[Marylin]

I am so anxious,angry and frustrated,I feel bad about myself.I feel trapped,life with mental illness is so hard.I have schizoaffective disorder which makes me severely depressed most days and I struggle with my moods frequently.Then I also have CPTSD which means I get triggered with emotional memories of abuse which hold me back and prevents me mixing and socialising and engaging with people.I struggle a lot in groups and sometimes I want to do course say like in art and I can attend one or two sessions but then have to withdraw from the course.CPTSD also causes me periods of dissocciation and I can forget where I am and what I am supposed to be doing.This all affects me and makes me low,I lose confidence and it affects my self esteem.I so want to deal with this and recover from mental illness,it stops me even attempting to achieve what I want to in life.I get angry at myself and I blame myself for being ill.I get a mixture of emotions that just paralyse me.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, Marylin Please don't be so hard on yourself. It's not your fault if you're struggling. Of course you would feel better if you could. But you know how it works, much better than me. You can't just snap out of it. It's not your fault. You're just struggling, that's all. Just take it one step at the time. Take baby steps. Take some time for yourself. It seems like you really need it. You deserve it. I'm sure you're a wonderful person. Just remember that things will be ok. I know things seem pretty bad right now, but trust me when I say that they can get better. If it can help a bit... we're here for you. Feel free to vent here as much as you want. We'll listen to what you have to say. We care about you. We all love you here. You know we won't judge you. I'm so sorry, I know it's hard. Please don't give up. I hope things will get better soon for you. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this

[Marylin]

I am struggling with feelings of frustration and anger again.This week I had CCTV fitted so my narc sister can't let herself into my home without my knowledge or permission.This triggered me and underlying anger from the years of abuse at narc sister's hands has been unleashed.I am so angry especially about her coming into my home without me knowing and stealing my childhood photos of me ages 7,9, 10,12 and 14.I have no way of getting those photos back or reprinting them,it is spiteful and hateful and nasty of her to steal them,it was her only way that she had left to hurt me and she didn't hold back.I want to rip her face off,I hate her so much.I am still texting her over my mum's welfare and she even lends me money if I'm stuck but that doesn't make up for the years of abuse she put me through and largely I don't notice her or pay any significance to the fact we have to talk ,like when she needed to ask me about getting POA over my mum's welfare and finances.I don't know how to let go of this anger I feel over the past and there is no one I can trust to talk to about it I feel lost and afraid,it is anger and fear.I am going to phone my old therapist and ask for some sessions.

[Marylin]

So i went to bed 10.30pm last night and I had some really uncomfortable feelings of anger and frustration,I was fuming and had been triggered.It is as if someone had hit the reset button while I was asleep,and the anger has cleared,I feel light and free again,I don't know what happened to disperse the anger.I did have some heavy dreams last night but I don't remember the details.Anyway I am so glad the anger has gone ,it was heavy and was dragging me down!

[Fuzzybear]

Please be gentle with self if possible ...