[QueenCopper]

I had to make contact with the cousin who made a habit out of touching me in places I should not have been touched and do things I should not have been doing. I can feel my self slipping downward fast. I am so full of hurt and anger and I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want to lay in my bed. I check my closets and under my bed because I need to make sure he is not there. I have even told my boss I cannot work today. I just don't know what to do. Knowing he will be in the same city I am in in a week scares me so bad. I am literally a big ball of sadness and I don't know what to now.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by QueenCopper

I had to make contact with the cousin who made a habit out of touching me in places I should not have been touched and do things I should not have been doing. I can feel my self slipping downward fast. I am so full of hurt and anger and I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want to lay in my bed. I check my closets and under my bed because I need to make sure he is not there. I have even told my boss I cannot work today. I just don't know what to do. Knowing he will be in the same city I am in in a week scares me so bad. I am literally a big ball of sadness and I don't know what to now.

You need support. Do you have a therapist, friends or family to help you through this week? At some point you may want to address this wound in therapy to resolve it if you aren't already. Thinking of you.

[MickeyCheeky]

Why do you have to make contact with him? Is anyone forcing you to do so?

[Open Eyes]

If this person triggers you then it's important that you take steps towards having no contact. You have every right to decide this person is "not" a safe person for you to be around because of how this person invaded your boundaries. The fear you are experiencing that you have described is an alarm that is actually normal in that we are designed to remember the things that pose a danger to us.

You have a right to have a job and work towards your own independence. In your past you came across a toxic person, you are older now though and you are old enough to be able to make the decision that this is a toxic person and you "now" have the power to choose no contact. You started your post with "I had to make contact" with someone that caused you harm. Well, you have to make a decision "now" where you understand in the now "you don't have to make contact".

I am sure that you are a "nice" person QueenCopper, and you were a nice person when this cousin took advantage of you. But it's important that you understand that you can be a nice person yet have a right to choose to "not" be nice to others who have proven to you that they don't deserve to be a part of your life.

All predators look for weakness in prey, it's instinctual. Being "nice" can actually be a weakness and all predators get so they "know" who they can take advantage of. Know that you really don't "have to" be nice or friendly to this cousin at all. Often all that does is encourage a toxic person that the other person is letting their guard down and the toxic person can begin to get closer and intrude. Just because this individual happens to be a cousin doesn't give him ANY right to be ANY part of your life.

[QueenCopper]

It is a power of attorney issue with his grandmother. His sister and I were working together to get it changed to me but she can no longer speak and I cannot afford an attorney so I have to have him communicate with his sister to get the info I need so I can get his grandmother here with family. He can't be power of attorney because he is a felon and was in prison when all of this began. Since we were almost finished no one else wants to start this all over again. It has been a tough a process because all of us live in different states. Getting my great aunt (their grandmother) moved from an Illinois nursing home to an Indiana nursing home with them in Georgia is crazy difficult.

I'm so sorry for this experience. It must be taking away any sense of control you felt you had.
I wish I had some wise words that would help you.

I do know that we are here to listen and perhaps if you kept posting on this thread (a journal of sorts) then you will feel a little stronger for that?
We can be here to hold your hand through the screen and help get you through the next week.

I think it's perfectly okay to check under the bed if it makes you feel better. Check your closet if it makes you feel better. Sleep with a baseball bat. Anything and everything goes....

[QueenCopper]

I can't take any more. His voice is in my head reminding me that my Mom did not believe me and no one will now. I don't want my great aunt in a nursing home away from her family but I can't handle talking to him. Doing the right thing for her is not good for me. I don't know what I am going to do. 😖

I am so sorry you have to go through this QueenCopper. Be kind to yourself, and protect you.

[QueenCopper]

Thank you. I fail miserably at being kind to myself. To many years of hearing the opposite I guess. I just am not sure anymore.

[adam_k]

When you haven't experienced kindness very much it is hard to give that to yourself. It's not impossible and it takes work to challenge all of the instinctive thoughts that only serve to make you feel like crap and not worth it. You are worth it and have a lot of amazing things that make you, you.

[avlady]

im sorry for you and hope you can sort this all out and i know it takes alot out of you to have to see this person, but you don't really have to if you work on this by not giving them the time of day