[tactactic]

I volunteer at a place since last year and I am feeling stressed out; I want to quit. For most people, it would be so easy to quit; it's just a volunteer job with no financial benefits. I wanted to quit a few months ago because I felt the boss was too harsh but I thought it would get better eventually; now I'm beginning to feel the pressure again but I'm struggling to find the courage to quit.

Why is it so hard for me to just say I quit right now?

I am scared of my boss and I'm feeling anxious; she gets angry and expresses her disappointment every time I make a mistake. Obviously, I don't intend to make those mistakes, but her reactions stress me out. I want to quit because of this but I also have a misguided sense of responsibility that tells me that I will let people down if I quit now. I feel that they are counting on me during this period. I am disappointed at myself for making myself endure the stress. I feel as if I lack respect for myself.

To complicate things, I sometimes feel like I should just suck it up and grow a thicker skin. I can be a sensitive person, but the real world does not care about feelings; so why should I? So I try my best to ignore that I have feelings. But how long can this facade last?

Quitting would make me feel much better, but how can I find the courage and self-respect to do so?

[Sunflower123]

You need to protect your mental and physical health. Think about how you want to word it and give her a written resignation letter. That way you can say what you need to say without getting tongue tied. Best wishes.

[Fuzzybear]

I agree with the above..

Sensitivity is not a "flaw" in my humble opinion... the battle axes in this world lacking sensitivity and social skills are not optimal..

(Not anyone on pc)

PS not having feelings?? That would make someone "empty" and "void"

[dermald]

It is important to realize that you deserve to be respected for the volunteer work that you are doing. You deserve a healthy work environment.

Think about the worst case scenario: What if you just quit, right now? What would happen?

Without knowing you or where you're volunteering, I can make a few guesses.

1. The boss will be mad and maybe disappointed. So what? It's THEIR fault that you are leaving. Do you really need their love, adoration, and approval? Can you accept the possibility that this might not be possible, that you don't really matter to this person, and therefore you shouldn't care about what they think?

2. The other volunteers might have to pick up the slack for a day or two, until they get someone else in that position. If they're not suffering this person's wrath, then it won't be that much for them. But if they also suffering this abuse, then maybe it will inspire them to leave, too.

3. Maybe you can report this person to their higher-ups when you leave. This might prompt them to make a change for the better, which would be good for your former cohorts. It might even open the door for your return at a later date, for a more healthy experience.

4. It would relieve you of this highly unnecessary burden. People who do volunteer work are typically doing good things and giving of themselves.

There are probably many other organizations that could use a good volunteer like you, and they might actually appreciate you.

You have to be able to tell yourself that you deserve this.

Best of luck.

[BLUEDOVE]

You are not on this earth to meet other peoples expectations.
Whenever you do something that you resent doing,but feel
COMPELLED to do,you must unconsciously be more concerned with how OTHERS feel about you than you are with how YOU are REALLY FEELING. This is what it means to live in conflict. If YOU don't look after you . . . who will?
Deepest Respect,
BLUEDOVE

[dermald]

Originally Posted by tactactic

To complicate things, I sometimes feel like I should just suck it up and grow a thicker skin. I can be a sensitive person, but the real world does not care about feelings; so why should I? So I try my best to ignore that I have feelings. But how long can this facade last?

Ignoring that you have feelings is not dealing with anything. Also, having feelings is not the problem.

The problem is allowing feelings at all times, especially at times when it's either not appropriate, or even when it puts you in a bad place or a state of danger.

For example, I would let my feelings and empathy run amok. A Facebook "friend" noticed this, and used it against me. She cried about how she had cancer, and nobody cared, and she had no money. She BEGGED FOR HER LIFE for me to help her.

I did. Eight months and $30,000 later, I figured out that it was a scam.

Now, is it wrong to feel badly for someone who has cancer? Absolutely not. But when these feelings take over, it can be dangerous, especially for a Codependent like me.

I'd also get my feelings hurt at work sometimes, which wasn't helping me. I had a friendship with my boss, or so I thought. But in the end, it was a one-way thing that was all in my head.

What I had to do was to learn how to save my sympathy, empathy, and other feelings for those whom I trust. The people who have earned my trust and respect.

The OLD me would often times be encountered by someone at the gas station, begging for money. They'd have a sad story, and ask for ten bucks. I'd feel badly for them and give them $20. One time, I even commented that they seemed to need it more than me.

But the NEW me utilizes BOUNDARIES to protect myself from people who may have ill intent.

This came into use, once again at the gas station. This guy comes up and says, "Excuse me, sir." He called me "sir," which is a sign of respect from people I know, but it sets off a red flag when it comes from complete strangers. I put my guard up.

He had this dramatic, sad, and detailed story about how he's from somewhere else, and he's in town visiting his relatives. His wife is pregnant and they're desperately trying to get home, but he got robbed and needs some gas money.

The OLD me would have felt horrible for him and I might have even swiped my card at the pump and told him to fill it up.

But the NEW me caught a red flag, turned off my empathy, and put up my guard. Instead of FEELING his story, I LISTENED to his story.

My response was, "I'm sorry to hear that you got robbed. The GOOD news is that since you're still IN TOWN and your relatives live here, you can call them up and ask them for help. Hang in there."

This was the FIRST time I'd ever said NO to a stranger in my entire life, and it felt great. I caught someone who was trying to BS me, and I protected myself appropriately.

You have to view it as protecting yourself, because that's what you're doing. Having feelings at this volunteer job does nothing to serve you, and it's feelings wasted. It's like being in love with someone who doesn't even know you exist and giving them all your love and thinking about them constantly. What good does it do? It only hurts you.

For me, the keys were self-respect, boundaries, and saving my inner feelings for the people who deserve this type of energy from me. It doesn't happen over night, but I'm living proof that it can be done.

[continuosly blue]

Wow , the thoughts expressed in this thread are very enlightening.
It's probably one of the most insightful threads I've ever seen here.
So much wisdom. I can ID so very much with what has been said.
Back to the original poster. I'm dealing with the same situation only in a family,
not in a volunteer job , ( which BTW , in short , I think you should tell your " boss" to kiss your ***
and take your generosity where it would be appreciated ! ) People like us are used by sycophants and leeches every day. Because they know you have feelings and would be a soft touch. I'm being used right now. They just take, take , and take some more until your drained , ( emotionally and monetarily).
Like you I'm trying to gather the courage to stick up and give to ME !
First , my feelings will not be discarded. I just have to learn how to control them
and act appropriately with also the input of the LOGICAL part of my brain , ( which I should use more often! )
Secondly, they say you really give to make yourself feel better , not to really help the other. I think this is only partially true. I give for both reasons.
In closing, if anyone would like to have a private discussion about this issue I think maybe we can both help each other.
Thank you all.......

[MickeyCheeky]

You can't help anyone if you don't help yourself first.

Also, is it possible for you to find another place to do volunteering?