[seesaw]

So I went out to my car to go to the park this morning and my front left tire was flat.

The first thing I thought was that someone slashed my tire or did something to it.

Whenever anything like this happens, that I cannot explain or did not witness, I immediately believe that someone is trying to do something to me, maliciously.

Now, granted, I have experienced a lot of abuse in the past, I have been stalked, and I have an ex-friend who admittedly would do this to people for revenge. So maybe it's reasonable paranoia? But I feel like, maybe because of what I just typed, that I have paranoia with everything that happens. I try to redirect it and not let it run out of control...but yeah...not sure what this paranoia is related to in my Dx or if I'm just paranoid and that's just a characteristic of mine.

Am I being paranoid needlessly? How do I stop being paranoid when so much bad stuff has happened to me?

Seesaw

I wish I knew the answer, seesaws, all I can add into this thread to help you is some hugs

[SorryShaped]

Bad stuff happens, not to just you. Be grateful for all the good things in life. Concentrate on the good. Be good

Based on one interaction with you (which I completely understand and sympathise with), I do think you can sometimes worry a little too much about people's motives. Not everyone is a bad guy. Perhaps if you consider the stats behind things? Like (I'm making the numbers up here), 29% of punctures are due to worn tyres, 37% because of a nail..... that kind of quantification might help you feel less worried.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Little Cat

Based on one interaction with you (which I completely understand and sympathise with), I do think you can sometimes worry a little too much about people's motives. Not everyone is a bad guy. Perhaps if you consider the stats behind things? Like (I'm making the numbers up here), 29% of punctures are due to worn tyres, 37% because of a nail..... that kind of quantification might help you feel less worried.

It's hard when every time I allow myself to trust someone, they end up backstabbing me.

Thank you from your compassion.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Little Cat

Based on one interaction with you (which I completely understand and sympathise with), I do think you can sometimes worry a little too much about people's motives. Not everyone is a bad guy. Perhaps if you consider the stats behind things? Like (I'm making the numbers up here), 29% of punctures are due to worn tyres, 37% because of a nail..... that kind of quantification might help you feel less worried.

I will say that I am aware that I try to mind read, and therefore get defensive, and I have put forth serious effort to stop this. But it's different than this paranoia, although yes, interconnected.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by seesaw

It's hard when every time I allow myself to trust someone, they end up backstabbing me.

Thank you from your compassion.

Every time?
I think there might be an error in thinking?

(((((( seesaw ))))))

I hope you are having a good day otherwise!

WC

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

Every time?
I think there might be an error in thinking?

(((((( seesaw ))))))

I hope you are having a good day otherwise!

WC

WC, it really does feel that way. I can think of very few people, if any, besides my mother, I have let get close that have not turned on me or dumped me when my usefulness to them ended.

I recognize too that this is a problem in my own judgments of people who should or should not be trusted. I attempt to be a kind, compassionate, and considerate person...and I foolishly expect that other people are the same way.

You are a very driven, high achieving, energetic and strong woman. A type A++. I'm a type Z. I once worked for a US company at a senior level in London. OMG. I could not keep up with those women. Such an insane work ethic. All while looking immaculate. They thought we were all quiet, weird, awkward, slow and a little backward. Every time I tried taking them somewhere historic or interesting, it was all so quaint to them. I had a brief obsession with one of them, who was like (to me) an Amazonian goddess. She called us all in for an emergency all staff meeting on a Friday afternoon (can you guess?!) and in came the VP and her team with headsets to announce that they were shutting down all UK operations and as of 5pm, we were all out of a job. And then security came in to take our stuff and escort us out.

I don't know what the point of that story is (!) other than to say you have very high expectations of eachother in America. But some of us are just lazy slobs that like wrapping ourselves in a soft blankie on the sofa with the cat and some Haagen Daas and binging on the Blue Planet.

[Wild Coyote]

When we are kind, compassionate, understanding, some people will try to take advantage of us. They mistake the compassion for being a push-over, sometimes.

I am very sorry this has been your experience, thus far.
You seem so very sincere; this must be very hurtful.

