Over the last few weeks my over 40 self has become obsessed with a less than 21 year old male celebrity. I feel horrible about it particularly upon learning his mother is my age exactly.

I know intellectually I am not besotted with him as a human. It is just...

1. Most of the things I have seen him in he either has a great family or is completely normal and loves them. I also suspect this is the situation in real life. I know I really long for this. I have a family but they are all so broken and bizarre and damaged and never seem in anyway able to admit love for me. If they do love me... because truly I don't think I love them. They are a bizarre burden. Why can't they just be normal? I wish I just had a normal family and I wonder how it is that they are all abnormal. I so want to just have a close, normal, functional family.

2. Everything I see him in he is smiling and happy. That absolutely doesn't mesh with my life right now. I get the feeling he is a very positive person -- of course being a celeb at 21 with a normal family probably will make you grin from ear to ear -- but there is just so much in my life right now that is constantly misery. Everyone around me is just so negative and jaded, I literally feel like I have to come home and look at his photos to make me feel better.

3. I am inspired by him a lot of his positivity translates into ideas about being smart and being athletic. And though he is 21 so he can afford that... where I am in my life right now, EVERYONE is old, jaded, getting dumber and dumber and mostly all suffering from some sort of physical issue. Honestly it feels like once you hit 30 complaining about your body is like asking about the weather and I am so tried of it. I also am intellectually curious but everyone around me is busy with kids or care for family members and just could care less (or are too tried to) learn anything new. There is this attitude like once you hit your 40s you shouldn't try anything new but I want to it just isn't really supported.

I kind of feel like maybe this is normal. A lot of the older people where I work hire mostly young kids that are positive and bright and I kind of suspect this is why.

I kind of felt like this was wanting to back to my 20s but isn't that... my 20s weren't all that much better. It is that I want my 40's to be as positive and fun as this person's 20s appear to be.

Just wanted to rant a bit --

[KD1980]

I went through this. If you look in the Relationships section of this site, you will see my post, "Parasocial Relationship as a Coping Mechanism" . I got lots of good replies. I hope it is helpful to you.

One other thing... this particular actor has talked a few times about having a good attitude about fame. That this whole thing is a great thing to be treasured and he is just trying to do that. And not make anything bad about it. Of course I do realize when you are a 20 year old who has money and handlers etc... life is great. And I can't really tell if the things he says in interviews are to "increase" his reputation.

But this is so attractive to me. Precisely because it is hard for me.

The truth is that I got so much of what I wanted as a kid. Every single day I do things that *I* find super cool. I even get to be the executive in the big city that I looked forward to as a kid. Yet, I have a really hard time enjoying them; because essentially living that life is hard.

That being said it is a good reminder to try to enjoy the situation and to try to look at it in a different view.

[MickeyCheeky]

((((Emily Fox Seaton)))) I'm so sorry you're struggling. I think what you're experiencing is actually quite normal, especially considering your situation at the moment is not too happy. I think it's not bad if it's in small doses - it could even be healthy to some extent to look up to someone else. Just remember that you don't need to be famous to be happy. I hope your situation will improve soon, you always work so hard and you deserve to be happy

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

((((Emily Fox Seaton)))) I'm so sorry you're struggling. I think what you're experiencing is actually quite normal, especially considering your situation at the moment is not too happy. :

Micky I see you being super supportive! It is very appreciated.