[hopealwayz]

I talked with my pharmacist on the phone earlier and I asked him that if I ever had to transfer pharmacies, if we could stay in touch. He said that we could stay in touch. I don't think he would've said it if he didn't mean it.

[MickeyCheeky]

So what does it seem to be the problem?

[Sunflower123]

If there a reasonable possibility you will be leaving this pharmacy? Are you concerned that he was just placating you?

[hopealwayz]

I don't think he would just say that if he didn't mean it.

[Fuzzybear]

I hope he didn't say it if he didn't mean it

[hopealwayz]

I think I'm just surprised that he said yes. I'm trying to process that and let it sink in but I'm having trouble processing it because I had thought he'd say no, but he said yes which was great.

[RubyRae]

What exactly does "stay in touch" mean.Are you two on the same page of the meaning?

[Fuzzybear]

[southernsky]

What is it that you are expecting from the pharmacist?

Pharmacists, like other healthcare workers, are expected to maintain appropriate professional boundaries with the patients they come into contact with.

Chances are that the pharmacist does want to be nice to you, but he is probably also worried about not doing anything that could be seen as inappropriate with a patient, because he could get in big trouble over that.

[divine1966]

Is this the same pharmacist that you wrote letters to, made FB requests, asked him out etc Since he declined all of it, it is safe to assume that it is because he values his job and wants relationship to remain professional, not making it personal. How are you planning on keeping in touch with him?

[Artchic528]

The question here is why are you making this pharmacist an object of obsession, and what can you do to recognize when you're obsessing over him, and how to best avoid such obsessive thoughts.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

The question here is why are you making this pharmacist an object of obsession, and what can you do to recognize when you're obsessing over him, and how to best avoid such obsessive thoughts.

.

I agree. If somebody pursued me in this fashion in my professional capacity I'd be very uncomfortable and likely will try to get that person to leave me alone via addressing it with authorities (start with talking to my boss and see if this person could be stopped and then going for RO), it's just inappropriate. I do understand obsessing though. I tend to do that too. It's something to work hard on with a therapist

I'm not understanding this. First of all why does staying in touch with the pharmacist at all matter? As this is a professional relationship it ought not to - unless of course 'staying in touch' with him has a different connotation. It would be wise of you to determine that what his interpretation of 'staying in touch' is a match to yours. If I am correct in assessing this situation you might want to ask if your expectations are reasonable and healthy. Just saying my thoughts that jump to mind.

[RainyDay107]

Hope,

Have you tried meeting people where the possibility of a true friendship is realistic? For example, at a church, a book club, a pottery class, etc.? There are tons of groups on meetup.com...check your area and groups that interest you.

In my area, there are even groups that are comprised of people that feel socially isolated and looking for friends. There's over 200 members and they have a calendar where they ha e scheduled events like seeing a movie, board game night (Monopoly, Scrabble, etc.), meet for coffee or lunch, etc. And there are mental health support groups.

Have you tried to be friends with anyone where there is no prior medical/client relationship?

I sense that you are strongly wanting someone to take care of you. That is possible with serious romantic relationships and supportive friends. However, we need to learn how to and for ourselves, too.

Relationships require reciprocity. A T, for example, that is a temporary, professional relationship where all the focus is on you. Ts, doctors, pharmacists ..... these aren't true friends. They have their own lives outside of work.

Have you ever had a platonic or romantic relationship that didn't involve you as a patient or a pharmacy customer?

If not, why? This isn't a criticism. Do you know these people that are your health providers are unavailable? Is it possible that is subconsciously why you desire friendship? Or do you need a relationship where all needs are about you only?

Thinking of you. Getting to the root cause about your repeated behavior and boundaries may be insightful.

[divine1966]

Meetup is a great suggestion. I've met groups of lovely ladies when I felt I had no friends to hang out with.

Hope, have you tried that?

[hopealwayz]

If he didn't want to stay in touch with me then he wouldn't have said yes. I'm not disrespecting him because when I apologized, everything was fine. He's great to talk to.

[hopealwayz]

I know him and he always says what he means so he could have said no to staying in touch.
He recently helped me get through a rough patch and was so patient with me. I'm realistic about the situation but I'd still like to talk to him in the future.

[FallDuskTrain]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

I know him and he always says what he means so he could have said no to staying in touch.
He recently helped me get through a rough patch and was so patient with me. I'm realistic about the situation but I'd still like to talk to him in the future.

If I were you, I would distance myself from the situation and give him some space.
Based on what I read in the thread about the pharmacist, you seem to have been obsessed about the situation. Temporarily distancing yourself from this incident could benefit to you immensely.
Good luck

[hopealwayz]

I haven't been obsessed because I have way to much stuff going on in my life right now.

[hopealwayz]

I'm sorry for ever caring.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

I haven't been obsessed because I have way to much stuff going on in my life right now.

I think you have. It's not so much about caring, but about obsessions.

You attach yourself to someone, maybe romantically. It starts off innocent enough, but the attachment gets deeper and deeper and begins to make the other person super uncomfortable, almost creeped out. As a result, they distance themselves from you more and more until they cut you off. You become more and more hurt until you realize they want nothing to do with you and utter devistation kicks in. That's when things take a super dark turn.

Hopefully you won't fall depper into this hole, because from my experience, it's very hard to come back out.

[childofchaos831]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

I haven't been obsessed because I have way to much stuff going on in my life right now.

Hope, I wonder what made you even ask the question about staying in touch, if you haven't been thinking about him?

I think the suggestions to distance from him are good. Try moving your prescriptions, or have someone else pick them up and make any phone calls that are needed. After some time (possibly a while) with no contact, you may see that these feelings aren't there or as strong anymore. On the other hand, they may still be there. If that is the case, see if he really did mean yes when he answered this question. Sometimes, relationships start from the most unlikely of places, and it could be possible that is the case here. However, the fact is that currently the relationship is a professional one, so to test that, the professional part would have to end.

Like was said above, I think trying to make connections with people that there is no prior professional relationship would be a great idea! Even just to have other friends, or more friends... I've never tried meetup myself, but I have heard great things about it. You can connect with people you have things in common with already.

It just seems, to me, that a lot of the professional relationships you have had (a lot may be incorrect, but the pharmacist is not the first or even second as far as I can tell) have led to a level of obsession. Even without acting on urges to contact people inappropriately, the mental obsessing you seem to go thru is not healthy and *may* have a part in some of the other issues you experience. I don't know much about what all you deal with daily, mental health related, but I remember reading at one point you were too depressed to leave the house, from a reaction of this pharmacist.

[hopealwayz]

It doesn't matter because I don't care anymore. Everything I do is wrong and always criticized.

[Artchic528]

We aren't criticizing you. I'm sorry your upset.

[FallDuskTrain]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

It doesn't matter because I don't care anymore. Everything I do is wrong and always criticized.

We are not criticizing you. Merely providing a different perspective.
I obsess about people and relationships quite often and I appreciate when people point out what I am not able to see because I am so deep into the incident.