I am upset I want to cry too much going on it is all overwhelming!

I was supposed to be contacted for CBT therapy last November,I was on a list since last July,they haven't contacted me,I keep trying to phone them but their phone lines are constantly busy.

I have been struggling with diet,and trying to lose weight,I am 300 pounds and my blood sugars are high in the 400's.Diet is something I struggle with every day not to eat the wrong foods but some days I fail and do eat badly.
This upsets me a lot.

I also suffer loneliness and want to find a special someone but feel unattractive and have low self esteem and trust issues and issues with sex and sexuality,I can't switch on to sex without feeling threatened,vulnerable,exposed to ridicule.

I am trying to kick start my social life and form friendships after a long time out cos I stopped making efforts that way due to being used and hurt and losing trust.

My sister who is mum's carer is going to hospital for an operation so I have to keep an eye on mum who has carer's in every time I visit her it is a 4 mile trip there and back and I have to go by mini cab.Next week I may have to visit three times and be on call if something goes wrong.

I have doctors appointments,weight management class and I want to start yoga and exercise at home.

My niece has gone to the US to study at UCLA for six months and I am missing her,it has only been 3 weeks,I hate the thought of another five months without her.

All of this is overwhelming plus to top it all off tiles fell off the bathroom wall reminding me of all the decorating and sorting needs doing around the house.And funds are low and debts are high....I want to cry and I want someone to share all the issues and help me through them.I am sad,I am lonely,I get afraid,I often think the foods I eat are going to kill me cos I had cancer before and ate well and cured it and now I am eating crap again even drinking soda pop!My anxiety around all these issues is high.

How do I find inner peace?....I can when I connect to love,God's love and self love but everyday I forget the importance of this and try to solve everything in my head and that won't work,I know I have to love myself and live the solutions but I am partly a very bad person and hate myself so how can I remember to love myself cos I feel I deserve a break and I know for sure God loves me he saved my life more than once so why can't I forgive the bad inside me and love myself and not reject myself and others?Some one wrote on line that inner peace comes from self love and self acceptance and I don't have that all the time though I have had it sometimes but deep down I am very insecure and don't like rejection but I have rejected nearly everyone in life who has shown interest in me as if they exercise bad judgement choosing to like or love me,I can't handle it.It is my comfort zone to be alone even though it is lonely and I am used to it,sharing my life,space,things with someone else feels very unsafe to me and I find it hard to tolerate sharing myself all the time it feels intrusive....security is important to me and space and I don't know if anyone would date me and not expect to move in or whatever more deeper union they might expect,I wouldn't be able to do it.

My dear... do you pray? You believe in God. Do you believe in prayer? Ask for help! I believe in prayer, and it always helps me whenever i am overwhelmed with too many problems to resolve.

—-prioritize these things first. Have someone help you list these in order of importance. My opinion living w a diabetic and seeing how that causes more serious problems is to deal w that first. You can exercise, you can eat vegetables (stir fry w chicken, yum). Accomplish one thing each day to get the momentum going. Go to a group w people who have the same goals. You are absolutely not alone!

Thanks for the advice.My doctor referred me to a weight management group,I attended first session Monday,it went well.I am three days into my diet,I had stir fry vegetables tonight.I have said how things are going in my thread on the Health Support part of the forum,the thread is,'Diabetes and weight control'.See there for an update on my situation.Thanks again luvyrself.