[TishaBuv]

Does anyone else take people’s thoughtless comments to heart?

I really don’t let go of certain callous comments that really get to me.

I suppose they are especially hurtful because they are true, that’s why they sting. They make me obsess to criticize myself, soul-searching whether they are true. I get so incensed that someone who presents as a friend or a helpful professional would make such a disparaging dig, and feel such deep resentment that they think so little of me.

I suppose I am fairly ‘thin skinned’. But most comments don’t send me reeling or most people who say something stupid don’t offend or get to me. I’m pretty good about letting all that slide. It’s just the really offensive, deep cuts that I really don’t ever get over.

Anyone else?

[SlumberKitty]

I think it depends on who says it. I'm pretty sensitive but I can let a lot of things go, but if it is a coworker or something then sometimes I have a hard time letting it slide, especially if they really don't know what they are talking about because they really don't understand what I do. I'm still sort of hurting over a comment a coworker made a few days ago about me to someone else. And maybe because the person she said it to is someone that I respect and look up to, so I don't want that person thinking I am not doing a good job. HUGS Kit

[bpcyclist]

I still don't understand how this works with me. I would imagine for the most part, I am really very patient and forgiving and I just don't care what people say. I've been through so much with my illness that nothing anyone else could say to me could ever be as bad as what I've already been through. Words are just a joke compared to what my brain regularly puts me through. But then the other day, a convo I had twenty years ago with an ********* boss just entered my consciousness out of nowhere and I was very quickly extremely angry. It seems like there are certain critical moments in my life when others' words really, really hurt me. And those are the things that have stuck with me, no matter how much time has elapsed. I guess I still have some work to do.

Yes absolutely. I'd go so far to say the words of others at times have been traumatic. I think it's important to remember that if somebody is going to be really cruel to you by saying something that is true... or just somewhat true, or something that could be true.. that almost makes it not true. It's almost like it becomes false. When cruelty and the truth are both used at the same time, it means that person is not speaking to you from the truth and the truth is compassion. They're not speaking to you from compassion. I hope I'm making sense!

[nicoleflynn]

When someone is cruel, is says everything about who THEY are, and has nothing about you.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Does anyone else take people’s thoughtless comments to heart?

I really don’t let go of certain callous comments that really get to me.

I suppose they are especially hurtful because they are true, that’s why they sting. They make me obsess to criticize myself, soul-searching whether they are true. I get so incensed that someone who presents as a friend or a helpful professional would make such a disparaging dig, and feel such deep resentment that they think so little of me.

I suppose I am fairly ‘thin skinned’. But most comments don’t send me reeling or most people who say something stupid don’t offend or get to me. I’m pretty good about letting all that slide. It’s just the really offensive, deep cuts that I really don’t ever get over.

Anyone else?

I thought I was the only one who did that. I do this all the time myself and I am still trying to break the habit.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

I think it depends on who says it. I'm pretty sensitive but I can let a lot of things go, but if it is a coworker or something then sometimes I have a hard time letting it slide, especially if they really don't know what they are talking about because they really don't understand what I do. I'm still sort of hurting over a comment a coworker made a few days ago about me to someone else. And maybe because the person she said it to is someone that I respect and look up to, so I don't want that person thinking I am not doing a good job. HUGS Kit

I wish that I knew how to let go of negative comments to me.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

I still don't understand how this works with me. I would imagine for the most part, I am really very patient and forgiving and I just don't care what people say. I've been through so much with my illness that nothing anyone else could say to me could ever be as bad as what I've already been through. Words are just a joke compared to what my brain regularly puts me through. But then the other day, a convo I had twenty years ago with an ********* boss just entered my consciousness out of nowhere and I was very quickly extremely angry. It seems like there are certain critical moments in my life when others' words really, really hurt me. And those are the things that have stuck with me, no matter how much time has elapsed. I guess I still have some work to do.

