Those Stories You Want to Tell

when my sister got back from a holiday to disneyland, she was so excited to tell me about all the people she'd met (mickey mouse, goofy, captain hook etc)

I turned to her and went.... uh, you do realise these people are just men dressed in costumes

spoiled it for her but I got a laugh out of it

At work I became friends with a guy that was old enough to be my dad. Then I sort of got a "crush" on him. I can't explain it but I didn't find him physically attractive, there was something else.

People joked that he was my boyfriend which was very embarrassing. But nobody ever found out the truth including him. I lost interest after a few months and felt so ashamed.

the school I went to was in a very old building (it used to be a hospital, and before that something to do with the war)

well 1 lunchtime me and a classmate sneaked out to look at this coridor- which she believed was haunted and contained an ancient tunnel that apparently was used by soldiers in the olden days to hhide and for quick transportation to the town

well, long story short, we found the tunnel and it led us all the way to the local church.

no one knew we were in that forbidden coridor. we didn't tell anyone

but spooky huh?

their's also rumours that it contained an old operating theater somewhere

not sure if this is a repeat (if it is, sorry)

but when I was younger, I had a talking soft toy teddybear called bingo bear

my school were doing a teddy bear's picnic- and each of us had to bring a bear

I was so afraid about someone else breaking bingo, or him getting dirty or broken, I made up a lie about not being able to take talking teddies to school

and it worked. I didn't have to take bingo to school.

I kept him for a few years after that until his stuffing fell out

so, I struggle when things are coming to an end (or end anyway), always have done.

back when I was a kid, I had an audio tape of the book johny and the bomb by terry pratchett

I didn't like it (well not really that much), but as it drew closer to the end of the story, I balled my eyes out and curled in to a ball (like I do when anything is endingg, if I liked it or not)

anyway my babysitter anna came in to my room and didn't know what the matter was and took my hand and is like.. what's wrong?. why are you crying?

and I told her it was because of the story.. and she's like but hun you don't even like terry pratchett, but if it makes you feel better, you could rewind the tape and start the story from the beginning

and that, is what I did. I stopped the story where it was, rewound it, and listened to it from the start

I never did find out what happened in the end of the story because as the end aproached I just got upset, but I remembered what anna had said and just kept rewinding it.. so it never ended

Once I cried at work when I messed something up and the boss wasn't there to sort it out. My supervisor was angry so I cried. I was 20 or something. I was so ashamed afterwards and I don't know why I did it, I'm just soft and stupid really.

when I was smaller, I was part of an email support group for a kind of cancer- I just found it and wanted to be a member to support the people and to be their for them and to help them see things from diffrent angles.

well, one of the members of the group, kevin, passed away- and before I knew what I was doing, I was writing a poem in honour of kevin- just about how he blessed the group and what a remarkable man he really was

the other members of the group loved it, and it's how I was encouraged to continue poetry

they said it was good and I shouldn't waste my tallent

on another website (it was a news website for kids), it was coming to the end of my time- so it was like 11 to 18 year olds, so because I'd made good friends their and couldn't bear to leave, I lied about my age and got an extra year on the forum

At high school I had collected quite a lot of change from the dinner money and one day my mum said I had enough so just take that. So when I went to pay for it I had to count out loads of small change and it took ages. The woman at the till complained and told me to hurry up and some of the other kids behind me in the queue started yelling at me too. And because I was so soft I cried about it.

So after that I tried to use some of the change but I started keeping some of the smaller change and putting it in my money box. I didn't think this was "stealing" at the time though it obviously was. All I cared about was avoiding the humiliation and getting told off for having too much small change and taking too long. I just didn't want it to happen again.

Of course I could have told my mum what happened and that I didn't want to take loads of change, but I was too upset and ashamed.

In middle school and high school I was bullied all the time and everyone hated me. In every PE lesson where we had to be in teams I was rejected.

Sometimes the teacher chose 2 team captains and they took it in turns to choose other people to be on their team. I was ALWAYS last. Every time. And whoever had to have me on their team groaned about it.

Sometimes the teacher would randomly choose people for each team. When they chose me and told me which team to go to, everyone on that team complained "why do we have to have HER??" while the other team were relieved they didn't get me.

I really hated PE for that reason and I actually pretended to be sick a lot on days with PE so I could stay off school.

I relate to this. I had no friends in middle school and was also bad at sports, so no one wanted me on their team. The gym teacher used to divide up the last few kids, so no one was actually picked last, but I still knew I was last.

