[Wantingtogrow1029]

I am in my early twenties living with fear and worry every morning and it lasts all day. I want to go back to work but i have such anxiety thinking about it because i feel like such a disappointment for taking a stress leave. I feel embarrassed and scrutanized. Ive been in a horrible relationship for 3 yrs. Im so scared to leave and be alone. I panic about everything. I use to take "anti depressents" when I was 20 but stopped taking them. I also took a bit of lorazepam... But i was never diagnosed with anything. Last time i saw my doctor i was fixated on the fact that i had contracted either hiv or hep C.. I work in the healthcare feild and could have been exposed... Anyway i was just so worried about my blood tests when she asked how my mental health was i told her: ya ya everythings fine JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN BLOOD TEST) joking i didnt say that... But i was thinking it) anywho.. She dismissed me and i went on my way but thats not the point. The point is i was consumed by mania and hysteria... I often obsess about being infected ... I know its effing crazy but it consumes me. Truth is i feel trapped from living the life i should be. I also smoke alot of marijuana... Maybe its really messed me up mentally. I just want to gorge on food and watch netflix all day.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Wanting: I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. Personally, I've never done marijuana. But I have to say that smoking it, or doing street drugs, it seems to me is like throwing gasoline on glowing embers for anyone who has any type of mental health issues. Maybe that's just my own personal prejudice. But there it is.

You mentioned seeing your doctor. But you didn't mention seeing a therapist. So, if that's not something you're doing, perhaps the time has come? You may, at some point, also want to consider seeing a psychiatrist for your mental health issues... again assuming you're not already doing so. (From what you wrote it sounds as though the doctor you mention in your post is probably a GP.) Fear & worry have been my constant companions over the years. So I know how debilitating it can be to carry those things around 24 / 7. I wish you well...