how to accept reality

Addictions, self destructive habits, health issues and neglect over the years have left me looking somewhat like a 40 year old at 25. I'm doing a little better than I was 2 years ago, I'm healthier and have more self control but the damage has already been done. I live everyday in regret, I feel like kicking myself for not really appreciating how good my life was when I was 18. I had so many things going for me.

I avoid people, especially friends and family who knew me from back when I was 'popular' and was considered attractive. Some genuinely feel bad for me, I've also always had two-faced relatives that are secretly pretty happy about how I turned out now.

It's not that I don't have friends, but people have been treating me differently now, and don't look at me the same anymore, especially members of the opposite.... I feel so lame for even saying all this, but I had a bad day, and I don't have anyone to talk to.

I don't even know what I want, I don't want people to pretend everything's fine with me, but at the same time some 'jokes' hurt me. I'm sorry for such a confusing thread. I want company, but I need different kind of company? I don't know.

I had a good day when it comes to getting things done though, so there's that.

Your social situation is going from bad to worse.Time to find some new friends. You do not need to be around those kind of people.

It's difficult, but accept what you can't change and look at what you can do something about.

It's not easy I know.. Take my relatives for example. Some simply don't talk to me. Do I get worked up about it ? Yes ! But then i realise that in fact, that is there problem not mine, so then it is no logner my problem and therefore I have nothing to get worked up about.

Likewise, the only thing that should affect how i see myself, is me ! If I want to take up a hobby, sometimes the only thing stopping me is myself.

Meet some new people, expand your social group. Try not to spend too much time with people who are toxic to your own well being.

Yeah, it is. I fear I'm never going to find other friends. I know that's not true.

There are things I know I can change, and there are also things I *think* I can change. I used to be underweight, I thought I'd never be normal again, but I am now. I didn't even have to try that hard, I just focused on staying healthy and listening to my doctors and it made such a difference.

I realize that it's not my problem, like 90% of the time, but then suddenly I'll slip up and get worked up about it. even 9 times out of 10 is not good enough, I wish I had more control and consistency. I really wish I was the kind of person who didn't give a damn.

yeah hobbies are what I'm trying to focus on, I had given up on a hobby long time ago, but I am trying to rekindle my passion for it and it's kind of working. Only thing stopping me is MYSELF, definitely. I give my self reasons and excuses to not give 100% and I'm so tired of it.