[introspectiveme]

I really need this. I don't want unpredictable people and fair-weather friends anymore.

I was a loner for many, many years but I was content, people thought I was weird but I never cared.

I want to be like that again. I used to focus on my interests, I never felt lonely and I preferred being alone with my own thoughts. I had goals too. Yes, I was depressed even then but at least I didn't have false ideas such as thinking that socializing and sharing problems with other people (friends) could help me out. It just doesn't work out in real life. All I keep hearing is 'share your problems, speak to someone', but it's not true. nobody really cares. I sincerely care about the people around me. but what I get in return is that people act like it's some kind of flaw that I have.

I want to be able to 'share' more on online resources such as this, and keep my mind occupied with hobbies and interests. I know there are a lot of introverts here, hope some can give me some advice.

[Wild Coyote]

Simply be true to yourself!


WC

[Medusax]

I am a loner. It gets easier when you get older. Just today, I told a co-worker why I wouldn't go to her daughters pool party. I told her I was really looking forward to spending this weekend alone in the house as I needed it for my sanity. If you want/need to be alone, be alone. You are in charge of what you do. Don't feel bad about it.

[bpforever1]

I am a loner too and am happy. It is hard enough to take care of myself let alone others. So, I feel happy with myself and try to enjoy my life with what I have. You are right that at times others don't want to listen to other people's problems. But, it does help to vent to someone who cares. I hope you can enjoy your solitude also as I am.

[continuosly blue]

My advice is the same as what has already been said. It’s good that you have hobbies and interests. I was forced to be alone , and although I went through much pain , psychologically and physically, I wound up starting to feel better about myself. I was starting to more forward. Then I got so lonely that I hooked back up with the person who abandoned me to begin with. I thought being with
this person, among other family members, would make me happy. Well unfortunately I feel like I made a big mistake and should have stayed alone.
I have to deal with the same ***** all over again. My expectations, as usual , are never met. I’m just tired. If your happy with yourself, then stay with yourself.
You can benefit from friendships, acquaintances, family, but then you also have to deal with all the negative bullsh*t that comes with along with it.

[Thunder Bow]

Originally Posted by continuosly blue

My advice is the same as what has already been said. It’s good that you have hobbies and interests. I was forced to be alone , and although I went through much pain , psychologically and physically, I wound up starting to feel better about myself. I was starting to more forward. Then I got so lonely that I hooked back up with the person who abandoned me to begin with. I thought being with
this person, among other family members, would make me happy. Well unfortunately I feel like I made a big mistake and should have stayed alone.
I have to deal with the same ***** all over again. My expectations, as usual , are never met. I’m just tired. If your happy with yourself, then stay with yourself.
You can benefit from friendships, acquaintances, family, but then you also have to deal with all the negative bullsh*t that comes with along with it.

This is true.

Originally Posted by introspectiveme

I really need this. I don't want unpredictable people and fair-weather friends anymore. All I keep hearing is 'share your problems, speak to someone', but it's not true. nobody really cares. I sincerely care about the people around me. but what I get in return is that people act like it's some kind of flaw that I have.

I absolutely agree with your post. I was hanging out on a message board for years... we had a bit of a fight at one point and I went back. I thought, maybe I am being crazy.. maybe I am in the wrong... but last year I realized.. no one here really cares about me. I am just their support mechanism. But my views are not respected. I am not allowed to talk bout what I think, but seem to be required to support them. I thought maybe that is all I can hope for.. but then I realized.. why was I taking ONE moment of my life doing that.

I left the board. I do go back and visit from time to time but never comment. Mostly people have left the board. Without people to support them there is little point. But there are still the people who cannot live without people supporting them that post long diatribes. I am glad I don't have to respond anymore.

Here is what I have done.
(1) I post on boards, like here, when the spirt moves me. But I try to make sure I am not getting into another cycle of support for someone else.
(2) I have taken up a few hobbies, such as working on my house or painting.
(3) I try to take the time I used with them to support me... cooking, financial planning etc.
(4) I try to watch tv shows / movies that make me happy.

But I try to stay away from anyone that looks to be a user.

I do wish there was like a manual on how to be happy and alone. I have seen some books but they have been mostly lame.

[tevelygo]

Originally Posted by introspectiveme

I really need this. I don't want unpredictable people and fair-weather friends anymore.

I was a loner for many, many years but I was content, people thought I was weird but I never cared.

I want to be like that again. I used to focus on my interests, I never felt lonely and I preferred being alone with my own thoughts. I had goals too. Yes, I was depressed even then but at least I didn't have false ideas such as thinking that socializing and sharing problems with other people (friends) could help me out. It just doesn't work out in real life. All I keep hearing is 'share your problems, speak to someone', but it's not true. nobody really cares. I sincerely care about the people around me. but what I get in return is that people act like it's some kind of flaw that I have.

