[xRavenx]

When you are angry with someone important in your life, how do you try to cope with that anger in a healthy way? Sometimes when someone does something hurtful to me, I flip out initially, but shortly after feel ready to "let it go." I'll tell the person everything is fine (because in that moment, I truly think it is), but my feelings of anger return later on when I'm alone. Then, it later hits me that I'm still mad at the person......and hurt, but don't know how to deal with those feelings since just a few hours before, I felt fine and as if I was over the situation.

Any thoughts or feedback on how to deal with returning feelings of anger; just when you thought you were over something?

[Gojamadar]

Any thoughts or feedback on how to deal with returning feelings of anger?

The thoughts of anger usualy return when there are no other thoughts on hand.
Think of a sunny day in pleasant surroundings or start doing something useless like I do

[leejosepho]

Being angry and holding resentment (to re-think, re-feel or re-hash things) against others is like giving people rent-free space in our brains while they (the other people) are sleeping, and being aware of that is at least part of my motivation for trying to live anger-free or at least free of being controlled or driven by anger. For myself, returning feelings of anger come from me thinking about me rather than considering the other person's reality. There might not always be anything I can do to help satisfy the other person's need or desire behind his or her actions that angered me, but I can at least come to terms with the fact she or he was usually just making his or her own best effort at life.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Gojamadar

The thoughts of anger usualy return when there are no other thoughts on hand.
Think of a sunny day in pleasant surroundings or start doing something useless like I do

Thanks Yes, it helps me to light some candles in my room, take a bath sometimes, and just listen to music. Although the thoughts come and go, at least it's a way to work towards letting go.

Originally Posted by leejosepho

Being angry and holding resentment (to re-think, re-feel or re-hash things) against others is like giving people rent-free space in our brains while they (the other people) are sleeping, and being aware of that is at least part of my motivation for trying to live anger-free or at least free of being controlled or driven by anger. For myself, returning feelings of anger come from me thinking about me rather than considering the other person's reality. There might not always be anything I can do to help satisfy the other person's need or desire behind his or her actions that angered me, but I can at least come to terms with the fact she or he was usually just making his or her own best effort at life.

Very well said. Thanks for giving me this to think about. It's true we each have our own realities, life experiences, and perspectives. Maybe DBT is something I'll try to use to stay in the "middle ground" to work towards letting go and not letting others control my actions and feelings. Also, when others are mad at me for not living up to their expectations, I think I need to approach it that I'm doing the best I can, and so is the other person. Usually these things do pass with time, space, and regrouping. I was just in a difficult place yesterday, but I'm feeling a little bit better today.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'd say try to find some distraction is the best way.. I'm sorry you're dealing with this

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

Maybe DBT is something I'll try to use to stay in the "middle ground" to work towards letting go and not letting others control my actions and feelings...
...doing the best I can, and so is the other person.

Yes. The person I am at any given moment (and whether ill or well at that moment) simply does whatever someone like me will do in that kind of moment...and then the same is also true for everyone else, I believe. So the challenge is to remember we each-and-all have natural instincts and desires in need of satisfaction and fulfillment and that somebody somewhere must be acting well at one time or another -- Let there be peace and let it begin with me -- in order for anyone at all (including myself) to ever end up feeling needed, wanted and loved.

[JustJace2u]

I wish I had an answer.

[divine1966]

My therapist says that idle time is bad for people who like to overthink. So keeping busy is better