I wish that I knew how to not let things bother me.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy

Yes absolutely. I'd go so far to say the words of others at times have been traumatic. I think it's important to remember that if somebody is going to be really cruel to you by saying something that is true... or just somewhat true, or something that could be true.. that almost makes it not true. It's almost like it becomes false. When cruelty and the truth are both used at the same time, it means that person is not speaking to you from the truth and the truth is compassion. They're not speaking to you from compassion. I hope I'm making sense!

I will have to keep that in mind.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by nicoleflynn

When someone is cruel, is says everything about who THEY are, and has nothing about you.

I will have to keep that in mind.

[divine1966]

If someone very close to me said something insensitive (like my husband for example-if he did that, he does not) I’d feel hurt. Other than that no, things people say don’t get under my skin. If I had thin skin I’d be eaten alive in my line of work. I
am able to move on quickly and not let things shake me up.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by divine1966

If someone very close to me said something insensitive (like my husband for example-if he did that, he does not) I’d feel hurt. Other than that no, things people say don’t get under my skin. If I had thin skin I’d be eaten alive in my line of work. I
am able to move on quickly and not let things shake me up.

What do you think some of us do that get us jabbed by those close and supposedly caring to us? Is it simply our loved ones natures vs those close to you are kinder people? Do you think some of us are just magnets for it? Subconsciously annoying people and ‘asking for it’? It’s truly puzzling to me.

Now, I’ve had a mixture of some close people who never took a jab, nor have I to them. Then I’ve had others who did jab, and I have not done it to them.

For me, it’s really been about a handful of comments that still irk me. I may have OCD, so things just repeat more in my mind.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Does anyone else take people’s thoughtless comments to heart?

I really don’t let go of certain callous comments that really get to me.

I suppose they are especially hurtful because they are true, that’s why they sting. They make me obsess to criticize myself, soul-searching whether they are true. I get so incensed that someone who presents as a friend or a helpful professional would make such a disparaging dig, and feel such deep resentment that they think so little of me.

I suppose I am fairly ‘thin skinned’. But most comments don’t send me reeling or most people who say something stupid don’t offend or get to me. I’m pretty good about letting all that slide. It’s just the really offensive, deep cuts that I really don’t ever get over.

Anyone else?

I really don't like people that say, " it's not as bad as all that". though I can sort of understand they are trying to make you feel better, to me it's an insult. they have no idea what I am going through

my other one is, " you're just tired". ugg. really?

anything out of my mother's mouth is hurtful

in particular, " you're mentally ill. you'll never be anything.", and " I disown you because you're bipolar."

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

anything out of my mother's mouth is hurtful

in particular, " you're mentally ill. you'll never be anything.", and " I disown you because you're bipolar."

Don’t let her ill informed negativity hold you back.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy

Yes absolutely. I'd go so far to say the words of others at times have been traumatic. I think it's important to remember that if somebody is going to be really cruel to you by saying something that is true... or just somewhat true, or something that could be true.. that almost makes it not true. It's almost like it becomes false. When cruelty and the truth are both used at the same time, it means that person is not speaking to you from the truth and the truth is compassion. They're not speaking to you from compassion. I hope I'm making sense!

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

What do you think some of us do that get us jabbed by those close and supposedly caring to us? Do you think some of us are just magnets for it? Subconsciously annoying people and ‘asking for it’? For me, it’s really been about a handful of comments that still irk me. I may have OCD, so things just repeat more in my mind.

Yeah, it could be that those with OCD or other anxiety disorders pay more attention to negative comments, therefore it seems as if you receive them more often. Or, if you're hanging out with sadists, it could be that they jab you more often because they know you're bothered by it.

There isn't much that really gets under my skin. Usually, I read these comments as an attempt to manipulate me, and then I try to figure out what their true goal is. It's just a game.

I lied. There was recently a comment that got under my skin such that I ranted about it in a post (and then forgot about it until now). But it was a comment which implied that I was someone else's pawn. Hell, it wasn't even directed at me.

