[EglantineRose]

So, I have been experiencing a lot of problems with family lately and feel very stressed out. I am hoping that someone may be able to give me some advice. The first issue that I have is with my mom. I am currently living with her, for financial reasons. However, for a very long time, she has been either very negative to be around or acts out in anger for no reason. I was away for about a week and since I have been home, she has been very mean to me, and starts arguments randomly. Not too long ago, we went for a drive out of town and everything was going fine, but once we got home, she started to become very mean and argumentative.
Yesterday, she decided to drop me and my dog off at a park while she went and ran some errands. I did not have my phone with me, which I told her, but she said she would come back and find me. Anyways, I waited there for quite a while, and when she did not show up after about an hour, I decided to walk to a store to use their phone. When I tried to call her, however, she did not answer her phone, and so I decided to go back to the park to see if she was there. When she wasn’t, I ended up just walking home, where I found her. She blamed me for not waiting long enough, said it was my fault, etc. I feel especially bad for my dog. I had to carry her home (she’s a small dog) because I didn’t want to make her walk that far.
So after that, we went to a store to see if we could find some clothes for her. When we got there, I noticed they had pants for $13. I found a pair that I liked, and decided to purchase them. I had been given money as a gift to buy clothing a few weeks prior, which I had not been able to do because of other expenses. When I decided to buy them, with my money, she started an argument with me in the store, saying “it’s either you get food or those!” which the store clerks heard. I told her “I am 24 years old and I have the right to buy things for myself too.” She accused me of not wanting her to buy anything for herself, being selfish, etc., and she stormed out of the store.
When we got home, she continued arguing with me, pushed me, calling me lazy, etc. I thought that the argument was completely unnecessary. I have never once told her not to buy things for herself. In fact, I encourage her to do so all of the time and even offer to buy things for her. So after my argument with her, I decided to call my brother, who I sometimes get along with and sometimes don’t (he will ignore me sometimes and other times talk to me). He answered the phone. I was clearly upset and crying, but instead of asking me what was wrong, he said “I’m eating dinner, goodbye.” He has been very rude to me lately, which has caused me to get angry at him a few times.
I do not understand his behavior. Sometimes he is really nice, responds to text messages, etc., but then other times he ignores me and is very mean, says he’s too busy to talk, etc., which goes on for months at a time, and in some cases years. He is getting married in a few months. I am supposed to be in the wedding party, but now I am seriously questioning whether or not I even want to go. It’s got nothing to do with his girlfriend, I think she’s a good person (even though we never talk), I don’t like HIS behavior.
I eventually got ahold of my dad, who told me to try to avoid my mom when she acts like that. I said I would. It makes me sad because I have always been there for family members in times of difficulty- especially my brother, but the same kindness and consideration are never returned. I would have never said that I was too busy to talk to someone I cared about, however, in the future it may be different. Anyways, clearly I need to get out of my current living situation. I am hoping that by September I will be able to move out (I plan to move to a different town so I need to find work there). This is a highly depressing situation for me, especially dealing with not feeling very good (I’ve felt unwell for a couple of weeks, I am not sure why. Hopefully it’s just a cold, but I feel nauseous, tired, etc.) and having pretty much nobody I can turn to. Any suggestions or words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

[Sunflower123]

I am so very, very sorry that you are going through this. Physical illness on top of mental illness and this kind of stress is a triple whammy. Was it ever a possibility of living with your father? I like your father's advice to avoid her when possible and your thoughts of moving out and away. Would it be possible to have a sit down conversation with you mom or is she too far gone? How about your brother? Would a sit down help? Finally, do you have a therapist to help you process these feelings so you don't self harm and see that this says something about them, not about you? Again, I am so very sorry you're going through this. It must be very confusing and painful. I wish I could just wrap you up in a big hug right now. You are not alone. You have a lot of support on this board. Thinking of you...

[MikMac75]

Do your best to get both financially and emotionally independent, I know it's difficult, but that's the key here, figure out how to get a job that pays at least $20 an hour or work two jobs or more. Sounds like your family feels your not acting to your full potential, that's why the blow back or ignoring

[EglantineRose]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I am so very, very sorry that you are going through this. Physical illness on top of mental illness and this kind of stress is a triple whammy. Was it ever a possibility of living with your father? I like your father's advice to avoid her when possible and your thoughts of moving out and away. Would it be possible to have a sit down conversation with you mom or is she too far gone? How about your brother? Would a sit down help? Finally, do you have a therapist to help you process these feelings so you don't self harm and see that this says something about them, not about you? Again, I am so very sorry you're going through this. It must be very confusing and painful. I wish I could just wrap you up in a big hug right now. You are not alone. You have a lot of support on this board. Thinking of you...

Thank you very much for your suggestions and words of encouragement. Unfortunately my Dad lives in a different part of the country, so living with him is not an option. I think we get along better when we don't live together anyways. I think it would be impossible to talk to my mom about what is going on. She isn't really willing to listen, nor is my brother. I think it's best to move on and focus on making an effort to have more positive people in my life.

[EglantineRose]

Originally Posted by MikMac75

Do your best to get both financially and emotionally independent, I know it's difficult, but that's the key here, figure out how to get a job that pays at least $20 an hour or work two jobs or more. Sounds like your family feels your not acting to your full potential, that's why the blow back or ignoring

Thank you for the suggestions. Yes, focusing on living an independent life needs to be a priority for me. I think it's true that they don't feel as though I am reaching my full potential, however, they respond in a way that I do not think is very compassionate given what they know about my circumstances. I am trying to figure out how in the future I can earn a decent income. I have about two years worth of university credits, but I am trying to figure out what else I might be able to do/finding a job that suits my introverted personality.

[BLUEDOVE]

Look up Narcissism and see if M or B have symptoms.
Both are very toxic towards you,keep telling self YOU are
O.K. and will not be pulled down by them;sooner you can
escape,the better.
Courage,
BLUEDOVE