I don't think I even got the chance to be good or bad, they just rejected me from the start.

Once in high school we were playing football and the other girls were so angry about having me on the team, they ganged up on me and started tackling me and knocked me down. Then started yelling about how s*** I was. The teacher didn't do anything about it, just stood there with his arms folded and told us to "stop fighting".

I can definitely related to having someone do that to me.

I have took a few things back to shops for a refund after "using" them for a short time. But they weren't what I wanted so I didn't use them much, but I did fully charge something, then find out it wasn't what I wanted. I packed them so neatly into the box you couldn't tell they had been used. Said they were unwanted gifts.

I get bitterly upset at unwanted items (it sounds really weak, right?)

but if i buy something I can't use or it won't work, then I'll just break down crying- even though I know it isn't my fault it's broken

says the woman who takes joy in breaking her stuff. I'm unreal

They weren't unwanted gifts, they were things I had bought because I thought they would be good, but then realised they weren't, or didn't do what I wanted. Things I shouldn't have really bought in the first place.

One time when I was in about 3rd grade I kept having a precursor to existential dread (whatever could be considered existential dread for a 3rd grader). I would listen to "Man on the Moon" by R.E.M. and reminisce. I guess I still do that to some degree. It's my personality.

Another time I thought I stole something from a shop when I was about 5 or 6. The alarm for the shop went off and I got really scared. I thought they would put me in jail. But it turned out that I hadn't stolen anything.

So many memories of things. . .

so what triggered the alarm in the shop?

curious

When I was very young I had an imaginary friend. Once I feel out with this friend because she was "just an idiot like everyone else".

Also I was scared of the dark, or more scared of the shapes of the things on the shelves, how they looked in the dark. So I would lie in bed at a weird angle with just my face sticking out so that I could breathe. All I could see from here was the blank wall so I couldn't see the other things I thought were so scary.

About 2 or 3 years ago I was in a shop looking for something. There was 2 old women, one had picked up something and couldn't read the small text, the other one couldn't either. I stupidly tried to "help" even though i know my help is bad. I reached up to take the box out of her hand intending to read what it said for her.

But because I can barely talk with such a weak voice I hadn't said anything. She snatched her hand back and give me a terrifying look like I was pure evil. The other one had a similar look on her face. I felt so ashamed I quickly walked away. I could feel my face was really hot and I felt so bad and couldn't believe I did that. What was I thinking?!

I even feel ashamed writing about it here now. It was such a bad thing to do, the wrong thing to do. I should have just ignored them. That's the best way to stay out of trouble, don't talk to anyone, don't try to interact with anyone in any other way. Did I really think she would let me take it out of her hand and mumble something incoherent in my crackly voice?

The shame!

(((((randomer123)))))

When I was about 11 or 12, I made christmas cards from all of my toys and stuck them all over the bedroom wall. I also tried to be clever and put "jokes" on some of them, like some cards do have. I obviously thought they were funny at the time but they weren't, actually thinking about it now, they were really embarrassing. And they were stuck all over the wall for my parents to see, they must have thought they were really stupid and embarrassing. The whole idea of doing that was bad enough but the "jokes" were worse.

Almost every day I finish my work in an hour or two hours and then spend the rest of the day doing stuff that really isn't working like posting on PC, reading a book, watching a movie or TV show, shopping on Amazon etc. I'm amazed I get paid because I don't have that much work to do. A few times in the month I actually have a lot of stuff to do, but most of the time, not that much. It makes me feel like kind of bad because I get paid for doing stuff I could do at home. But I'm here if someone needs me, like sometimes my boss needs me for stuff. It's a weird feeling. Kit.

one year I braught someone a jazz cd (this person loved jazz, and what I got for her was a 5 cd box set)

she opened it up and looked at it and turned round to me and said, you know em, I don't actually want this one

talk about hurt.. I made a special effert to buy her that and surprise her

one time I leant a friend a special cd of mine (it was special because it had some songs on you can't buy in regular shops). she wanted to listen to it- and I'm like fine, give it a listen and see what you think

well, she made the disk quite dirty- and even scratched it. the following week when I came to collect it from her, she goes to me... well, I sort of scratched your special cd- and I'm like that's okay, it can't all be scratched- I'll have it back and see how good it still plays, anyway it's special to me

then she goes... I didn't want to embarrass you by giving you a scratched cd so I snapped it and through it away

and I'm like you....... what?. I can't get that cd back, ever. I hate you so bad now

most of those songs were forign language (spanish), and getting them back- even in digital form will be hard