[TishaBuv]

@theoretical, you are right. These few comments were cleverly crafted, but they were the same disparaging cut like someone saying ‘you are worthless and damned’. These people who said it were simply sadists. Their game was to knock me down to make themselves feel superior. It was because they posed as allies that caused me so much head spinning. Why would a friend want to destroy me? Aha! They were just frenemies.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Their game was to knock me down to make themselves feel superior. It was because they posed as allies that caused me so much head spinning. Why would a friend want to destroy me? Aha! They were just frenemies.

In which case, try focusing on the exchange as merely a game and the only objective is to win, and then you're less likely to be affected by it emotionally. After all, if their intention is to manipulate you, then their remark can't be trusted for accuracy anyway.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by theoretical

In which case, try focusing on the exchange as merely a game and the only objective is to win, and then you're less likely to be affected by it emotionally. After all, if their intention is to manipulate you, then their remark can't be trusted for accuracy anyway.

Is the best response to say nothing and just stay away?

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Is the best response to say nothing and just stay away?

No. It depends on the situation, what was said, who said it, who heard it, etc. Even if it doesn't affect you emotionally, their remarks can damage your reputation, which can hurt you in the long run.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by theoretical

No. It depends on the situation, what was said, who said it, who heard it, etc. Even if it doesn't affect you emotionally, their remarks can damage your reputation, which can hurt you in the long run.

The nice thing about that is I’m so unimportant no one cares about the vicious gossip she spread and her friends know she is such a piece of work they don’t take anything she says seriously.

The therapist who said something that really cut me, I never went to see again. Why would I pay to get counseling from someone who cruelly ripped me to pieces? I have no idea why she’d say something so disparaging, like to make me feel hopeless? I’m proud of myself for being smart enough to know when I’ve been insulted and stay away.

I’m okay from these few comments that were said over a year already. I’m just sorry they sent my mind reeling.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

...and her friends know she is such a piece of work they don’t take anything she says seriously.

In which case, yes, I think walking away would be a good response. It really isn't worth the argument, and confronting her might backfire by making her gossip appear legitimate. Even from a purely gaming perspective, it's a bit like playing chess against a pigeon. Why bother?

The therapist who said something that really cut me, I never went to see again. Why would I pay to get counseling from someone who cruelly ripped me to pieces? I have no idea why she’d say something so disparaging, like to make me feel hopeless? I’m proud of myself for being smart enough to know when I’ve been insulted and stay away.

This one is a bit trickier. Did you confront her on it? Did she give a reason why? Did you demand a refund?

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by theoretical

In which case, yes, I think walking away would be a good response. It really isn't worth the argument, and confronting her might backfire by making her gossip appear legitimate. Even from a purely gaming perspective, it's a bit like playing chess against a pigeon. Why bother?


This one is a bit trickier. Did you confront her on it? Did she give a reason why? Did you demand a refund?

They were both honestly telling me what they thought to be true, in order to “help” me... that I was just an ‘unhappy and miserable’ person, no matter what I do.

Those comments registered in my mind during both conversation, but repeated on me once alone and festered. Have you ever had an argument with someone, where, once it’s over you think of some zinger of a retort that you wish you had said in the moment? It felt like that.

But there was no zinger I could have thrown at them because they cut me to my core by craftily saying I was well... just broken.

Also, they were people whose opinions I respected. Why would a friend or a doctor make such a low blow? Therefore, it must just be the simple truth. Kinda sends you reeling.

I don’t consider myself an unhappy and miserable person. I consider that circumstances have made me feel that way. These people said that it wasn’t the circumstances, rather it was JUST ME.

[divine1966]

I think you misunderstood, I didn’t say that I don’t ever have people saying nasty things. I just said that I don’t let it bother me too much.

You mentioned that a friend was not nice to you. I don’t have friends like that. Why keep friends who are nasty to you?

My dad likes to say nasty things. My brother and I try to maintain sense of humor about it. Some things just are how they are. I try to change what I can and try to accept what I can’t change.

Not like I have thick skin, I just don’t dwell on things. Doesn’t mean I never meet nasty people