[eclairparty98]

With all due respect to anyone who is incapable of feeling particular emotions -- this isn't about anyone on the forums. But about certain people I've come across on my trails who are totally deprived of any empathy, sympathy and humanity.

I'm having trouble dealing with the burden that is acknowledgment of awful, vicious, nasty people who are so toxic and poisonous, they thrive off of drama, misery and unrest. Basically, back in 2011/2012, I was extremely unhappy and couldn't recognise a 'positive influence' and so surrounded myself with like-minded, equally miserable individuals. There was a lot of judging, badmouthing, HORRENDOUS bullying, gossiping and a blatant disregard for other people seen among these individuals.

I got out, thank goodness, and surrounded myself with great, positive, caring people -- all of whom I've lost touch with -- and now I'm burdened with the memories of how awful, cold and evil some people can be.

It's extremely disconcerting going about your daily business when suddenly you're reminded of the awful things an evil person could do to ruin your mood. This is a constant, persistent intrusive thought I don't know how to tackle.

How do you deal with the knowledge that there are some really evil people out there among the innocent, kind and generous?? Vicious bullies and judgmental people are one problem, let alone murders, kidnappers and abusers. What do you tell yourselves??

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by eclairparty98

With all due respect to anyone who is incapable of feeling particular emotions -- this isn't about anyone on the forums. But about certain people I've come across on my trails who are totally deprived of any empathy, sympathy and humanity.

I'm having trouble dealing with the burden that is acknowledgment of awful, vicious, nasty people who are so toxic and poisonous, they thrive off of drama, misery and unrest. Basically, back in 2011/2012, I was extremely unhappy and couldn't recognise a 'positive influence' and so surrounded myself with like-minded, equally miserable individuals. There was a lot of judging, badmouthing, HORRENDOUS bullying, gossiping and a blatant disregard for other people seen among these individuals.

I got out, thank goodness, and surrounded myself with great, positive, caring people -- all of whom I've lost touch with -- and now I'm burdened with the memories of how awful, cold and evil some people can be.

It's extremely disconcerting going about your daily business when suddenly you're reminded of the awful things an evil person could do to ruin your mood. This is a constant, persistent intrusive thought I don't know how to tackle.

How do you deal with the knowledge that there are some really evil people out there among the innocent, kind and generous?? Vicious bullies and judgmental people are one problem, let alone murders, kidnappers and abusers. What do you tell yourselves??

I tell myself that I'm not those people, and never will be, and I'm grateful I'm not them.
There are a lot of people that suck. I didn't choose their lives. They did. Sometimes we let them choose ours, sometimes they overpower us and choose for us. But, they are not my fault, they are a result of their actions or inactions.
For example, I chose to marry and stay with my ex all those years, but I made the wise decision, finally, to divorce her, removing her hold on me by simply removing her from my life. Saw her recently and it was no different than seeing a stranger on the street. I ignored her and she went away.

[Sunflower123]

I tell myself that the world needs more empathetic, kind, supportive people and that's what I am. I can do my part to help heal the world and make a difference to people. I consider there to be two types of evil or horrible people (however you define that). The first are people that genetically have something missing or defective that causes them to be that way. The second are people who through life circumstances are angry or in pain and this causes them to be miserable, horrible or evil people. I guess I'm referring to the nature vs. nurture controversy. Both will bring you down but I find the nurture category can change if they wish to.

For instance, there is an abrasive poster who is frequently hostile and defensive but when you read his posts you can sense the pain he's in. I support and show kindness to that pain. JMHO.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I tell myself that the world needs more empathetic, kind, supportive people and that's what I am. I can do my part to help heal the world and make a difference to people. I consider there to be two types of evil or horrible people (however you define that). The first are people that genetically have something missing or defective that causes them to be that way. The second are people who through life circumstances are angry or in pain and this causes them to be miserable, horrible or evil people. I guess I'm referring to the nature vs. nurture controversy. Both will bring you down but I find the nurture category can change if they wish to.

For instance, there is an abrasive poster who is frequently hostile and defensive but when you read his posts you can sense the pain he's in. I support and show kindness to that pain. JMHO.

As those in my life that were and some that are positive influences still, you can only change you. Keep on the path and others may follow

[Fuzzybear]

I find this very hard indeed to cope with.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I find this very hard indeed to cope with.

Life is very hard. Very. One of my go-to songs when I can't cope is such a glorious tune by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes, "life is hard" but I'll play Rufus Wainwright too. Helps to sing the blues too, because it shows other people are getting same BS

[eclairparty98]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I tell myself that the world needs more empathetic, kind, supportive people and that's what I am. I can do my part to help heal the world and make a difference to people. I consider there to be two types of evil or horrible people (however you define that). The first are people that genetically have something missing or defective that causes them to be that way. The second are people who through life circumstances are angry or in pain and this causes them to be miserable, horrible or evil people. I guess I'm referring to the nature vs. nurture controversy. Both will bring you down but I find the nurture category can change if they wish to.

