Not Worthy

If I die, I feel pretty trusting that he will at least take care of our sons and leave them his money. Unless he marries an Anna Nicole Smith...

I don't have any more strength in me.

I am literally banging my head! What a moron I am!

I tell myself, "What an idiot I have been," all of the time...

My sister says we only feel that way because we have been brainwashed!

I'm trying to pretend I'm wearing an imaginery muzzle. I'm going to try the "don't blame, don't complain" rule again.

I'm feeling a bit easier on myself now. The psy said I do have a disorder. So if that is the underlying cause of my discomfort and anxiety, at least I have a reason. I'm still staying away from him sexually and going for more therapy.

I must knock it off with the SH.

My marriage was so bad & felt so trapped I did more than SH. I justvwish I had realized what I was going through 13 years before I finally left. I might have done things differently rather that leaving & going back so many times. Honestly for me, the relief of being away has totally changed my life but for those 54 years I grew up with adad Im sure had ASD, & a mom who was had no self-esteem into a 33 year marriage with a guy who fits ALL the ASD behaviors. Though I was sure I was the broken one I kept fighting because it was the only way I knew how to defend myself....its amazing to live a peaceful life for the first time in my now 64 years.

Sometimes the problem is us....sometimes our problem is a reaction to a problem in our life & escape IS POSSIBLE.