[DechanDawa]

Okay...a few years ago after falling into depression I decided to clean up my life. I got rid of a lot of bad habits.

One things is...I got rid of toxic friendships and relationships.

I haven't really established any new relationships.

One person advanced, offering friendship, but I did not have a good feeling about it...so I didn't respond.

In looking back over my life I see that when lonely I kind of let anyone into my life. Since that has changed I am more alone.

I guess it is good that I no longer have toxic friendships. They can be very hurtful. I feel like I should be happier alone because I have elevated my life. But's I'm not.

[DechanDawa]

I'm not doing well.

[Sassandclass]

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

I'm not doing well.

This is the issue with cutting toxic people from your life, you will have way less people in your life. It’s pretty logical and obvious when you think about it. But it’s also way better for you in the long run.

I find a healthy balance works for me. I have close friends (about 3) who I truly let into my life and who are here for me when I need help, and vice versa.

The rest of the people I hang out with, I see their ability to be toxic. So although I’ll see them once in awhile or once every couple weeks, I don’t get close to them. Just a causal contact that enables us to hang out sometimes. Not close enough for them to potentially toxify our friendship or my life.

It’s all about deciding what you want in life, and then setting personal boundaries to ensure those needs are respected by others.

[MickeyCheeky]

It's perfectly understandable you'd feel lonely. It's not a pleasent feeling. It's probably a better than being around toxic people, but it still hurts.
Do you think you're able to form new relationships with other people? Perhaps starting from what you like to do.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

It's perfectly understandable you'd feel lonely. It's not a pleasent feeling. It's probably a better than being around toxic people, but it still hurts.
Do you think you're able to form new relationships with other people? Perhaps starting from what you like to do.

Yes, MC, I had this same idea. I have started the sport of running this year. When I get good enough I want to join a running club. I figure it is a good way to meet people who are interested in living a healthy lifestyle. But I'm not there yet. It's down the road.

You have formed new boundaries and now you have a void to fill up with good people and good things.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by ForWhatItsWorth2U

You have formed new boundaries and now you have a void to fill up with good people and good things.

Well, no wonder so many people stay in toxic relationships. Having boundaries keeps a lot on the outside...and I am inside the circle alone.

I hear you.

I think joining a running club sounds a good start. Even just building acquaintances can help with loneliness. Friendship and true friendships are rarer in my experience.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

I hear you.

I think joining a running club sounds a good start. Even just building acquaintances can help with loneliness. Friendship and true friendships are rarer in my experience.

Thank you, and thanks for responding PF. I hope your running is going well. I remember you talked about your running club. The thing about a running club that makes me nervous is I don't know if it will be a "fun thing" or if people will be all kinds of competitive.

Over the years I have done a lot of wacky things to meet people....I joined a drumming class...I took fly-fishing lessons...I volunteered with therapy horses...I taught little Tibetan children how to read..I was at one time pretty involved with my spiritual community...I was a hospital volunteer for over a decade...I started an origami club...was a neighborhood watch participant...

I am no stranger to how to reach out socially. I guess I am missing friends...genuine friends. I think you are wise in saying it is probably rare. I have one friend from childhood who is a true blue friend forever...but we don't live near one another.

Being single also makes it tough. If I was in a relationship I would probably not even be writing this thread.

But it is better to be alone than surrounded by toxic people so I guess I am making progress as my life is thankfully purged of toxic people.

Change is not easy, that's for sure. Even if it's 'good' change.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by ForWhatItsWorth2U

Change is not easy, that's for sure. Even if it's 'good' change.

Very wise comment. Thanks.

You're welcome.

Hi, I agree that cutting toxic relationships out of our lives in turn creates a void.

If I might suggest, fill this void with casual acquaintanceships. I myself find it difficult to get particularly close to others having cleared my own life of those who needed to be gotten rid of. Instead however I have managed to form looser relationships. I know a great deal of people with which to spend time with as needed. Having trust issues however I just don't allow myself to get close enough for it to be broken.

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

Thank you, and thanks for responding PF. I hope your running is going well. I remember you talked about your running club. The thing about a running club that makes me nervous is I don't know if it will be a "fun thing" or if people will be all kinds of competitive.

Over the years I have done a lot of wacky things to meet people....I joined a drumming class...I took fly-fishing lessons...I volunteered with therapy horses...I taught little Tibetan children how to read..I was at one time pretty involved with my spiritual community...I was a hospital volunteer for over a decade...I started an origami club...was a neighborhood watch participant...

I am no stranger to how to reach out socially. I guess I am missing friends...genuine friends. I think you are wise in saying it is probably rare. I have one friend from childhood who is a true blue friend forever...but we don't live near one another.

Being single also makes it tough. If I was in a relationship I would probably not even be writing this thread.

But it is better to be alone than surrounded by toxic people so I guess I am making progress as my life is thankfully purged of toxic people.

Yeah I get that, you are missing that 'connection', I know that feeling - you never know, acquaintenceships can sometimes lead to friendships so maybe by reaching out you may find some deepen. You've been hurt, it's hardly surprising you are nervous of it happening again, but you are older/wiser and will recognise the signs of 'toxic'.

You are right, some running groups can be more friendly than others, I have found the 'affiliated athletic club' types to be more competitive less friendly. Look for mixed ability, and dare I say it plenty of other women (in my experience the guys are usually more competitive!). Wishing you luck

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

Yeah I get that, you are missing that 'connection', I know that feeling - you never know, acquaintenceships can sometimes lead to friendships so maybe by reaching out you may find some deepen. You've been hurt, it's hardly surprising you are nervous of it happening again, but you are older/wiser and will recognise the signs of 'toxic'.

You are right, some running groups can be more friendly than others, I have found the 'affiliated athletic club' types to be more competitive less friendly. Look for mixed ability, and dare I say it plenty of other women (in my experience the guys are usually more competitive!). Wishing you luck

Oh, those were really good tips about the running groups. I could really see how guys would be competitive...as we have a lot of bikers (bike riders) in this area and you can tell that they are super competitive out there on the highway.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Hi, I agree that cutting toxic relationships out of our lives in turn creates a void.

If I might suggest, fill this void with casual acquaintanceships. I myself find it difficult to get particularly close to others having cleared my own life of those who needed to be gotten rid of. Instead however I have managed to form looser relationships. I know a great deal of people with which to spend time with as needed. Having trust issues however I just don't allow myself to get close enough for it to be broken.

Some good ideas. Thanks.

[DechanDawa]

I guess I'm in that weird place of being depressed and wanting to be left alone...and also feeling lonely.

[juliaatwo]

You closed. There are always people around you, be yourself, they can't ignore you until you do

[Fuzzybear]

I’ve cleared my life of most of the toxic people too. I wish I could clear some of them from my head