https://www.eharmony.co.uk/dating-ad...p#.WjjLnmixWEc

I answer for most of the signs and it’s HARD to accept.
Why? Because people have the advantage over me regarding this and life experiences. Because it means accepting that others will do better in life than I do because I’ve been born to issues and to even more just because my parents couldn’t emotionally take care of us accordingly.

It means being submissive and non-dominant which I HATE!
Because it means dominants have more rights and fulfilment than submissives.

Nothing but anger at my stupid family’s decisions. Pathetic ******oles

Possible trigger:

one of the reasons I considered suicide is because of this baggage, and the fact that others will do better than me, especially that ex crush.

My ex crush who’d talk about how “everyone has baggage”, or “professional help is good, I’d go for it if I had the money”, while it’s all just advice and nothing to do with her. She could talk about the importance of health for me, while she sabotages her own for the sake of studies. F***ing hypocrite, hate it when people don’t measure to their advice, it’s kind of like lying in the face to me.
A part of me wishes I could help her and with it ourselves, through self-improvement such as walks or jogs since she tended to lightly rant about her weight although I see no problem with it. But, she’s going out with someone, so I can’t fulfill my desire to help.

And for goodness sake, I end up being below her regarding academics, which in the long term could mean she’d be above me in career life. I hate being below abilities in a relationship and I like being the stronger one, not the weaker one who is now seen as someone who needs care.

[OldTaylor]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

https://www.eharmony.co.uk/dating-ad...p#.WjjLnmixWEc

I answer for most of the signs and it’s HARD to accept.
Why? Because people have the advantage over me regarding this and life experiences. Because it means accepting that others will do better in life than I do because I’ve been born to issues and to even more just because my parents couldn’t emotionally take care of us accordingly.

It means being submissive and non-dominant which I HATE!
Because it means dominants have more rights and fulfilment than submissives.

Nothing but anger at my stupid family’s decisions. Pathetic ******oles

Possible trigger:

one of the reasons I considered suicide is because of this baggage, and the fact that others will do better than me, especially that ex crush.

My ex crush who’d talk about how “everyone has baggage”, or “professional help is good, I’d go for it if I had the money”, while it’s all just advice and nothing to do with her. She could talk about the importance of health for me, while she sabotages her own for the sake of studies. F***ing hypocrite, hate it when people don’t measure to their advice, it’s kind of like lying in the face to me.
A part of me wishes I could help her and with it ourselves, through self-improvement such as walks or jogs since she tended to lightly rant about her weight although I see no problem with it. But, she’s going out with someone, so I can’t fulfill my desire to help.

And for goodness sake, I end up being below her regarding academics, which in the long term could mean she’d be above me in career life. I hate being below abilities in a relationship and I like being the stronger one, not the weaker one who is now seen as someone who needs care.

Yes. I.Q.s and G.P.A.s are meant as strong indexes regarding the probability of a person's success in life. Without clicking the link, the concerns expressed here suggested to me how shallow I might be. The concerns here actually brought to mind something an elementary school teacher said to me. She said that I needed to put my blinders on. Horses wear blinders to cut down on distractions. I'm still easily distracted but not so easily as before. I have to struggle to focus on academics, hygiene, relationships, business, pleasure, everything cause anything can snatch my attention and send me "off on a tangent" that automatically diminishes my I.Q. and G.P.A.s. So when I discover myself in an episode of scattered consciousness, the blinder allegory comes to mind to help me focus on me and not the competition.

[Curry]

I hear you. I dream of my parents thinking I was special, of my ex staying with me and working out what he wanted, of my kids not questioning me as a mom. And now, it is Christmas and I am supposed to tie all my emotions in a big red bow. When I think what I want, life looks better. I want some good hugs, some good meals, a nice walk, to write and to read. I will walk away when I don't fit into someone's insecurities, it works really well with my ex. When he gets going, I say I am just going for a walk. I am not sure what picture I have with my life, it is not the hall mark one, but I will try and fill mine with passion and life, even if it is just eating Christmas trifle with my fingers.

[OldTaylor]

Originally Posted by Curry

I hear you. I dream of my parents thinking I was special, of my ex staying with me and working out what he wanted, of my kids not questioning me as a mom. And now, it is Christmas and I am supposed to tie all my emotions in a big red bow. When I think what I want, life looks better. I want some good hugs, some good meals, a nice walk, to write and to read. I will walk away when I don't fit into someone's insecurities, it works really well with my ex. When he gets going, I say I am just going for a walk. I am not sure what picture I have with my life, it is not the hall mark one, but I will try and fill mine with passion and life, even if it is just eating Christmas trifle with my fingers.

