Caring too much....

Does anyone out there think that feeling too deeply for a person (in whatever capacity) can be a burden in a way? An older friend of ours is not doing well and I am literally sick over it. Yes, worried sick. This person is very dear to us, like a surrogate dad. He is nicer to me and I feel closer to him than I ever felt with my own father. Anyway..it is killing me. I don't have the anxiety troubles that some people here do, but I can't concentrate, I am cleaning the house like a mad woman, and I cannot sleep.

hugs

TY for the hugs...but....I will respectfully pass on the live frog eating...

Of course what you are feeling is normal and the intensity of your feelings are average and expected; especially with you saying "This person is very dear to us, like a surrogate dad. He is nicer to me and I feel closer to him than I ever felt with my own father."
I would be worried if you didnt care as much, given that you see this person as a father.
On the other hand, while there is nothing wrong with how you are feeling, you may need more tools to handle the intensity of the emotions.
I would focus on managing the emotions instead of criticizing them.

I like what FallDuskTrain said above. It seems very natural to care this much for someone this special.

But I do understand where you're coming from. When it starts to get to the point where you aren't sleeping, or feeling like you're going mad trying to keep yourself busy so you won't dwell on things, you can't help but wonder if caring so much is a detriment to yourself.

I'm sorry you are in this situation. Having intense emotions on occasion cause more trouble than they are worth. It's perfectly natural that you would have intense feelings with someone you care so much about. While this is going on, take extra good care of yourself.

I hope your friend gets better.

Update: He is better, but he is feeling better to the point where he won't take it as easy as he should and just let us handle things for him.

hugs

I know exactly how you feel. I have the same problem, too. Usually, when something happens to someone I love and I care way too much, I wake up in the morning with anxiety, sometimes have crying spells and I just want to curl up in a ball and not do anything productive... maybe watch funny movies to distract myself, as if I was literally sick. I feel like I can only get back to normal life when this person is happy and well again. It feels selfish if I feel any less.

A good tip my therapist gave to me is to think of my cat, who loves me so much, and what he does when I'm sad. He just comes up and curls into my lap, stares up at me and purrs, as if soothing me and knowing that everything is going to be alright. If he were to get sick and miserable being worried about me, that would just create more problems. He's just there for me and comforts me. So I try to remember my cat and react the way he does, with empathy but comfort and support at the same time.

It also helps to remember this: If you can do something about it, then don't worry about it. Just do the best you can. If you can't do anything about it, then don't worry about it. As they say, you need to put your own emergency mask on before you can assist others with their masks. Take care of yourself so that you can be at your best.

I hope he gets and stays better, and has the support he needs. I also hope you'll feel better.