Overthinking

Hello everyone,

Due to intense anxiety and paranoia, I have a habit of job hopping.
I don't know why but i have always quit jobs by just walking out and it causes me so much embarrassment.
I am 31 and just feel my reputation must be so ruined. I am a good worker but make such a holy show of myself whenever i quit.
The thing is that i was working for a large company and then suffered a huge mental breakdown from anxiety issues ( irrational ones, i just get so paranoid and think people are talking about me ) and did my usual thing of just walking out and disappearing.

I got a new job - did the same thing - my old boss from the first job has offered me a new position which i accepted but I am plagued by the self doubt due to how I feel my former colleagues will think about me. I am scared they are all going to be laughing at me saying I am a loser and that I am the butt of the jokes. I feel so concerned about this that i am obsessing now. I don't start the new role until next week but I am so worried about taking this anxiety with me and scared it will cause me to go into a spiral and am worried i will do something destructive like not accept the job because i am too afraid and then I will end up unemployed for the sake of pride.

Negative overthinking is really really affecting my life and I was wondering if anyone has experienced this sort of thing before. I am always obsessing over how people perceive me and think I could have some sort of narcisstic personality disorder.

Any views on this would really be appreciated.

Thank you,
Molly xo

Hi Molly, do you see a therapist by chance? A therapist would be able to help you challenge your distorted thinking. I totally understand the feeling that others are talking about you, but 99.9% of the time, that just isn't the case.

Hi,
Thank you for your reply.
I don't see a therapist, no.
It is reassuring to hear that it's probably imagined but damn it is frustrating.
xo

Your own opinion of yourself is what really matters. Just do the job and trust yourself to do it. Is there gossip in the work environment that you are aware of?

Do you have money to see a therapist? It seems like you might need one

Thank you for your reply and pragmatic words. There probaby is gossip. I would imagine people are a bit like " Oh here she is back again after just walking out the last time" - I am trying my best to go with the approach that I need to earn their respect again but I can't seem to shift the paranoia and anxiety related to their negative ( but justified ) opinions of me.

What type of therapist would you suggest?

hi molly
i over think as well, sometimes i can hear my manager and the team leader whispering and i would think they were talking about me and work myself into a frenzy, after awhile i realized it wasnt about me....now i either put on my headphones or i just tune them out and focus on my work.

you are there to work, so do your best and try to block others out, i know easier said than done...so perhaps like the other's mentioned seeing a therapist would help.

good luck !!

"Negative Opinions" are gossip if you over heard them in the work place. This will not change. If the gossip got to toxic, then working there is a bad idea.

35yrs = 42 jobs with 25 employers

Yep, I understand. I am going to take a leap and say that you have been very good at these jobs but, it is the anxiety raised by continuing to do so which is causing you to self-sabotage your career. I am guessing, as I, that you have never been asked to leave an employment situation; rather, you have always left of your own accord.

I understand the cycle. I understand the panic, anxiety, and inability to sleep. I understand the failure to be set up for success. I understand the overpowering need to escape and run. I agree, it is embarrassing . At the very least it presents a problem preparing a resume. There are ways around that.

What to say? Be honest. Don't put yourself down. Company XYZ wasn't what they said they would be. They lacked the resources. They failed to set me up for success.