The concept "me time" blends nicely with that of "self-improvement" as long as the self remembers that society, even during work and play and studies, is a social environment and we might effortlessly isolate ourselves if we become callus to the content of others in our lives--be careful that "self" doesn't totally isolate "me."

Originally Posted by OldTaylor

The concept "me time" blends nicely with that of "self-improvement" as long as the self remembers that society, even during work and play and studies, is a social environment and we might effortlessly isolate ourselves if we become callus to the content of others in our lives--be careful that "self" doesn't totally isolate "me."

That's my concern. I see myself as a rigid and isolated individual, at least lately, as I am much less tolerant to compromises and question people more than usual. With that, I lose chances to bond with people, because I am so internally focused on how on EARTH am I going to self-improve myself!

[OldTaylor]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

That's my concern. I see myself as a rigid and isolated individual, at least lately, as I am much less tolerant to compromises and question people more than usual. With that, I lose chances to bond with people, because I am so internally focused on how on EARTH am I going to self-improve myself!

Still a little out of focus, but better and very clearly determined--for now. But here the focus is on having been isolated by someone or something else. Our current consideration regards being careful not to isolate ourselves in escaping the other isolation, and, better still, becoming the me that our potential allows us to become. We often think of our own I.Q.s, GPA's, trades, skills, innate talents, hobbies and artistic abilities--those we possess and those we might choose to acquire.

[VernonJenkins]

Vibrating Obsidian, what are your hobbies?

Originally Posted by VernonJenkins

Vibrating Obsidian, what are your hobbies?

Fishkeeping, music creation, gaming, exercise, traveling.
Most hobbies are inactive however.

[VernonJenkins]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

Fishkeeping, music creation, gaming, exercise, traveling.
Most hobbies are inactive however.

What type of music do you like?

Originally Posted by OldTaylor

Still a little out of focus, but better and very clearly determined--for now. But here the focus is on having been isolated by someone or something else. Our current consideration regards being careful not to isolate ourselves in escaping the other isolation, and, better still, becoming the me that our potential allows us to become. We often think of our own I.Q.s, GPA's, trades, skills, innate talents, hobbies and artistic abilities--those we possess and those we might choose to acquire.

I don't get it, who are you talking about here? Can you clarify the post?

Originally Posted by VernonJenkins

What type of music do you like?

Where are you heading with these questions?

[VernonJenkins]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

Where are you heading with these questions?

Don't you want to distract yourself from the negative thoughts you're having? I thought maybe a conversation would help you feel better, but maybe it's that you're just not interested in talking about music.

Originally Posted by VernonJenkins

Don't you want to distract yourself from the negative thoughts you're having? I thought maybe a conversation would help you feel better, but maybe it's that you're just not interested in talking about music.

I'd love to have a conversation, but I'll talk to you on PM

[VernonJenkins]

You're never going to be flawless and you must know that. You have a need to compare yourself to other people though, so maybe it would be good to focus on what you're good at and find people who aren't as good to compare yourself to. Maybe that doesn't work though.

Try to focus on something good, whatever good is to you. Hobbies, talents, good deeds, etc. The time you spend thinking about what you can't do could be spent thinking about the things you can do. Other people do this and it works, so maybe it could work for you too if you stayed dedicated to it.

[OldTaylor]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

I don't get it, who are you talking about here? Can you clarify the post?


Where are you heading with these questions?

If I'm to gain from my participation and through my contribution here, clarity is a necessary component. There's another post included here serving only to confuse matters and destroy any potential focus on meaning. That's all.

[OldTaylor]

Originally Posted by VernonJenkins

You're never going to be flawless and you must know that. You have a need to compare yourself to other people though, so maybe it would be good to focus on what you're good at and find people who aren't as good to compare yourself to. Maybe that doesn't work though.

Try to focus on something good, whatever good is to you. Hobbies, talents, good deeds, etc. The time you spend thinking about what you can't do could be spent thinking about the things you can do. Other people do this and it works, so maybe it could work for you too if you stayed dedicated to it.

Extremely clear and not unlike Shakespeare!

Originally Posted by VernonJenkins

You're never going to be flawless and you must know that. You have a need to compare yourself to other people though, so maybe it would be good to focus on what you're good at and find people who aren't as good to compare yourself to. Maybe that doesn't work though.

Try to focus on something good, whatever good is to you. Hobbies, talents, good deeds, etc. The time you spend thinking about what you can't do could be spent thinking about the things you can do. Other people do this and it works, so maybe it could work for you too if you stayed dedicated to it.

That actually sounds very helpful. Thanks for that!

