Is it true that people can't control emotions?

TheUrOther · Jun 16, 2019, 01:25 AM

I've recently watched a fictional show that suggested that people actually cannot control their emotions. For me, this would explain a lot of why people are constantly assaulting me, but I also realize that this is a fictional show and therefore the information in it is not reliable.

But it's too important a question to let pass. Are people truly incapable of controlling their emotions? And if so, why do people trust those other people who can't control themselves?

Miss P · Jun 16, 2019, 02:17 PM

I'm thankful that you posted this, am not able to provide a concrete answer, but, imo, no, I don't believe that it's possible for anyone to be able to fully control their emotions all the time....just my opinion. Im looking forward to answers from people who will know

divine1966 · Jun 16, 2019, 03:59 PM

It might be true that people can’t control emotions. Like currently I am pretty upset and irritated over my fathers behavior. I’ll snap out of it but I at the moment I can’t and will be upset for a little longer BUT people can control their actions. People assaulting you has nothing to do with not controlling emotions.

happysobercrafter · Jun 16, 2019, 04:29 PM

I think it depends on the situation. Day to day hassles or crisis situations?

sarahsweets · Jun 17, 2019, 03:17 AM

Divine makes an excellent point. "feelings are not facts". They are subjective. Sometimes we cant control our emotions but we are always in charge of how we act and react.

TishaBuv · Jun 17, 2019, 08:14 AM

I’ve seen people stop themselves from crying. They really didn’t control their emotions, they just stopped the show of those emotions on them. Did they think of happy thoughts to get themselves to not cry? If so, didn’t that control their emotions? Did they really go from sad to happier by not allowing themselves to think those sad thoughts and forcing happy thoughts? Isn’t that the basis of CBT?

Sometimes I’ve felt one way and I tried to force myself to feel another way. Have you ever read the DBT workbook? This is the focus of that. When you feel strongly (bad) about something, then you force yourself to go over a whole other course of logic to minimize those bad feelings, you can change your (bad) emotions about something.

TheUrOther · Jun 30, 2019, 08:08 PM

TishaBuv: That sounds like self-brainwashing; an inherently unhealthy way of handling things. If one has to damage their own brain in order to control oneself, that speaks of much deeper flaws.

As for the theory that one's emotions and one's actions are separable - no human being I've interacted with has ever chosen to bring their actions under control. The only control they display is directing their violence towards me. Outside of that, they have confessed that they enjoy being "out of control". How do I deal with those people, especially considering I will be inevitably blamed for their behavior?

TishaBuv · Jun 30, 2019, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheUrOther

TishaBuv: That sounds like self-brainwashing; an inherently unhealthy way of handling things. If one has to damage their own brain in order to control oneself, that speaks of much deeper flaws.

As for the theory that one's emotions and one's actions are separable - no human being I've interacted with has ever chosen to bring their actions under control. The only control they display is directing their violence towards me. Outside of that, they have confessed that they enjoy being "out of control". How do I deal with those people, especially considering I will be inevitably blamed for their behavior?

Maybe I shouldn’t have used the word ‘force’, more like to convince myself. DBT is a way to look at a thought that is making you very unhappy, and analyzing it to see if it is rational or not to feel that way in hopes you see things in a better way and feel better.

When I have been emotionally out of control (and I have

), I would be content to be able to force myself to appear calm, at least to get through the moment rather than causing a scene and embarrassing myself, but I couldn’t. However, miraculously, now taking a small dose of an anti anxiety med, I have had no more emotional issues like those of the past.

I know you have spoken on other threads about your issues with people being harsh and abusive to you. I’m sorry this is your experience. I wish I knew something to say to help you.

divine1966 · Jun 30, 2019, 10:34 PM

I think it’s necessary to control one’s actions regardless how one feels. Certainly when you home alone, you can go around crying if you are upset but it’s a different at work.