For instance, there is an abrasive poster who is frequently hostile and defensive but when you read his posts you can sense the pain he's in. I support and show kindness to that pain. JMHO.

I commend you for this, Jennifer. Honestly, if someone was so rude to the point of driving someone to consider self destruction -- it would be very difficult for me to have such a clear head. I think about this from the persons parents perspective, wondering how they'd feel about their child being so scrutinised by someone who is in pain themselves... It's just hard for me to accept.

I hope my struggle to empathise with bullies/serial killers/terrorists doesn't paint me as an insensitive character. I know that the totally 100% moral approach would be to support and show kindness to these people. But it's hard. Knowing all of that hurt and pain and self destruction these people have caused... I don't know.

[eclairparty98]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

As those in my life that were and some that are positive influences still, you can only change you. Keep on the path and others may follow

We can only hope so

[eclairparty98]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I find this very hard indeed to cope with.

You're definitely not alone

[SorryShaped]

Straight up, if I'm being abrasive, just tell me. There are times my bipolar seriously gets in the way of my needed to be respectful wording. I've also had to be abrasive with some people to keep them at a distance. My ex really messed me up. Be straight with me and I'll return the favor

[-jimi-]

For me, the worst people are the fake kind ones who seem to believe in their own lie. They are all words. But when you really need them, they are always "busy". I know I come off as rough around the edges, but I don't let friends down. People are not always what they seem.

[SorryShaped]

How about narcissist? Those are the worst in my book

[eclairparty98]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Straight up, if I'm being abrasive, just tell me. There are times my bipolar seriously gets in the way of my needed to be respectful wording. I've also had to be abrasive with some people to keep them at a distance. My ex really messed me up. Be straight with me and I'll return the favor

Hiiiiiiii, no you're not abrasive at all - I've had no issue with you, I haven't seen any issues. I understand where you're coming from, IN GENERAL, I am super paranoid. I think Jennifer was referring to someone else.

Sorry your ex was so bad. Take this as an opportunity to make the most out of everything and reflect on what you couldn't do with her that you can do now and embrace your freedom

[eclairparty98]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

How about narcissist? Those are the worst in my book

Yes, I have my fair share of experiences with those. I think people who claim to not care about any human, any animal, any boundary - people like this I have a difficult time respecting. And when they see the chaos they've caused, a product of their cruelty, they'll shrug it off like it's absolutely nothing

I went to school with a narcissist. He was completely incapable of having genuine sympathy for most people. Extremely dangerous company.

[eclairparty98]

Originally Posted by -jimi-

For me, the worst people are the fake kind ones who seem to believe in their own lie. They are all words. But when you really need them, they are always "busy". I know I come off as rough around the edges, but I don't let friends down. People are not always what they seem.

Yes, I can't stand this. It's more self-rewarding than it is legitimately caring about others.

There was a woman who was overweight. She made videos on YT. One person decided to call her fat - she later died. Upon learning this news, he apologised under her home page. The thought was there and he may have intentions I'm unaware of BUT!!! some people were quick to point out he was just trying to clear his karma... Who knows.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by eclairparty98

Yes, I have my fair share of experiences with those. I think people who claim to not care about any human, any animal, any boundary - people like this I have a difficult time respecting. And when they see the chaos they've caused, a product of their cruelty, they'll shrug it off like it's absolutely nothing

I went to school with a narcissist. He was completely incapable of having genuine sympathy for most people. Extremely dangerous company.

Seems like you're thinking of sociopath

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by eclairparty98

Hiiiiiiii, no you're not abrasive at all - I've had no issue with you, I haven't seen any issues. I understand where you're coming from, IN GENERAL, I am super paranoid. I think Jennifer was referring to someone else.

Sorry your ex was so bad. Take this as an opportunity to make the most out of everything and reflect on what you couldn't do with her that you can do now and embrace your freedom

Hang around, I'll likely get that way at some point because hypomania sometimes takes over my mind, mouth, spirit, and body. I'm trying to be mindful above all else, trying.

[eclairparty98]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Seems like you're thinking of sociopath

Yeah, either sociopath or psychopath I was thinking of! Also, those people who think it's trendy or cool to call themselves "psycho" as if it's something to boast about. 'Psychos' do some of the most awful things to humanity

[eclairparty98]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Hang around, I'll likely get that way at some point because hypomania sometimes takes over my mind, mouth, spirit, and body. I'm trying to be mindful above all else, trying.

