[Rayne Selene]

I have issues with putting myself first. I'm constantly hyperaware of other people's feelings and frustrations, and putting myself first at the expense of someone else leaves me wracked with soul-sucking guilt.

So, at the moment, I'm about to leave my job. I won't get into it here, because I just had a whoooole long forum about why I'm needing to leave, etc, and a lot of great people helped me make that decision! �� The decision is made, I'm applying for other jobs, I'm going.

But the GUILT. Ahhhh the guilt! I can barely manage it. My boss is desperate to keep me, and can tell that I'm about done (I haven't told her I'm looking for other jobs; I'm planning to give notice when I actually have solid prospects). Every time she sees me, she says something like, "I'm trying, please just bear with me!" Or "Don't leave us, we need you!" She even brought me a present on Friday; a big box of nice bath stuff. It's making me feel absolutely terrible. I feel like an awful person because no matter what she does, I don't want this job anymore. I feel like when I do give notice, I might as well be slapping her across the face. I can't stop thinking about how awful and guilty I feel, and I don't know how to manage it.

But this was never meant to be a long-term job. I got my degree in May, it's time to enter the real work force. I signed on for a year at this position, and I've fulfilled that. I'm completely within my rights to leave..

So, how do you put yourself first? How do you leave others in a mess and move on? What do I even say to her?

[Shazerac]

Originally Posted by Rayne Selene

I have issues with putting myself first. I'm constantly hyperaware of other people's feelings and frustrations, and putting myself first at the expense of someone else leaves me wracked with soul-sucking guilt.

So, at the moment, I'm about to leave my job. I won't get into it here, because I just had a whoooole long forum about why I'm needing to leave, etc, and a lot of great people helped me make that decision! �� The decision is made, I'm applying for other jobs, I'm going.

But the GUILT. Ahhhh the guilt! I can barely manage it. My boss is desperate to keep me, and can tell that I'm about done (I haven't told her I'm looking for other jobs; I'm planning to give notice when I actually have solid prospects). Every time she sees me, she says something like, "I'm trying, please just bear with me!" Or "Don't leave us, we need you!" She even brought me a present on Friday; a big box of nice bath stuff. It's making me feel absolutely terrible. I feel like an awful person because no matter what she does, I don't want this job anymore. I feel like when I do give notice, I might as well be slapping her across the face. I can't stop thinking about how awful and guilty I feel, and I don't know how to manage it.

But this was never meant to be a long-term job. I got my degree in May, it's time to enter the real work force. I signed on for a year at this position, and I've fulfilled that. I'm completely within my rights to leave..

So, how do you put yourself first? How do you leave others in a mess and move on? What do I even say to her?

In my opinion you say to her is exactly what you just said in this post. You have fulfilled your obligations in a responsible manner, and it's time to move on.

I don't know what to say about the guilt other than you aren't doing anything wrong. Your ultimate responsibility in this life is to yourself. Sometime our decisions will leave someone in a mess, or they just plain don't like it.

Many of us in the mental illness community are plagued with free floating guilt. We are programmed practically from birth to feel selfish and guilty when we attempt to have our own needs met. It's a big crock of crap. It makes me angry that we all suffer from this so much.

[MickeyCheeky]

I think the only solution is to be honest. Say, in a polite way, that now you want to apply for the job of your dreams, and that you have nothing against the workplace. Like you said, it's not your fault, and it's a perfectly legitimate thing to do.

[Thunder Bow]

It looks like she really likes you. How do you feel about someone who really likes you? How do you feel about being appreciated by someone? Can you accept that? This does not mean you have to stay. But it might hep you deal with the dalemma.

[Sunflower123]

I agree you should be honest when the time comes. As you start putting yourself and your needs first you'll become more comfortable with it and feel less guilt. It's ok to put yourself first sometimes. When you leave be kind and appreciative, be honest and then move on. I understand why you feel guilty in this situation but proceed anyway. Sending big hugs.

Here is another way to look at it. What happens when they don't need you? They let you go!! Laid off. Do what is right for you. The end!