I want to be able to 'share' more on online resources such as this, and keep my mind occupied with hobbies and interests. I know there are a lot of introverts here, hope some can give me some advice.

I GET YOU. Same situation. Exact same. Why.

Here's my thread if you want to read it, you don't have to ofc. There aren't real solutions in it for me... but there's advice in the thread from many people, maybe some of it applies to you better than to me, I don't know.

Where did your so-called false ideas come from? Did you just get more emotional? For me it came from feeling like I did want to live a full life, not alone, I always did have that desire, I just did not feel it and so I deferred it very easily. Until one day I just couldn't anymore... And I got overemotional over time starting from that day.

[tevelygo]

...I think the full life comes from having your natural self return and thus satisfy your needs in a healthy way.

[introspectiveme]

Thank you guys

I was away and couldn’t get back earlier

I appreciate all the responses

[cool09]

I'm a loner and don't like it. It's impossible being a loner. Work becomes impossible with comments from co-workers/bosses. And anxiety builds up in the smallest of social situations. I'd rather be close to my family and others. I had a resident psychiatrist call me a loner once and it hurt.

[dlantern]

I got my home my belongings my bed ectera I'm happy alone. It isn't really and old convo introvertness is what it is the world is never going to be full of out going people. I'd just make sure I got enough for what it takes to live in society for the basic needs or folks to do that for you.

[introspectiveme]

Hello, I kinda messed up yesterday with my friend, I guess this is another reason to be a loner

[Nicolelee1968]

I am alone and I try not to panic everyday. I keep the tv going 24 hours a day to help with the silence. I'm terrified, lonely and just want to end of this pitiful life of mine.

[MoxieDoxie]

I got so complacent about my aloneness that if someone asks me to go out somewhere I cringe. At age 50 and years of crying over me having no friends and saying to myself "If you have no friends then that means you are not a friend", and thinking I was the problem. No I am not the problem. I just have not met anyone that I want to hang out with. Therapist have been telling me I need to find people to connect with. I am would stress over not finding anyone. I am not stressing anymore.

I have my little business, I am in school for massage therapy and plan on working towards being the most sought after massage therapist in the area, I have my little dog, I hired someone to do remote coaching. They program my workouts and food so I stay healthy.

Funny thing is I have a husband who is emotionally distant but sometimes at least there is another breathing body in the room but honestly I would not care if he was not here. He is just a convenience and pays the bills so that stress is not on me.

[introspectiveme]

Happy to hear all your stories. Hope we can all keep going strong somehow

I was an introvert the first 30 years of my life. Now I'm am extrovert, but I can relate from my past. I think if people don't treat you the way you like, you simply haven't found your people yet. I look at it this way: there are literally billions of amazing people I haven't met yet. It's true. Being on your own is better than being with people who dull your shine, but that doesn't mean it will be that way forever.

[introspectiveme]

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

I was an introvert the first 30 years of my life. Now I'm am extrovert, but I can relate from my past. I think if people don't treat you the way you like, you simply haven't found your people yet. I look at it this way: there are literally billions of amazing people I haven't met yet. It's true. Being on your own is better than being with people who dull your shine, but that doesn't mean it will be that way forever.

You are absolutely true

I’m just so impatient, and I tend to overreact so much.

I over apologise when I feel like I’ve made a mistake, I care too much, I overestimate other peoples’ level of trust towards me.

I keep chasing after the wrong kind of people and I don’t give up easily.

[continuosly blue]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

Funny thing is I have a husband who is emotionally distant but sometimes at least there is another breathing body in the room but honestly I would not care if he was not here. He is just a convenience and pays the bills so that stress is not on me.

This is interesting. The rest of your post sounded very positive. But this part I think is selfish , and your just living a lie. Why do I say that ? Because it hits home for me. When I got so lonely I worked my way back into my ex’s life.
Yes , I just wanted a warm body next to me. Then I find how emotionally distant she is from me. Then I just get the feeling that I’m only here to help pay the bills. That kinda sucks as I feel the relationship is not honest. I don’t like being used. I’m building up a resentment. And that I believe will wind me back alone.
Your husband may be emotionally distant, but do you know why ?
The way you talk about him is disgusting to me. Why , because I’m that person !
Get honest, get connected with him and want him more than just being “ another breathing body in the room”. You sound like a user and get no sympathy from here. You will probably wind up alone again.

[introspectiveme]

Thank you for all your responses

I want to go back to where I was. Being a loner, I’ve been let down and hurt by people I trust. I have no one to blame but myself, I shouldn’t have let people get close to me.

This has been possibly the hardest week I’ve ever had, just the loneliest, hardest time. It’s taking a toll on me