I might feel whatever emotions (for example I recently lost loved one so I am grieving) or I might be mad about something but I absolutely couldn’t get all mopey or rage at work. It’s not acceptable in most jobs. If one wants to keep their job and/or professional licenses then they better behave in public or they won’t be able to pay bills

I don’t believe it’s damaging for ones brain or unhealthy. Behaving decently and keep emotions in check in public is common sense. Now when you are at home or amongst family and close friends then it’s a different story (still have to act appropriately but you have more freedom to express emotions)

TheUrOther · Jul 01, 2019, 12:31 AM

Divine1966:

Who defines "necessary"? The people who have harmed me have never experienced any punishment or downside to their behavior; clearly it is not "necessary" for them to control their actions - not according to society or anyone else but me.

What I described as unhealthy was the specific avenue of control TishaBuv described - which now she has since modified, so the description may no longer hold. I never meant to suggest that I meant controlling one's behavior as a whole.

May I ask what part of my writing made you think I meant any behavioral control? I try to be very exact in my speech, as people seem to constantly look for way to intentionally "misinterpret" my speech to support their own agendas, but I can't tell where I was imprecise here.

Thirty shades · Jul 01, 2019, 02:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Divine makes an excellent point. "feelings are not facts". They are subjective. Sometimes we cant control our emotions but we are always in charge of how we act and react.

I agree for the most part here.

I do find when deeply and profoundly triggered, I struggle to control my need to emote how I am feeling. This is distressing for the person/s in my company. I really wish I had control over it.

TheUrOther · Jul 06, 2019, 12:01 AM

One can assert the idea that people are "in charge of how they act and react", but how can one legally enforce that? Unless there is a legal and socially acceptable route to punish those people who won't control themselves, claiming that people are "in charge of how they act and react" is the same as yelling into the clouds. Everyone else's strategy quickly becomes forcing me to "control" myself the way they define "control" without ever controlling themselves, all in order to gain an advantage over me.

Jul 06, 2019, 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheUrOther

For me, this would explain a lot of why people are constantly assaulting me, but I also realize that this is a fictional show and therefore the information in it is not reliable.

People cannot use lack of emotional control as an excuse for assaulting you. If they know that they have this problem, they are responsible for seeking therapy/ medication.

TheUrOther · Jul 06, 2019, 02:06 PM

Ennie: Again, one can assert that, but there's no means of enforcing it, and people either using it as an excuse or simply not caring about an excuse is clearly the default behavior of human beings. As long as they don't get punished for their behavior, they are going to behave as badly and as self-servingly as they can.

Jul 06, 2019, 11:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheUrOther

Ennie: Again, one can assert that, but there's no means of enforcing it, and people either using it as an excuse or simply not caring about an excuse is clearly the default behavior of human beings. As long as they don't get punished for their behavior, they are going to behave as badly and as self-servingly as they can.

Yeah...I'm afraid you are right, and this is a very unfortunate fact that some people may never change.

TheUrOther · Jul 07, 2019, 01:53 AM

So the question is: with a population that inevitably contains only these people, as the natural and inevitable result of unpunished self-serving people is that all non-self-serving people are out-competed and killed, how does one survive without becoming a similar abomination?

Michael2Wolves · Jul 07, 2019, 10:53 AM

The question that I find that haunts me is how do you live with yourself, knowing you have a...thing...inside of you that you cannot control? For example, rage. Rage is tied to anger, which is tied to trauma. The trauma goes untreated, the rage becomes worse and worse until it becomes an entity on its own.

As someone who can clearly see their behavior is often self-serving and obnoxious, if not down right toxic, how do I kill off/cut out/cauterize/amputate that portion of my psyche I don't want and have no use for?

Moderators in the chat love to say, just get on medication! A pill will calm you down.

My response is that a pill is nothing but a placebo effect. It treats the symptomology, not the underlying cause. I cannot treat the underlying cause because one, I have no money, two, my insurance is hot garbage, three, I have pre-existing mental illness which means I pay even more for sessions, and four, I don't trust rando psychologists and have no use for psychiatry. I can feel this thing in my head, and I can feel everything falling apart around me, and I feel very much powerless to stop it as my life crumbles.

