Still needing help

Sometimes I have these sudden outbursts of anger. When this happens I would yell, throw things and even lash out at family members if they tried to get close to me. During these incidents my older sister would mock me by calling me demon possessed. Most times after these incidents I can't even understand why I was so angry in the first place. Other times I would just randomly burst into tears. when things like this happen I just worry about the safety of myself and those around me as during these outbursts I often make bad decisions. This paired with the fact that I often have suicidal thoughts makes me very worried.
I really want to seek help, but to do that I'd have to tell my mother. I know for a fact that my mother would never understand. In fact I know that she would be very angry with me. Mostly these outbursts only occur when all of my problems suddenly dawn on me at once. When this happens I just get so fed up. I just don't know what to do at this point. I feel so hopeless. Can someone please tell me what to do.

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. You need help and are afraid to reach out. I understand. You really need to think through the conversation you're going to have and then have it with your mother. Another possibility is to go to your family doctor and see if he/she can help. Your mother doesn't have to know why you are going. I wish you the best of luck. Sending big hugs.

This kind of thing was probably happening when you were a little kid. Your mother might be OK with you seeing a Therapist. Go a head and look into therapy.