I've accomplished all of my short term goals. Why am I depressed?

Can anyone relate to this? I feel like I have no "good" reason to be unhappy, yet I'm having a hard time getting out of bed; I'm always sleepy; I'm constantly moping; I'm crying daily.

About 18 months ago I was unemployed. I was for almost a year and it was hard. (One of the worst phases in my life.) Before I was laid off I was working in a very stressful job I hated so up until now, my work life hasn't been good. I'm all settled at my current job and it's pretty much a dream. Decent pay. No stress. Short commute. Great hours. Good team. I also have time to take a few courses as I plan to obtain a much (2x) higher paying job in the next few years. How many people have the luxury of getting paid to prepare for a better paying job? Not many.

My social life has also improved. I've always had friends, but I'm a bit closed off. I've had a friend since public school whom I adore. I've wanted to open up to her for years (until recently I've always kept her at a distance) and when I finally took the plunge it all paid off: We're closer than ever and she's the first best friend I've had in years. Anyone who's a little withdrawn and closed off from friends will understand just how big this step was for me. I'm finally that affectionate and loving friend I've always wanted to be.

I play competitive soccer. It's more than a hobby. It's a lifestyle. I play/practice 3-4x/week so it's what keeps me social as well as active. For the last 3 years I've been fighting for my spot on the team. I've been paranoid I won't be asked to play when the indoor or outdoor seasons start and that I'd be left with no team. Things have worked out in this area of my life as well and I now fit in well enough with my team that I feel secure. I'm also being put in the position I want to play so all of my hard work has paid off. I'm closer to a few other girls on the team as well. Before, I always felt like just a teammate. Now, I'm a friend as well.

Things with my relationship are awesome. I got married in the summer and my husband is simply the best. We've opened a joint savings account and I get to see the balance go UP. Him and I are also in a really good place with each other, our families, etc.

The only things that have gone "wrong" are completely fixable, but it's like I'm STUCK on them. My wedding photos turned out horrible and it's all my fault. I had a great photographer, but I couldn't sit still during the process and cut my time short because I really wanted to enjoy my day. I did enjoy my day (it was awesome), but I look back at these photos and just feel so ugly. Husband has agreed that we'll have another photo shoot on our first year anniversary in which he'll rent his tux again and i'll get back in my dress, have my hair and makeup done, etc. so soon enough I'll have gorgeous photos to reflect on which is every bride's dream.

I haven't gained weight, but I do seem to look... Bad. It's like I'm not aging well and I don't know what else to do about it. I feel lost and ugly. I feel like I need to change my diet and exercise and beauty regime, but I'm lost as to where to start. I want to make a change before this issue turns into an actual problem and I'm a whale.

In sum, I really have nothing to complain about. But I feel so sad. So lost. Like I don't know what's left in my life. Do I just need a new goal? New hobby? Is this a mid life crisis?

Depression often can't be explained other than a chemical imbalance in the brain. I would suggest that you talk to your doctor about it. Best wishes to you.

Hello LaDauphine: Well... a couple of things here. First, as gayleggg mentioned, the current thinking at least with regard to depression is that it is a neurochemical imbalance in the brain. So it isn't simply a matter of what's going on around you & how you respond to it.

The other thing (at least as I have come to understand it) is that, over time, pathways get worn into the brain. Our mental processes tend to keep travelling down those same old pathways... sort-of like cars that can't get out of a rut in the street. So, as a result, even though circumstances may have changed dramaatically for the better for you, it's going to take time, & perhaps effort, for you to "reprogram" your brain, so to speak.

There is one other concept I have run across that may be relevant here. Current neuroscience research is showing much more of who we are, & what we do, is controlled by areas of our brains to which we have no conscious access than we would typically imagine. So while consciously you know that your circumstances have changed dramatically for the better, non-conscious areas of your brain may still be telling you that things are bad.

So how does one address this? Well... the passage of time itself may help. And, of course, there's therapy (I'm sure you knew that...), meditation, physical exercise, you know the drill... A new goal & / or a new hobby might help too, anything that you can do that can help to build new feelings of positivity where once there was sorrow. Yes, I suppose there could be something of a " mid-life crisis" brewing here as well. (I guess I still kind-of remember what one of those was like!) That could be at the root of why you feel you're not aging well. However, even if there is an element of mid-life crisis at play here, I think the remedies are probably the same. I wish you well...

Congratulations on the goals - and the wedding!

I make sure when I set goals that they are incremental, achievable, and measurable. One thing that may have been missed, is have you rewarded yourself for making good of your own goals?

I think you're borderline depressed.

Here's an interesting brain function questionnaire that sounds like it applies to you. Look at the 'O' group where your life seems incomplete and something is missing in your life. I think your brain isn't producing the needed neurotransmitters to where you look forward to tomorrow.

http://drjolee.com/Brain-Function-Questionnaire.pdf

You know... I really haven't. I don't want to be a brat and am trying to embrace the fact that life is (in itself) the reward. Maybe I SHOULD do something to reward myself? It can't be a materialistic thing because my husband is very good at spoiling me that way (another thing I should be happy about... He's spending hte evening putting together a brand new bed I just had to have and will be late coming home so he can pick up a new engagement ring since the one I initially had wasn't big enough for me... sigh).
I wonder if I need some type of mental reward.

THank you so much for such a practical response. I'll defintely pick myself up the suggested DLPA!

Glad to be of service.

I find that without DLPA I'm borderline depressed, but with it, life is worth living.

That's what's so annoying about depression. It can strike with no good reason, seemingly out of the blue. I hope you find the right solution for you, and I wish I had an explanation for you, but sadly I don't. Good luck anyway

Another thing I should have mentioned, but didn't think about it until it happened.

I NEVER allow myself time to enjoy the aftermath of something I've earned. It's like I'm afraid to get stuck. You know the ex football star who returns to highschool to relive his glory days? It's not just sports I'm referring to either (although that is my example), it's everything.

I worked very hard to score at last night's game. The girl who used to be in competition with me was on my line when we're usually split up. Anyway, I scored first and instead of applauding myself or being happy, all I could think was, "Ok, that's done. Time to focus on another one." It's like I'm nevver good enough.