anxious. I don't know how to cope with change. This is something I wish to work on when I start seeing my therapist. I want to be able to embrace change and not let it scare the crap out of me.

I genuinely don't mean this in the way that it might read, but FWIW I felt the same as you until my late 20s and then it got easier. I'm now nearly 50, and I found that getting older helped me get used to it. Perhaps be patient with yourself? Time can heal. ((Hugs))