Well done for trying!! Be proud of yourself and stay strong. I know what it's like, I can sometimes FLIP over the smallest thing. I don't mean anything by it, it's a horrible reflex on the really, really low days. I could never deliberately hurt someone, though

[lotusblossom19]

I've learned to value my empathy. I have a whole lot of it and it has been very difficult and draining when I have had to deal with people who seemed to have hearts made of ice. However, I've realized there is something beautiful about that empathy and it's not a quality I would want to lose. It has enabled me to help people in a way that not everybody could because not everybody truly cares. If possible, I try to gain an understanding of the reasons why certain people appear to be so harsh. Although I don't intend to make excuses for their bad behavior, I often find they have built up such a hard exterior in an effort to protect themselves from the bad behavior of others. This knowledge helps me to protect my feelings from them because I know there are wounds behind the walls. If they are willing to soften up a little and allow some humanity to seep through those walls at some point, then maybe there is a chance for a positive connection. If not, then that is the choice they have made and I will make the choice to distance myself so they don't steal the love and light I hold within. I don't mean at all to sound like I'm superior to anyone because Lord knows I've got my flaws and often actually feel inferior to others, but I've learned to at least care enough about my preservation to protect myself from the toxic energy of certain people. We have different ways of dealing with our pain. I'd rather try to heal what's hurting me than hurt people who are not responsible for my pain.

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by lotusblossom19

I've learned to value my empathy. I have a whole lot of it and it has been very difficult and draining when I have had to deal with people who seemed to have hearts made of ice. However, I've realized there is something beautiful about that empathy and it's not a quality I would want to lose. It has enabled me to help people in a way that not everybody could because not everybody truly cares. If possible, I try to gain an understanding of the reasons why certain people appear to be so harsh. Although I don't intend to make excuses for their bad behavior, I often find they have built up such a hard exterior in an effort to protect themselves from the bad behavior of others. This knowledge helps me to protect my feelings from them because I know there are wounds behind the walls. If they are willing to soften up a little and allow some humanity to seep through those walls at some point, then maybe there is a chance for a positive connection. If not, then that is the choice they have made and I will make the choice to distance myself so they don't steal the love and light I hold within. I don't mean at all to sound like I'm superior to anyone because Lord knows I've got my flaws and often actually feel inferior to others, but I've learned to at least care enough about my preservation to protect myself from the toxic energy of certain people. We have different ways of dealing with our pain. I'd rather try to heal what's hurting me than hurt people who are not responsible for my pain.

Beautiful. You are on the Path! A true being of the light

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

For instance, there is an abrasive poster who is frequently hostile and defensive but when you read his posts you can sense the pain he's in. I support and show kindness to that pain. JMHO.

I do hope that you're not referring to me because I have been fitting that bill as of late.

If so, than you need only look towards those who made me that way, while being grateful that I'm actually trying to do something about "dark and twisted" that I may be. Yes, I lack empathy. I'm not a psychopath or narcissist or anything; just somebody who has been hurt enough to where I lost the ability to connect and empathize with people at some point. Do I go around hurting other people? No. I am trying to do something about it, but the part about making myself vulnerable so that I can connect with other people is hard for me because I don't want to get hurt by people anymore.

But yeah, the more that I think about this topic, the easier that I find it to empathize with these types of people because it's freaking hard to change when you've been hurt by so many people. I struggle with the empathy department but can feel more empathy for rapists and serial killers because this dark and lonely world made them into what they are and they had nobody to help them when they needed it so they were willing to sink to any low necessary to survive in a world that just doesn't give a damn. Yes, they were weak for not trying harder to change, but aren't we all weak and fragile in our own little ways? After all, life is fleeting.

Those of us who are actually trying to rise up and become better, despite our struggles in life or how much pain we've endured deserve to be praised because it is easier for some of us to start hurting other people for our benefit to sate whatever emptiness that resides within us. Change is freaking hard.

[Sunflower123]

Ok. I sincerely apologize. I should not have used that example. It was not aimed at anyone on this thread and I apologize to those who thought that it was.

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Ok. I sincerely apologize. I should not have used that example. It was not aimed at anyone on this thread and I apologize to those who thought that it was.

It's just water under the bridge.

I figured that you were using me as an example because I haven't seen anybody else on this site who fit your description other than myself.

I am not bothered by your example at all because I know that what you said is true about me.

[eclairparty98]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Ok. I sincerely apologize. I should not have used that example. It was not aimed at anyone on this thread and I apologize to those who thought that it was.

Hi, Jennifer -- don't worry at all, it was a good example regardless of who you were thinking of It cemented your point wonderfully and helped me understand where you were coming from. Thank you for your insight as always