I am far too emotional and emotionally reactive to exist in this world. I have been through a lot of abusive relationships, I have been bullied as a kid and teenager and beaten up verbally many times over in relationships in my adulthood. I am a very nice, easy going person and I know I have a good, solid, kind and compassionate heart, but some people with their rudeness, jealousies, judgements or anger towards me just push me over the edge, and I react very strongly. I cannot seem to contain my emotions very well, and I will let someone have it if I am pushed to that point of explosion. I don't know what's wrong with me, but maybe I've just been beaten up and bullied way too many times in this life. I don't belong anywhere.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you've been treated so badly. Do you see a therapist?

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I'm so sorry you've been treated so badly. Do you see a therapist?

Thank you so much. I do see a therapist and need to address my emotions. I just don't even know how to regulate them. :/

[Open Eyes]

I am wondering if you are struggling with PTSD and not depression.

Please tell your therapist what you posted here. It's important that you don't talk yourself into giving up but instead work on "healing" and that can take some time because of how much you have been abused in your history.

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

I am wondering if you are struggling with PTSD and not depression.

Please tell your therapist what you posted here. It's important that you don't talk yourself into giving up but instead work on "healing" and that can take some time because of how much you have been abused in your history.

Thank you for your reply. Yes, I do have PTSD. I do need healing... I will tell my therapist, but I keep getting into abusive relationships and it needs to stop. I cannot take anymore abuse from bad men. :/

And I cannot seem to control my reactions when people disrespect or insult me. I get so wound up I physically shake because of it. I have a serious problem.

[Open Eyes]

You need to take a break from relationships and concentrate more on healing. If you spend the time opening up and talking you can slowly learn what you fail to recognize in the other person you begin a relationship with that turns out where you end up in yet another abusive relationship. I believe you are a nice person, in fact, you are probably the kind of person these abusive type personalities look for. Now you are at a point where you are emotionally exhausted and emotionally sensitive because you have been hurt so much. You deserve to take the time you need to heal and build up better defenses.

[Sunflower123]

I can relate to most of your story. It's hard and often painful when you're so sensitive and emotionally reactive and when it's hard to regulate your emotions. I know about bullying as well. I empathize with you. Keep working with your therapist and be gentle and compassionate with yourself. You'll get there. Sending big hugs.

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

You need to take a break from relationships and concentrate more on healing. If you spend the time opening up and talking you can slowly learn what you fail to recognize in the other person you begin a relationship with that turns out where you end up in yet another abusive relationship. I believe you are a nice person, in fact, you are probably the kind of person these abusive type personalities look for. Now you are at a point where you are emotionally exhausted and emotionally sensitive because you have been hurt so much. You deserve to take the time you need to heal and build up better defenses.

thank you..... you are very kind to say this. Yes, I believe I have been a target for bullies and abusers because I am far too nice. You're right on the mark about needing to take the time to heal and address the issues in therapy. The LAST thing I need is yet another abusive relationship. Dear Lord. I am so done with all of that. I am too old to keep doing this to myself again and again. I've ignored or dismissed or have excused the huge, glaring red flags, that's my biggest problem. I don't pay them enough attention and walk away as soon as I see them. I give the person a chance because I feel a connection to the person that is strong... and that is wrong. Once the red flags are there that point to a bad partner, I should learn to walk away. And I have not done that yet to date. :/

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I can relate to most of your story. It's hard and often painful when you're so sensitive and emotionally reactive and when it's hard to regulate your emotions. I know about bullying as well. I empathize with you. Keep working with your therapist and be gentle and compassionate with yourself. You'll get there. Sending big hugs.

Thank you for your kind words and for the hugs. You're right... I do need to be gentle, compassionate and kind with myself. I am far too hard on myself, and I think because so many others have beaten me up verbally over the years. I take it all in, and then feel like I am not a good enough person. I am sorry that you yourself have gone through experiences of bullying. ((hugs))) to you as well! It is so hard to be the brunt of that. And, yes, it is very painful to be so sensitive and emotional... I hate it. I absolutely hate it about myself. I wish I could be stronger and less sensitive. But if someone hurts me, abuses me, takes advantage of me or tramples on me, I explode on them with all my rage. It's as if I make them pay for all the other abuse I've endured. I need to learn how to reign it in and respond appropriately and with strength. ARGH.