[brandon9]

Okay, I've been on and off this site for awhile but I came back now because I'm totally losing my ****. Some of you may remember I had talked a lot about this girl I had fallen in love with that was leading me on; its really bad now. We totally stopped talking 3 weeks ago until yesterday, and it was really really ****ing bad:

I was at work, I had missed the entire month of November due to injury (still on workmans comp light duty) and it was the first day I've been back the same time as her. I hadn't spoken to her in 3 weeks, she got mad at me when I was awarded workmans comp and said I was just milking the company for money, I was wrong, etc etc etc (it was a injury totally out of my control mind you). Anyway, I cut through the produce room, which is my normal department and which she is filling in my spot until I can return to full duty (which I hated from the moment it was decided), but I'm just going about my business and she immediately got hostile and said I was only coming through to piss her off, and it turned into an argument about literally everything that happened between us, and like she said some stuff that seriously hurt me, she gave zero ****s..... Among many other things, she told me that I scared her. That just me being me, the fact that I wanted to be with her, that I was scary about it. All I ever did was try to show her I cared, I genuinely loved her, and she ****ing tells me that. That literally hurts me so ****ing bad, like what the **** am I if that's all I made her feel for so long, was afraid of me? Literally as soon as I left the produce room I stood in the bathroom for 15 minutes literally crying because she just cut through me in a way nobody ever has before, like I'm so upset by her. I was so upset by the time I left work, I was driving home and the thought crossed my mind that I wished a deer would just run out in front of me, because if something happened to me maybe that she would finally understand what the **** she did to me. I've never had any remotely suicidal thought like that in my life. She has totally destroyed my mind, I feel worthless and horrible and like I am just a total ****-up because of her. I wish I had never met her. I gave her literally everything of myself I could and she has done nothing but hurt me and ruin my sense of self worth. I told her yesterday, she's a damn disease.

I just don't know what to do... I can't tell my parents how messed up I am or I lose what little I do have. I can't just seek out a therapist because they'd find out. I'm so lonely all the time, like literally I am not kidding when I say my closest friend is my work manager who is 30 years old, like I just have nobody at all really. I'm surrounded by people who don't like me all the time. I'm starting to not give a **** what happens to me at all. And now I can't even go to work - the only place I feel at least some people like me - without **** like this happening. I'm terrified she's going to try to get me fired or something. I told my manager (him and I really are close out of work) and he said he'd deal with the work side of the issue with her, but I'm so ****ed up personally.... The worst part is she knows how she's hurt me, that she led me on, that she has degraded me so much, and she doesn't care at all, she just tries to pin everything on me and claim total innocence. She's a narcissistic, horrific, manipulative ***** and if I never had to see her again I would be okay with it. If she knew and could feel how badly she ****ed me up, she wouldn't be able to eat or sleep from the guilt of it.

I really just have no idea what to do, or what's wrong with me.

[unaluna]

Dude. The whole world is still open to you. You still have every opportunity. She is the one who is tied down with a kid. Live your own life..

[brandon9]

Originally Posted by unaluna

Dude. The whole world is still open to you. You still have every opportunity. She is the one who is tied down with a kid. Live your own life..

She doesn't have a kid? She's a year and three months younger than I am.

I don't see anything good in the world, like I really feel so alone and worthless. Like I'll never escape this hurting, lonely sadness that has filled my life.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry you feel this way..

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by brandon9

She doesn't have a kid? She's a year and three months younger than I am.

I don't see anything good in the world, like I really feel so alone and worthless. Like I'll never escape this hurting, lonely sadness that has filled my life.

Oh sorry. I guess i was still on the previous gf.

[shezbut]

((((( brandon9 )))))

I am sorry that you're feeling so hurt, alone, and angry.

Have you tried checking out any local emotional support groups in your community? Maybe take a class at the local community college for the heck of it & have it be a class for your personal interest (photography, art appreciation, music, etc.).

Just a couple of ideas to get you thinking about things that you CAN do. Things that will get you interacting with other people and feeling less alone in the world, hopefully. Very best wishes to you!

[Gojamadar]

Hi Brandon,
Katie is not for you! She regards you as she behaves towards you.
At present the best option for you would be to change your work place. I would not like to further discomfit you but that is your best option in your present situation. She is too old for you and if you think you're the only one in her life you're very much mistaken. If you were a bit more mature I would reccomend to you to take up an indifferent stance- that is to behave as if she was not even there! or if she was a complete stranger.
You should also disregard the friendship you assume shown towards you by the manager. He is simply being impartial.
Look for another job!

[nicoleflynn]

Therapists don't repeat anything you say in confidence.

[xenko]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

Therapists don't repeat anything you say in confidence.

That's not true NicoleFlynn Mine did and he did it more than once and with more than one person. He also did not have any valid excuse for doing so. It is a nightmare.

[divine1966]

I am sorry you are struggling. I hope you seek help ASAP.

What girlfriend is that one? The last one was much older than you and had no moral standards (no decent grown woman would mess with high school student who is not of legal age).You also claimed to be madly in love.

Less than a year later you are madly in love with new girl who sounds worse than the first!

And all these women work with you? I'd recommend not date anyone at work. Its disastrous. I also think you need to talk to a therapist why are you attracted to low class or mean women? And I also think you might consider changing working place.

Are you in college? If not I suggest you enroll to at least part time in community college if not university. Start dating college students not these less than suitable women.

But most of all do seek help please. If you are 18 you don't need your parents permission.