*** Venting ***

*** I realize that most of my posts here are negative. I don't wish for others to adopt my view or be affected by it. If you are hopeful in life and looking for positive posts to encourage you, I don't recommend reading my posts ***

It's still in the morning, and I already feel this day is one of those days in which nothing is working. I couldn't sleep last night because my anxiety was in the sky worrying about my health and my future. I forced myself to go out to have some work done, and I usually don't go out because I'm in a very low mood. In one place the woman was rude to me although I think I was the first one she sees. In the other place nothing worked as I was planning. All using public transportation, and I hate public transportation because I feel anxious around people. It's one of those days where I wish I haven't been. It's one of those days where I ask myself "why did my parents bring me here?". I just want to know why people bring children to suffer in this world. I wish I just vanish and die already to rest from all of this. My life has been nothing but bad days and tears. I'm already dead from the inside. I wish I had good memories to cherish and be hopeful. I don't. Not a single good memory. I can see more suffering is coming because in this life you either actively live to be happy or you slowly and painfully die. I don't want to live because my hope is zero, but I don't want to die. I fear death, but I hate life.

[Skeezyks]

(((Mr Stranger)))

[Bill3]

[Lolina]

Sometimes it's hard to see the bright side of life above all when you have to deal with lots of negativity. I have been there even though I don't have any idea to what extent your soul is trouble but I can tell you one thing if you are on this earth it's because you matter and things can change very quickly, no matter how bad it seems.

I really hope you will feel better and enjoy life to the fullest.

Originally Posted by Lolina

Sometimes it's hard to see the bright side of life above all when you have to deal with lots of negativity. I have been there even though I don't have any idea to what extent your soul is trouble but I can tell you one thing if you are on this earth it's because you matter and things can change very quickly, no matter how bad it seems.

I really hope you will feel better and enjoy life to the fullest.

I wish I had your mindset. Being positive and optimistic is essential for living, and I actually encourage it in others and admire it. But I don't have it. Maybe, one day if I live long enough to witness change, when I look back I can say things do work out eventually and I was here for a reason, and I was prepared for something, but I cannot see this right now. Too many issues have been going on. Struggles at all levels. You may argue that I've done something in life, but I don't feel like it. On the contrary, I feel like nothing, like nobody. Anyway, thanks for your post. I appreciate it.

[Lolina]

You are welcome Mr Stranger. I have read some of your posts and you have lots of qualities: caring, compassionate and you understand people well. Have you tried to supplement with b complex, magnesium. Sometimes an umbalanced of this stuff can make us feel like crap. Anyway hold on you will get through this. Every situation is temporary

[DechanDawa]

You need to start doing things differently in order to bring a different result.

Have you considered medication, therapy, group therapy, vitamin therapy, meditation, ECT, CBT group, CBT and DBT centered therapy?

When you isolate and are very emotional, and have sucidial ideation, as expressed in this thread, have you called crisis hotlines to talk to the counselors and volunteers? It can help to reach out and talk to another human being rather than to allow your mental pain to escalate. They can help you in the moment.

You are in too much pain. You cannot continue to allow yourself to be in this much pain as it is akin to self-harming.

You need to reach out to your health care provider, emergency crisis services, counselors, therapists, and anyone else in your community. You need to come up with some treatment plan.

It seems that CBT and DBT might be good for you as you tend to allow your thoughts and emotions escalate and you don't seem to use coping skills to help manage these symptoms.