[sleeplessinsask]

Forgiving myself has been the most difficult thing I have faced in my life. I was with my girlfriend for 3 years and I was untrue to her. I was completely emotionally unaware and impulsive about the things i did. I was also drinking alot and in hindsight was somewhat of an alcoholic. But that's no excuse; it just contributed to my feelings being numb. She found out that I had lied about things and was unfaithful, and our relationship fall apart and she left me.
It's been 1 year since she left I came crashing down to reality. The guilt, regret and sense of loss are overwhelming every single day. I haven't slept for months. The feelings I have are just like a broken record in my mind. I can't stop thinking about her.
The result of this turmoil has changed me completely. I am fully in touch with my emotions and everything is so clear to me now. I can’t even believe I had done such a bad thing and I was so stupid. I never realized how much I loved her and cared about her while we were together. She was the best thing to have ever happened to me and was the love of my life. I can't believe that I had hurt such a kind, caring and loving woman and then lost her.
There's nothing in the world that I wouldn't give for another chance with her and to make things right. I have wrote her 2 letters in the last year in which I apologized as much as I could, after I sent the second one, she texted me and told me it made her mad, to leave her alone and to get on with my life. I have taken this really hard. I never knew I could ever end up feeling like this. The regret is so overwhelming that it's affecting me while at work and can't concentrate on anything. I have tried going the gym everyday for months for some relief but it was short-lived. I'm reading self-help books and doing meditation and yoga in hopes to achieve some peace of mind but I feel like this is going to take a long time...I don't know how one can simply just forgive themselves for hurting somebody they loved and still do love so much. Please Help

[zijax]

All you can do is learn from your past and move on. Have you stopped drinking. That is called a living ammends, more than just saying your sorry but living a better way. She is not perfect either. There were problems that maybe you can't see because of rose colored glasses right now and an illusion of guilt. Stop beating yourself up and move on. You will find another beautifull person to be with in time and hopefully not make the same mistake. Stay away from the booze.Move forward, leave the past except to not repeat it, enjoy your present, mourn but move on, life is short, you're worth a new beginning with someone new.

[Gojamadar]

Hi,

.I don't know how one can simply just forgive themselves for hurting somebody they loved and still do love so much. Please Help!

Your ex girlfriend has already given you some good advice; disregard the past and find someone where you'll not make the same mistake!
You'll be surprised how quickly you'll forget the past and get on with the rest of your life!

I don't know how to forgive myself at all, so I can't comment about that part...

However, it seems to me that what happened changed you. You're a different person now. You seem to be more aware of yourself and how your actions impact others. And in a relationship THAT is what matters.

I know it still hurts now...and you're having trouble seeing any silver lining here. Things will get better and you will understand that this had to happen in order for you to change for the better...

[MickeyCheeky]

Letting go of the past is hard, but I'm sure you can do it You can grow as a better person and learn from your mistakes. Wish you good luck, we'll be here anytime you need support

[Thunder Bow]

It seems like she is being a little mean to you. Best to let her go, you will be much happier.