-jimi- · Jul 07, 2019, 12:43 PM

Self control not to do certain things to others, of course exists. That doesn't mean that everyone can act calm in any situation. Some people break easier than others. But just look at culture. I live in a very disciplined kind of culture where people simply DON'T SHOW EMOTION. I mean of course they don't have totally flat affect, but people from other countries find us cold and spooky. But I am pretty sure it rubs off on other behavior as well. Self discipline is a good thing. Me, I feel awkward in cultures with a lot of affect. Absolutely not safe the slightest.

TheUrOther · Jul 07, 2019, 09:38 PM

Michael2Wolves: my suggestion to you is not to destroy it but instead concentrate on control so that it serves you, not the other way around. I literally cannot survive without my "rage" but I also would have been destroyed by my rage had I not mastered it and learned to wield it as a weapon. If possible, face this issue how a practitioner of the martial arts would. They train their bodies and minds to become weapons; it may help if you do the same.

As for how other people feel with something "inside of [them] that [they] cannot control" - I know for a fact that people enjoy being out of control because they have said so verbatim. They revel in being out of control and hurting other people is simply part of the fun.

-jimi-: The problem is that people gladly choose to reject self-control for their own amusement, even when that self-control would be trivial. They chase the happiness dragon no matter where it leads, and they don't care who they harm to catch it. Whether they "break" or not is not an issue.

Michael2Wolves · Jul 08, 2019, 04:44 PM

There is truly a part of me that enjoys the instant gratification of instant karma when I feel justified, and I don't like that part of myself, either, because it is destructive and evil. I hate that side of me. It is in every sense a wolf, and that is how I refer to It, whatever It is. I want it gone. I'm tired from the fighting in my head, and when I say tired, I mean, feel like I've aged rapidly as everything seems to fall apart around me. I'm losing my grasp on It, on the Pattern, on reality itself because if this is my reality, I reject it. I want nothing to do with it.

There is him, and there is myself, and the two are separated by a vast chasm of impossibility. I cannot help but compare it to Taoist ideas, such as the yin-yang, or the native American story of the two wolves that live inside of each of us. I've fed the black wolf so well and so long that it has taken on a life of its own.

I'm not sure there will ever be peace between myself and...It.

Is it true that people can't control emotions?

Is it true that people can't control emotions?

TheUrOther · Jul 24, 2019, 06:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Michael2Wolves

There is truly a part of me that enjoys the instant gratification of instant karma when I feel justified, and I don't like that part of myself, either, because it is destructive and evil. I hate that side of me.

Why do you feel this side of you, this yearning and appreciation for justice, is evil? Just because you are rewarded for seeing what you think is right being done, it doesn't make that sensation evil. The evil, if any, would come from if you allowed you biases to cloud your judgement of what is "justified". It sounds to me that your fight is about you not trusting your own judgement. You are growing tired fighting the wrong battle.

Jul 24, 2019, 11:43 PM

Some control can be gained through training and experience, but controlling your emotions 100% is not possible, in my opinion. Our emotions are like an elephant steered by a person. A person can steer a calm elephant, but he cannot steer an angry elephant. The controlling part of our brain is much newer and weaker than the emotional part.

TheUrOther · Jul 25, 2019, 01:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nxious

Some control can be gained through training and experience, but controlling your emotions 100% is not possible, in my opinion. Our emotions are like an elephant steered by a person. A person can steer a calm elephant, but he cannot steer an angry elephant. The controlling part of our brain is much newer and weaker than the emotional part.

So, at best I have to rely on people's willingness to do the hard work of training themselves to exert what little control they have to prevent them from wanting to kill me.

Great.

Jul 25, 2019, 08:02 PM

Your question was general. If there are people hurting you or want to hurt, you need to report them to the police. Understanding if they can control their emotions won't help you. There is a law for a reason. Punishment deters people from doing what they are capable of doing.