The Problem of No Problems

I really meant to reply to this earlier, but now is as good of a time as any I guess...

You mentioned an inability to connect in one of your previous posts. I've had the same problem. Even with peers with all the same interests, I feel like I don't know what to say or when to say it. And therefore I usually don't speak in groups unless someone asks me something directly. One on one is easier if the other person's "rhythm" is easy to follow so I know when to speak. I don't know if you can relate to any of that, but I don't know how I'm supposed to connect to anyone if I don't know when to speak or what to say.

I have an easier time with people who aren't peers for some reason...adults when I was a child, professors/teachers, and other adults that are my parents' age and older sometimes, but I suppose it's because those relationships are on unequal footing. It's certainly not the same as a relationship with a peer I would assume. But with peers I certainly do not fit in.

I also relate to this. I don't think I offer much to others other than being able to do their homework for them or favors for them and I just end up being badly used. I imagine I do have a sense of humor, but it's the sort of humor that people either really like or gets me into too much trouble. So I suppose that most of the time I have the wrong kind of humor.

I really can't get personal anymore either, although perhaps for different reasons. My core identity is "wrong", therefore I can't share it with people or they'll think I'm a creep or a freak. I'm afraid if I share anything, it's oversharing.

Anything to do with work or school I could probably talk about, but most people prefer not to talk about that stuff on their "off hours". I try to be part of conversations, but I have nothing to contribute.

I wonder, have you ever looked for or interacted with others on the spectrum or have the traits? If you have, is it any easier to interact with them? The only person I've ever really connected with and understood is on the spectrum, so that's why I'm wondering. Maybe that's the secret.

I do prefer one on one conversations, but, like you, I have problems connecting with people even with the same interests, this is of course after I overcome the first stage of approaching people and initiate a talk. I noticed this pattern with people I talk to: people get interested in me quickly, but then discovered something and become disinterested.

People like to have "fun" or to relax or to take it easy. I don't know how to do that. I'm intense and anxious all the time, and talk about topics that don't interest most people when out (I don't know what to talk about otherwise). Also, I tend to focus on the topics more than on people. I'm usually task-oriented.

I don't know anyone on the spectrum. I guess I haven't met one because I haven't clicked with any one I met.

That whole connection issue, has been with me most of my days. One of my old high school friends called me autistic when she was drunk. I was so stuck in my own head and wrapped up with myself at high school, then the manic phases kicked in about 4th year and I could make people laugh , but I was still alone with no best pal to speak of...
Fast forward a couple of years and I end up in hospital so from 18-28(now) whats supposed to be best days of my life have been wasted because of my "condition." I am riddled with anxiety and socially awkward so I really have two dependable friends but I wish I had a " bestie"

Ive had to learn how to "chill", the past few years. You can do it just try and wind down a bit. Maybe ask sum1 to do something if it breaks the ice like go bowling, play pool, or watch a film and drink. Gives you something to do, task related like you said.

I also used to get quite obsessed with things and I would feel comfort knowing I had something on, I did martial arts too!! I was a black belt and taught. I did it because my mum and dad wouldn't let me hang with my friends because they hung around with a "druggie crowd" so maybe I missed out. So relaxing was never my thing.

When I got ill I was obsessed with reading, as I wanted to be a writer it gave me an aim and purpose. I desperately sought an identity, over having good friends. I regret it and I'm paying the price but one day i'll have a career. You have that going for you, so you ARE capable of great things.

Have you heard of AYN RAND. Her novels are all about INDIVIDUALISM. I highly recommend!!

Sometimes you have to give up first before you start looking again. You could try and let things be, for a while.

I think trying to find people on the spectrum may be a good tactic. Create a profile that says what your affliction is or is that too forward ? One of my friends I met in the psyche ward and we got closer through clubs directed at mental health problems

Umm, I'm gonna have to burst a bubble - you're socializing here quite a lot.
*pats on the back*