[OldTaylor]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

I'd love to have a conversation, but I'll talk to you on PM

Of course Vibrating Obsidian is is interested in music and a PM? What goes on there? Musical vibrations? What kind of conspiracy is taking place here? Wait. Did I choose to PM? Or was a desire to PM created in me . . . ? I'm not ready to PM. Done. What would I PM about anyway? lol

Today I woke up to despair and suicida thoughts and I’ll tell you why.
I felt that my emotional self is weak, and that it not only hinders my success, but puts me below mediocrity when I seek to be above average.
I left friends of the past because I could not voice my hurts to them, and it started hurting inside so much that I had to leave so I won’t get more pain. In one group, the only ones who cared are two of the three women in there. The rest were silent. In time the group gradually disbanded.
Another group involved a self-centered person, who’d get most of the group’s attention to him and only him. And in time, his masks would be revealed, and because of that I left.

I sometimes think emotional maturity is bull****, and a key only inheretingly earned by cruel and competitive people.
I am very open to hear otherwise

[Curry]

Hi Vibrating Obsidian. I have the same search as you, as how do I bond with people. I get that people are made to be social. I just keep trying because I want to be as healthy as possible. I take risks to try different hobbies and to go to different groups, I have found some really kind people for instance at cuddle parties. I also keep looking for education, I just started looking at my tone and body language even when my mind feels perfectly logical. What works for me the best is to accept that I am okay with my own company, but I am made to love people if they will let me.

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

Today I woke up to despair and suicida thoughts and I’ll tell you why.
I felt that my emotional self is weak, and that it not only hinders my success, but puts me below mediocrity when I seek to be above average.
I left friends of the past because I could not voice my hurts to them, and it started hurting inside so much that I had to leave so I won’t get more pain. In one group, the only ones who cared are two of the three women in there. The rest were silent. In time the group gradually disbanded.
Another group involved a self-centered person, who’d get most of the group’s attention to him and only him. And in time, his masks would be revealed, and because of that I left.

I sometimes think emotional maturity is bull****, and a key only inheretingly earned by cruel and competitive people.
I am very open to hear otherwise

I'm terrible at advice. I still have a lot to figure out myself. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're having such a rough day and I hope it gets better.

[OldTaylor]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

Today I woke up to despair and suicida thoughts and I’ll tell you why.
I felt that my emotional self is weak, and that it not only hinders my success, but puts me below mediocrity when I seek to be above average.
I left friends of the past because I could not voice my hurts to them, and it started hurting inside so much that I had to leave so I won’t get more pain. In one group, the only ones who cared are two of the three women in there. The rest were silent. In time the group gradually disbanded.
Another group involved a self-centered person, who’d get most of the group’s attention to him and only him. And in time, his masks would be revealed, and because of that I left.

I sometimes think emotional maturity is bull****, and a key only inheretingly earned by cruel and competitive people.
I am very open to hear otherwise

Histrionic: Doesn't sound like yesterday's PM helped to ease a great percentage of today's despair. Me wishing you well, I really thought it might workout for you and very much wanted to be part of it all. Thanks for allowing me to vent here and now. I'm absolutely thrilled that you "woke up" this morning (exclude despair). I don't mind being your "shoulder to cry on."

[OldTaylor]

Originally Posted by Curry

Hi Vibrating Obsidian. I have the same search as you, as how do I bond with people. I get that people are made to be social. I just keep trying because I want to be as healthy as possible. I take risks to try different hobbies and to go to different groups, I have found some really kind people for instance at cuddle parties. I also keep looking for education, I just started looking at my tone and body language even when my mind feels perfectly logical. What works for me the best is to accept that I am okay with my own company, but I am made to love people if they will let me.

Nice as curry spice.

I had a session with my therapist, and she dug into my heart and it has made me feel uncomfortable after the session. I have a memory of going through an evaluation test with a different peofessional, and we talked about my attention to social cues. I am not sure if I can’t pick social cues, I am just mostly not interested.

But scratching through the heart just makes me realize how crappy my life have really been. And with all the cue reading and all that bullc***, I don’t know how I’m gonna get along.
All I’ve been busy doing is reading about social status. Emotional bonds have never interested me, because it’s hard and sometimes futule in my eyes to have a hold on them.

And to think of all the experiences I could have missed out during that time, it only makes me want to end my life. Because if that’s the life therapists want you to have, then it makes the life I wanted to live obsolete - a life of principles of me towards the environment. While in solitude, approaching life intelligently

[dlantern]

I m glad most cant handle my baggage they just want gift me. I feel I reign supreme lets me know the potential