[thekingof8]

The other day I saw a couple of memes in a Facebook group that really hit home. The first one was a quote by Dr. Joe Dispenza that stated:

"Most people spend 70% of their life living in survival and living in stress, so they're always anticipating the worst case scenario based on a past experience"

This is totally me. I've had so many bad experiences in my life, I just don't know how to think positive anymore. The last couple of weeks, I have been absolutely miserable. I should be happy, but I'm not. I'm doing well in school. My job seems to be going okay. My finances aren't a wreck. I'm told I have lots of good qualities. But I wake up every morning thinking that I just want to get the day over with. When I go to work, I just want to go home.

One problem is that I keep living in the past and wanting to re-live or fix things. Or to see people just one more time. I miss all of my old friends who have moved on. Everyone seems to have families of their own, and I'm still alone. When I'm "wired" or "wound up", I keep thinking of things that angered me years ago that nobody would probably remember, and it makes me more angry or frustrated. I keep kicking myself for being in the food industry for so long and not making a change sooner. I want to move forward, but I can't. How do I do it? I'm too scared to take that risk. I look at how positive people I know are, and I just wonder why I can't be like that?

I can't remember the last time I was truly happy, or if I ever was. It seems I've forgotten how to be happy. My self esteem and self confidence are virtually non-existent. This brings me to the second meme. It talks about signs that you grew up lonely.

1. Chasing people who don't want you.
2. Making up lots of stories and worlds.
3. Over talking when there's someone to talk to.
4. Daydreaming.
5. Clinging emotionally to others.
6. Being the disposable friend in the group.
7. Talking to oneself.
8. Obsessive friendships.
9. Excessive helpfulness.

I listed the ones I felt described me. I've kind of stopped chasing people. I used to send friend requests on Facebook, but I don't anymore. If they want to connect with me, they can find me. I do wish I had closer friendships with some people. I think about a couple of people in particular I wish I could hang out with. As I mentioned above, they're so positive and have a great outlook on life. I want some of that to rub off on to me. I guess that is obsessive behaviour, though I can rarely summon up the courage to message them.

Almost every evening, Sundays especially, I just sit at home and cry. I just feel so alone, but I don't even want to leave my room and hang out and talk to my roommates. I'm so sick of feeling miserable. I thought that with these changes and successes, I'd be happy. But I'm not. I'm just sick of not seeing any results.

[Marylin]

I grew up lonely.Also I used to chase after a guy who didn't want me.All my relationships even just being friends were one sided.I am lonely now been lonely all my life.Family used and abused me.But I have been free from my abusers five years.
I still have health issues since age 24 I have have had mental illness and chronic physical illness.I need to lose weight and get fit I am failing at that!

However I might have the opportunity to qualify as a counsellor it would take five years courses and study but it's something I think I can do and I want to do it!Having the means to earn my own living is motivating me.So I have never had much success in life but I have an opportunity now to do something with my life and that makes me feel optimistic!

Well. What are some options for you? Maybe you’re bored with school and your job. Maybe new hobbies or volunteer work would help? Counseling? What do you think could help set you on a different track?

[thekingof8]

I have been seeing a therapist. I've been at my job since November 2018 and it's okay. I spent 18 years cooking and couldn't take it anymore. Had to take a year off and after months of trying, I found the car detailer job I'm presently at. I wish I could find a job that wasn't so physically demanding and closer to where I live. I just want a regular 9-5 office job (part of the reason why I'm back in school taking Accounting). It's so hard changing industries when you're pushing 40. I honestly believe (and some people confirmed this) that people in other industries don't hire cooks because they think we're either angry rage-aholics or high school drop-outs that only cook French fries and smoke weed.

As for volunteering, I just don't have time between studying and work. I helped out a moving organization, but I was turned off a bit by the dis-organization (drove an hour to volunteer for a golf tournament only to find out that they forgot to e-mail me to say that all positions were full). I also just have no energy.

My eventual goal is to start a catering business, leading to opening a bake shop. I'd try to start it now, but I'm scared s***less. I've taken risks before, but fell flat on my face each time. I'm just scared of failing and there's too much at stake.

I used to do weights when I got up and before I went to bed, but I stopped when I started working and going back to school. I've been eating healthier, but I still snack a lot, especially at work.

I need to completely change my way of thinking. When I walk into a situation, my automatic reaction is that I'm going to lose. It's happened so often that it's beaten me down completely and I have no confidence left. I have no idea how to change my thinking. I've tried, but I'm always skeptical and I don't trust anybody. I need to see proof before I try to believe in something. I just hate myself.

[Regina Quirion]

I understand. Try some meditation and yoga that sure helps. I will give you that optimism you need and will help you relax. It is important to love yourself and not keep putting yourself down because of whatever happened in the past. You can actually get yourself a pet. That can actually help you. Their love and compassion could really help you with your situation.