Maybe you aren't paranoid. Maybe you are just on "high alert?"
I tend to be on "high alert" from past traumas.

Under certain circumstances, I'd also wonder about the cause of my flat tire, especially if I had someone telling me they flatten tires for revenge.

I have found you to be a great person, Seesaw. I think maybe you are too hard on yourself?

I hope you'll have some healing relationships soon!


WC

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Little Cat

You are a very driven, high achieving, energetic and strong woman. A type A++. I'm a type Z. I once worked for a US company at a senior level in London. OMG. I could not keep up with those women. Such an insane work ethic. All while looking immaculate. They thought we were all quiet, weird, awkward, slow and a little backward. Every time I tried taking them somewhere historic or interesting, it was all so quaint to them. I had a brief obsession with one of them, who was like (to me) an Amazonian goddess. She called us all in for an emergency all staff meeting on a Friday afternoon (can you guess?!) and in came the VP and her team with headsets to announce that they were shutting down all UK operations and as of 5pm, we were all out of a job. And then security came in to take our stuff and escort us out.

I don't know what the point of that story is (!) other than to say you have very high expectations of eachother in America. But some of us are just lazy slobs that like wrapping ourselves in a soft blankie on the sofa with the cat and some Haagen Daas and binging on the Blue Planet.

I am not sure of the rest of your story, but I will happily curl up with you to watch Blue Planet. After I get all my work done..

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

When we are kind, compassionate, understanding, some people will try to take advantage of us. They mistake the compassion for being a push-over, sometimes.

I am very sorry this has been your experience, thus far.
You seem so very sincere; this must be very hurtful.

Maybe you aren't paranoid. Maybe you are just on "high alert?"
I tend to be on "high alert" from past traumas.

Under certain circumstances, I'd also wonder about the cause of my flat tire, especially if I had someone telling me they flatten tires for revenge.

I have found you to be a great person, Seesaw. I think maybe you are too hard on yourself?

I hope you'll have some healing relationships soon!


WC

Yes, I definitely exhibit hyper vigilance with things. But I think I have to also acknowledge my paranoia, as Little Cat was kind enough to gently confirm she has noticed it too.

I think it's hard not to suspect things right now with some of the issues I'm dealing with (won't got into detail), but I need to continue to work on it.

It's just very difficult not to suspect when you are so used to beginning to trust someone and then they turn around and use what they know about you to harm you.

At my last employer, before I started my business, I had a co-worker, I did not share information about my PTSD or hospitalizations or anything with anyone, I kept it entirely to myself. I had been there about a year, and building just colleague friendships, when one coworker began to share with me in private the struggles she was going through emotionally. This went on for a while. I did not share specifics with her, but I encouraged her to think of changing directions with her career because she was so unhappy, she would cry at work. I told her, from experience, that doing work that makes you so miserable is not good for your mental health.

Anyways, at one point I did open up and mentioned something specific (though not all the details) about having PTSD and depression. After all the support I gave to her, and all the help I gave her in completing her work, she started openly throwing me under the bus in meetings and behind my back. Not to mention it was pretty well known she was having an affair with the CEO.

That's not the only time something like that has happened.

I do have this type of thinking, and it varies in intensity. In my case, I can’t tell if it is part of bipolar or if I might have borderline personality disorder.

I have read it is hard to tell the difference. My pdoc doesn’t think I have borderline, because I don’t self harm, but I relate so well to it.

Anyway, it’s paranoid ideation, not delusional paranoia.

It ebbs and flows with intensity.

I can give so many examples of my suspicions about people doing something panning out. People do look like such users to me. Sometimes they look incredibly wonderful at first, and something happens and the next thing you know, I think they’re scum. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have the energy to keep up the fight with the world. Sometimes I feel victorious.

Black and white thinking, perfectionist thinking...I have heard from a previous T that I have this. It could be part of it as well.

I’ve never talked about this (paranoid ideation) with a T. I’ll have to do that.

Sorry, I just went off talking about myself...I don’t know if any of this is helpful.

[FooZe]

This thread has been closed at the OP's request.