[Marylin]

I had an exhausting day doing the food shop for christmas and unpacking it when I got home.My whole body hurts and is full of tension,in particular my neck,shoulders and back and legs hurt,they hurt a lot.

I am overtired but can't relax,I am wound up,fed up of being alone and having to do everything myself,my muscles ache,my eyes are heavy,my breathing laboured.I am trying to rest but my mind won't stop worrying and going over my fears.I am emotionally drained and conflicted,I need to relax and recuperate,rebuild my strength and emotional stamina.

It is Friday 22nd December I am home until Tuesday,I will be on my own tomorrow,sunday xmas eve and Monday xmas day.Boxing day I am going to see a film and preparing food for the 27th,my niece is coming and we are having our xmas day meal and opening presents.I am overtired so I feel like crying,I want to chat but there is no one here to chat to.

I may just fall asleep now cos I am so tired....I am certainly going to lie down on the sofa,I hurt a lot though both physically and emotionally,I don't know what to do to help myself feel better!I wish there was someone here to give me a physical body massage,the tension between my shoulders is too much.

[MickeyCheeky]

Christmas can be very stressful. I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this.. try to hang on, it will be over at some point.

[Thunder Bow]

Get as mush rest as possible. Cancel plans if you are still feeling this way. Take care of yourself first.

[Marylin]

I rested today,christmas eve,I slept a lot and watched the box...cuddled up to my cats.
I was talking to online friends and pretending to be upbeat and cheerful but really I am depressed about so much.I am depressed about being alone,about being ill chronically and about the fact that I eat crap food even though I have a lot of knowledge about healthy eating,about the fact that I am gaining weight instead of losing it,I am my own worst enemy.
I made it a new year's resolution to lose weight and eat healthy foods,I hope I can stick to it!
There is still xmas day to get through on my own,and Boxing day,though on that day I am going to see a film and have a meal at the pub,both of which I am looking forward to if I have the energy.....and am not too weighed down by indulging on sweet stuff tomorrow.I might avoid sweet junk and just eat savoury.On wednesday I wouldn't be complaining cos my niece is coming we are having a meal and opening presents and I get to spend all day with her,just us on our own.We have a DVD to watch.

It is so good to be on here to have a place where I can vent and be honest about how I am feeling.Tonight I feel sad and lonely that is the truth....I know many people are worse off than me and I should be grateful I am not on the streets out in the cold,hungry...I am thankful for what I have but I feel I need to change certain things in my life before I am truly happy and living the good life on God's path,that is what he wants for me and that is what I want too.

Thanks for reading this and I wish all of you a Happy Christmas and a Very Happy New Year 2018,I hope it brings you every happiness and whatever you want and need.

[continuosly blue]

I can identify with how your feeling very much. I am exhausted physically and mentally. Why ? Because I got what I prayed for. I too was alone. I too have a chronic pain issue. I was so lonely and depressed that I worked my way back into my ex’s life. Now I’m back home and more frustrated than ever. To put it simply , I went from a very nice quiet life into a life full of drama and frustration and anxiety. I feel I have lost all self respect for myself. I was abandoned, by everyone who I am now talking to. It’s like all that stuff never happened.
For them. But I can’t keep but wonder how my life would be now if I had cut all communication with her , like I should have.
I went through terrible pain when I was alone. BUT I was coming out the other side. I was beginning to develop a new mindset. Living in the now. Caring just for myself. It sounds selfish but we’re talking survival here.
I also am a very grateful person , don’t get me wrong, but I also wanted a better life for ME. Not in a selfish, egotistical way, just in a “raise my self esteem way”.
Hang in there . Just focus on the now. Forget the holiday crap that depresses so many of us. The anxiety. Work on your health issues one day at a time.
And most of all, don’t put pressure on YOURSELF.
The best to you and all.

[Marylin]

Hi continuouslyblue,
Thank you for the advice and for your understanding.I am sorry to hear of your troubles.
You need to reassess and maybe backtrack.You thought you wanted to get back with your ex and did so,you now realise it was a mistake,it isn't too late,it might take some work and be hard but you can leave her again and get your own place.Don't go on living in circumstances that make you unhappy.Change it and do it asap in the New Year.I wish you all the best and happiness,Happy New Year 2018xxxx

[continuosly blue]

Originally Posted by Marylin

Hi continuouslyblue,
Thank you for the advice and for your understanding.I am sorry to hear of your troubles.
You need to reassess and maybe backtrack.You thought you wanted to get back with your ex and did so,you now realise it was a mistake,it isn't too late,it might take some work and be hard but you can leave her again and get your own place.Don't go on living in circumstances that make you unhappy.Change it and do it asap in the New Year.I wish you all the best and happiness,Happy New Year 2018xxxx

Marylin.....I thank you so much for your kind words. I can’t say enough how much they are appreciated. Out here you feel so alone , but then you come along and give me hope. Your advice is well taken. You are absolutely correct in your assessment of my situation. Just totally correct. The only problem is that I don’t have what it takes, right now, to implement what needs to be done.
I just feel so drained. I’m hoping to gather the strength over time to be able and
do what I know needs to be done. I also need to be able to be completely honest with myself. I know I’m not happy but my own mind lies to me in so many ways.
I think 2018 will be the year of change, for me and for you.
Wishing you all the best and happiness too.
Happy New Year ! The year that we will build a new life of happiness and freedom, one day at a time.

[Marylin]

Well I hope that you make it to happiness and freedom continuouslyblue...we are not quite both in the same situation as I now have my freedom but I still seek happiness and to heal some conditions health wise.I hope you gain the energy and clarity that you need.Happy New Year to you too!

[PianogirlPlays]

So much pressure and struggles! Overwhelmed!