Why do I cry now?

Hi, I was wondering if anyone had noticed themselves crying more as they get older, or from some other reason?
I have had major depression for most of my life but I used to be able to hide it better. I would cry only a few times a year, always alone, and so a lot of my pain wasn't visible.
I'm 26 now and have noticed within the past year or two that I can no longer hide emotions like I used to and I cry MUCH more easily. I absolutely hate it because I get very embarrassed and I don't feel better afterwards - I just beat myself up for looking 'pathetic' in front of others. I cried at work last weekend and so I am desperate for answers as to why this is happening, or ways to make it stop.

I don't think it's a medication issue because I cry while on meds (low doses of Adderall and Lamictal) and off, and the crying started before this particular cocktail. When I was younger I would never really cry no matter if I was on antidepressants / mood stabilizers or totally unmedicated.

I searched for 'tips on how to stop crying' and many of the websites said to inflict pain on yourself as a distraction... As someone who struggles with self harm that was not helpful, but I don't know what else to do.

I tried once from emotions at age 19. Then 3 times at age 33. Nothing before or in between. I wish I'd cry more. I liked it a lot. It made me feel alive.

There is this thing about people getting more sentimental as they get older. But I guess that doesn't apply to you.

So no, I cannot relate to you. But that is because I am me. You never mentioned why you are crying,

Hi. I'm only speculating but I wonder if your past hurts[?] are now coming to the surface in the form of tears. I went through a number of years being very emotionally vulnerable in that way also, and I could only guess that it was being caused by things that were happening in the present, but also things that had troubled me from my past as well. I think if emotions don't have an outlet then maybe they find other ways to come out.

Keep crying, you are healing.

Sometimes people start crying only after a long time. Perhaps your body is just fed up after years of depression.

There's your answer... You've been suppressing the emotional energy in the past - and now it's like it can't be pushed down and away any longer, so it's starting to leak out. This is actually something that you need to experience... It has to come out and be consciously processed... Highly recommend you check out Michael Singer's book (The Untethered Soul)...

My early impression from reading your first post is that you currently hold some type of negative association with crying - thereby creating an aversion to it (making it an enemy). I feel like you are going to have to work hard to change/shift/alter/transform your relationship with the act/experience of crying. The longer you continue to see it as something negative (something to avoid) - the more you are going to delay the release of the sensitive emotional material (energy) that you are still holding within you. There is 'stuff' inside you that needs to come out, and be released - so you can become free from it... I would highly encourage you to reexamine your relationship with crying and shed light on why you have developed aversions to it (perhaps examine your childhoood relationship dynamics).

By the way - if I encountered someone crying in public, I wouldn't be embarrassed for them, instead I would feel concern/sympathy/empathy....

Yeah if you cry a bit you feel better afterwards due to the release, but I think if you cry a LOT, there is not gonna be any relief because the problem causing you to do all that crying is too big for it to just disappear like smaller problems do disappear. (Assuming there's such a big problem there. It could be some other reason, see below for more.)

If it's really due to a big problem then I think the only way to stop it is if you are able to change your circumstances, whatever the big problem is, for the part that can be changed, and for the part that can't be changed, well, try to find a way to live with it...? I'm not sure on that part myself, but that's the only logical option I guess. But the real point is that a lot of things can be changed if you work for achieving that.

Ok yeah it's probably not a medication issue, just maybe your hormonal balance changed as you age, and/or your circumstances got worse.

It's possible it's just your hormonal balance yeah, and not actually very bad circumstances.

Wow I can't believe there are actually websites out there suggesting that as a "solution"!!!

OK, so I'll share with you what I did when I had a crying period. I would cry for hours every day and no it didn't bring me relief, like normal crying would. So eventually I figured out that it just was leading nowhere and I just had enough of it. That stopped it. Also, I did have big problems that the crying was caused by, I guess, and I did try to address those too. I did end up taking action for that. Removing some bad influence in my life, etc.

I hope at least some of this helps... I wish you luck to find a solution.

I tried to spend time on analyzing like the analysis in your post but, maybe this is just me, it just never led anywhere. I guess I'm not sure if it's true that one has to let out ALL the previous negative stuff to get relief and be able to move on in life, I have yet to see concrete proof of this in my own life (because it just keeps coming out and not getting better!), but assuming it's actually true, I would think analyzing too much would just get in the way of releasing the emotions. At least that's the case for me.

Really though, I'm pretty much just confused right now as to whether I should ever have tried to analyze my feelings. Inside and outside therapy. It didn't make me see anything more clearly. The only thing that has ever worked was getting fed up with the negative feelings, noticing how they were no longer leading anywhere, and find the strength that way to get rid of them and try to live life instead further. The problem is that this then created extra anger for me. I guess I will have to learn to let go of that too. Some day I hope I'll get there.

I mean, I just will never be able to be good with people (which is the main source of my problems) and people will never be fully accommodating of that or of my issues resulting from bad experiences from not being good with people, so obviously all I can do is let go of all that and just go back to not wanting too much from people and stay realistic and find what I used to enjoy and enjoy those things again, even on my own without other people. I dunno yet, it's kind of hard to regain equilibrium here.

My point really is, I don't get how all this analysing helps??? It seems to just conserve negative feelings???

What I want is, not conserve any of it, let go as soon as possible, and move on. Restore dysregulated emotionality back to normal, essentially. And I'm posting all this here because I feel like OP has some dysregulated emotionality too and I know first hand how difficult that can get... and I think OP just wants to let go of all of it too.

@tevelygo:

Hi,

I absolutely relate to what you're saying, tevelygo. I'm basically in the exact same boat as you. Sure, I've learned a few things over the years, things important to me, but on the whole my life itself has improved very little. And in some ways I've gone backwards.

But for me, I guess if I have a problem, be it a mental or emotional type of problem, then I'm going to need to analyse it if I'm to have any hope of overcoming it. But where has it all gotten me? = isolated from the community!! lol But half of that is through necessity as I'm like you, I struggle with people, unless I can build a proper trust with them.

I don't know either tevelygo. Just keep pluggin' away, looking toward the good and trying to evolve. That's probably my whole approach now. But it's a challenge, yes.

I got too far from OP's original topic, so I've moved my reply to you to my thread, if you want to check, it's here.