I feel I've finally properly connected with the grief I feel over my childhood losses, but I'm afraid to cry it out! I thought I'd share my fears here to help me move forward..

For a while now, I've wanted to 'lose control' - which would mean crying freely.. I've controlled myself so much it's like I've been in prison inside my own body..

But I fear the crying will be too overwhelming.. I fear it'll actually be physically too painful! BUT, I realise what actually does hurt my body is holding the pain in.. I believe once I get over the initial discomfort, releasing the emotions will be a relief.

I also still have some embarrassment when it comes to crying.. I don't want to be seen as weak. But I know now there are people in my life who'll accept me even when I am weak.. So that's all good, really

Thank you for 'listening'

[LookingforCalm]

Let it out. Find a time to spend for yourself and let it out.

It's OK to cry. It can be cathartic. It can also help you with letting go.

You aren't weak. You're human. And you deserve to feel however you want when you need to.

Hugs to you!

[Bill3]

I wonder what happened in your childhood if you started to cry.

[Open Eyes]

I think you are doing a good job with your effort to articulate the deep challenges you are having.

Often a person is told "not" to cry or express emotions. This is bad because often that encourages the individual to turn anger inward when they experience "normal" emotional challenges.

One day I was sitting in therapy and some challenging things came up in conversation and I ended up crying/sobbing. At the same time I was trying so hard not to cry and felt a need to apologize. My therapist gave me permission to just "cry" and he explained that it was actually "healthy" to cry because it does help to release pent up toxins that accumulate by not allowing one's self to grieve, you see there is a purpose to "crying". It's "cleansing" and a normal function in human beings. It's OK to grieve and having the urge to grieve is a part of how we are designed.

Thank you all so much for your compassion Though I've known it on an intellectual level, it helps so much to have it confirmed that grieving and crying are OK and normal.

Bill3, thank you so much for asking! I can't remember how my parents reacted to me crying when I was very little, but at four years old, I had to have minor surgery (I was awake) and even then I was already clenching my teeth and fists, absolutely determined not to cry. I didn't let out a peep, just had a single silent tear roll down my face.. Even the doctor praised me for being 'braver' than most of their adult patients In hindsight, I've thought what a weird thing to say - had it been me, I would have wondered why this kid wasn't showing any emotion at all..

I've since thought this was probably an indication that something had already happened that had made me want to keep my emotions hidden. I've never seen my dad cry, and when a very dear relative of my mum's died, she left the house to go cry in secret behind our house.. Whenever something happened that made me feel like crying, I'd hold it in for as long as I could. Then I'd let it out in such a controlled and minor way my mum was usually able to ask me what was wrong.. But I didn't want to tell her because I felt like a 'bad girl' for crying and imposing that on her.. Then she'd get angry at me for not talking to her.

In my early 20s, I'd started to read about dysfunctional families and taken the first steps towards my own healing. There came a point when my mum had a raging fit just as I was about to go out with a friend, and I couldn't just take it anymore - she always tended to ruin the atmosphere when I tried to go and have some fun (which happened very rarely).. I just let the tears and crying come and told her straight how her behaviour made me feel. She completely lost it. After raging like a lunatic for a while, she basically drove me out of the house. Afterwards, what had happened was never talked about.

This made me think maybe she reacted in a similar way when I was little.. I would imagine my dad would have just walked away - he couldn't relate to me at all, didn't want to bond with me or have anything to do with me in any real way. I believe all the work was left to my mum who really wasn't any better equipped to look after a child, though she at least took some responsibility for having me and I imagine at least tried to do what she was 'supposed to do'. But I can imagine she would have got very tense about me crying, maybe feeling like a failure because she couldn't keep me happy, and she might even have been rough with me.. I guess it really is no wonder I have such a hard time expressing myself through crying now. It's like I have this terror attached to it in my very spine..

[Bill3]

Thanks for your reply!

I'm so sorry that you had to suffer so much for crying and/or for wanting to cry.



I agree with Open Eyes in that I think that you have a lot of insight into what has created difficulties for you today. With regard to being "brave" when you were four, i agree that a young child would be expected to show emotion in such a difficult situation.

[QueenCopper]

Originally Posted by not.dead.yet

I feel I've finally properly connected with the grief I feel over my childhood losses, but I'm afraid to cry it out! I thought I'd share my fears here to help me move forward..

For a while now, I've wanted to 'lose control' - which would mean crying freely.. I've controlled myself so much it's like I've been in prison inside my own body..

But I fear the crying will be too overwhelming.. I fear it'll actually be physically too painful! BUT, I realise what actually does hurt my body is holding the pain in.. I believe once I get over the initial discomfort, releasing the emotions will be a relief.

I also still have some embarrassment when it comes to crying.. I don't want to be seen as weak. But I know now there are people in my life who'll accept me even when I am weak.. So that's all good, really

Thank you for 'listening'

I have the same issue. I cry when I am alone. I will not cry in therapy I really fight hard to not cry in therapy or around other people for that matter. I have been told to let it out. So that is what I will say here. Let it go and release it all.😃