Intense hatred for ex-friend. Can't function.

Basically, she stole a guy from me.

I'm the kind of person that couldn't hurt a fly, but my days and nights are spent fantasizing about torturing her in the most painful ways. I hate her with every single part of me. I can't fathom how she had the nerve to do this, I can't fathom it. Who did she think she was? It's always the quiet ones that you never suspect. I spend every minute of every day hoping he cheats on her in the worst way, with a family member even. I hope even more that she gets run over or crushed by an escalator... anything.

I know this isn't healthy and I simply want to move on but I can't when hatred is eating away at me. I blocked her everywhere yet I still can't get her out of my mind (in a negative way of course). I just want to forget about her so I can be the happy carefree person I was before. How can I do this?

* It probably doesn't help that I still want him in my life, I'm not angry with him at all, just her. I think him and I could be really good friends but I absolutely do NOT want to hear anything about her. Do I have to cut contact with him as well?

Please help.

Why do you still want him in your life but not her? Just curious. I'm sorry you're going through this. Welcome to PC by the way.

Thank you so much, I think I'll like this forum.

I see good friend material in him, and after all he's only a guy (you know they don't exactly think with their top heads most of the time). She on the other hand knew exactly what she was doing.

Thank you, I think I'll really like this forum.

I see good friend material in him, and he's only a guy- you know they don't exactly think with their (top) heads most of the time. She on the other hand knew exactly what she was doing, in a nutshell.

Hi,
Hate is a negative emotion that hurts the hater a lot more than the hated!
She did not steel your boyfriend, he chose her. You must belive that he was not worth your time.
Instead of hate choose indifference. that will give you peace of mind.

I used to think really strange things about my (ex) husband's mistress.

Like wtf would happen if a bus just suddenly knocked her over and she died?

I didn't intentionally wish to cause harm on her via myself.

I think it was just a way for me to work out at all angles what my life would be like if she never existed in the first place.

Those thoughts came and went in the first few months.

I don't think about it much anymore, and hopefully your thoughts, for your own sake, will begin to settle too.

@OP: Could you give us a larger context? You said she stole a guy from you. What was this guy to you? A friend, a boyfriend? How did she steal him from you? What you feel is natural (although not healthy).

It was a friends-with-benefits kind of deal. I introduced them to each other (not purposely, she came over my apt when he was with me so I had to) and the next thing I know, like a week later, I drive by her house to see him there. They're together now.

A decent person would not steal your guy. Your friend's true colors have been revealed.

I'm sorry you feel this way. What happened precisely? I'm guessing he chose to be with her.. did your friend know that you loved him? Are you still in contact with her or did she stop talking to you?

I completely cut her off. I don't think I loved him but I thought it was pretty obvious I felt *something*, even if it was just close friendship. Either way, he was "'my" guy, you know? He's really not a relationship person so I have no clue how she convinced him to be with her, I really don't feel like it was his full choice though.

I wouldn't like it either. Sorry this happened to you. How was she in your life? How long had you been friends? Your response was natural and justified, but maybe you need to take your time before making a decision if she was a good friend before all of this. Just a suggestion.

Good point. We were what I would call good friends for about 6 months. She was always really sweet (the only person who was nice to me actually) until this. I guess this showed she was never a good friend. It just sucks because now I'm back to having no friends.

Probably they shouldn't have done this behind your back, especially if they knew each others just for a short time. But the fact is, we cannot control what people do. I hope you can find peace to get rid of the resentment. It's not healthy for you, as you said in the title that you cannot function.

It takes two to tango. She was hurtful to do this to you yes, but HE is just to blame. Just because "he's a guy" doesn't give him a free pass. I am sorry that just doesn't fly. He is just as much to blame as her.

I do hope you find peace though since they BOTH hurt you so much.

I don't feel like I can blame him, I've only known him for about 2 weeks now while her I've known for months and months. Besides I just feel in my gut that she had everything to do with this and probably messed with his emotions to get him to do what she wanted (he's very sensitive).

I hope I can find it as well. talking about it is helping me a lot already.

2 weeks of wham bam thank u ma'am VS 6 months of solid friendship...

Sorry but in this particular situation I would choose to forgive my friend over a booty call.

He was never yours to steal anyway, and truth be told, he chose her freely. If he was thinking with the head you're assuming he is, then he would've either stayed with you, or tried having both of you as fwb. He wouldn't be relationshipping. If I would be mad at anyone it would be him, because I was lead to believe that he only ever wanted casual sex because he's not the relationship type, and then BOOM! He dumps me to be my best friends bf... Like wtf, what a total liar and a douche.

Now my friend, if she knew I liked him as more than a booty call, then yes, shame on her and it would hurt like hell. But if I never told her I was into him... Well, people aren't mind readers.

Really sorry you're hurting, I was in a similar situation at one point, lucky for me I chose to forgive my friend, because a decade later the boy is long forgotten and I still have my friendship in tact.

I hope you start healing from this experience soon, and also give the opposite gender some credit, they do have brains and can use them when they choose to.

You're stronger than me, then. She knew I felt something. She knew I preferred sleeping with him over my boyfriend and even considered breaking up with him. I think that's enough.

I feel like they were originally FWBs but then she convinced him to get with her, I highly doubt he's happy. I really don't think he lied about not being a relationship person.

I just can't help but feel very slighted by her especially since he's the one who told me they were a couple now.

Wait. You've been sleeping with another guy when you've been in a relationship with your boyfriend?

Sounds like you wanted the best of both worlds.

You have a bf???

Don't be so greedy girl, give your ex friend a chance at love too.

This new info confirms she stole nothing from you, you still have your bf.

PS, I'm not stronger, I've just always favoured logic over irrational emotions.

I agree. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

Here is an article about letting go of past hurts. It helped me tremendously. I hope it helps you too.

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...ys-to-move-on/

Not necessarily, he lived an entire state away.

If the relationship isn't working for you, being that he lived an entire state away, and you couldn't remain faithful to him, then you should have ended the relationship. It's not fair to either guy, IMHO.

HOLD THE PHONE!!!..
You are ANGRY at a friend for "stealing" a random dude YOU were CHEATING on your BF WITH???!!!!
I'm sorry but you got NO GROUNDS for your level of anger or behaviour in general!!
PLEASE SEEK THERAPY ASAP!

I still think they shouldn't have met behind your back this fast because you introduced them as friends not as a match, but at the same time, you need to acknowledge that not all of our wishes and desires come true. This guy obviously has made a decision you didn't like with or without the influence of your friend.

Your friend has been a friend with you for six months and you described her as a good and nice friend until this happened, while this guy you have known only for 2 weeks. I think the guy is more to blame than your friend, but probably your emotions don't allow you to see it this way.

You will get stronger as you get older and have experience in life. You don't need an excuse or an immediate alternative for your current relationship if you aren't happy. Set yourself free and explore other options that work for you.