[guilloche]

I try... to do things right, to be a good person, etc etc etc.

But this lack of resiliency... feels terrible. I feel like my emotions get bounced around like a ping-pong ball based on anything happening around me. I already am pretty isolated (which actually helps - less likelihood of other peoples' drama affecting me!) but...

Today, I got beeped at for no reason in the grocery store parking lot. I got really, really upset. Then, instead of getting groceries, I left... came home... and cried.

This... doesn't seem normal.

I had another incident earlier this week, getting beeped at by someone behind me in a left turn lane. I was being cautious, because there was oncoming traffic and I didn't have the right of way. Why beep? If we wait, there will eventually be a green turn light... I'm not going to throw myself in front of traffic b/c you're beeping... it just makes me more stressed, upset, and freaked out.

I kind of hate the world right now.

Originally Posted by guilloche

I try... to do things right, to be a good person, etc etc etc.
But this lack of resiliency... feels terrible.

Maybe the world just sucks!

Have you considered looking into mindfulness? And or, the law of attraction? Both have made major differences in my ability to be calm and not get too worked up. Book for mindfulness is "the power of now" which teaches us to be fully present and in the moment and not to let your mind get away from you. Another good one is "full catastrophe living" by john karat zinnia's

Law of attraction book, the secret, says that what you put out there comes back at you. So I would probably just let the person beep their horn and feel sad for them because they clearly aren't going to be in a good place. It also teaches you about how to be happy and how to keep things in your mind that make you feel more happy and calm.

[MickeyCheeky]

The WISE and WONDERFUL Emily Fox Seaton has already gave you some WISE and WONDERFUL advice! I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY that you're HURTING AND STRUGGLING SO BADLY and that you're GOING THROUGH ALL OF THIS ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF AND ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN! I TRULY, DEEPLY AM! I COMPLETELY understand what you mean! Just take things one step at the time. It's hard but it can be done. And yes, I'm with you about waiting before throwing yourself into the traffic. Driving carelessly can be REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY DANGEROUS, VERY MUCH SO! So next time just don't worry about this kind of people! Your safety is MUCH, MUCH, MUCH, MUCH, MUCH MORE IMPORTANT! PLEASE STAY SAFE AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN! PLEASE ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE IMPORTANT, YOU MATTER, YOU'RE AWESOME, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, YOU'RE KIND, YOU'RE GENEROUS, YOU'RE SWEET, YOU'RE SMART, YOU'RE RESOURCEFUL, YOU'RE VERY MUCH LOVED, YOU'RE CARING, YOU'RE A DEAR, YOU'RE A DEEP THINKER, YOU'RE INTELLINGENT, YOU'RE WISE AND YOU'RE WONDERFUL! EVERYTHING OF WHAT I'VE JUST MENTIONED IS ALL ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY TRUE AND YOU KNOW THAT'S ALL ABSOLUTELY AND UNDENIABLY TRUE AS WELL EVEN IF IT'S DEEP DOWN INSIDE YOU! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN!Please feel free to PM me ANYTIME when you need it as I'll be here to listen without JUDGING! THAT'S A PROMISE! YOU CAN REST ASSURED OF THAT! I am SURE that plenty of others will also be glad to WONDERFULLY, BEAUTIFULLY, KINDLY, GENEROUSLY, DEEPLY, CARINGLY, SWEETLY AND WISELY help you as well! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @guilloche, your family, your friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY that you're HURTING AND STRUGGLING SO BADLY and that you're GOING THROUGH ALL OF THIS ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF AND ALL AND ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN! I TRULY, REALLY AM! PLEASE NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER GIVE UP HOPE NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY LOVED HERE! I PROMISE YOU THAT! THAT'S A PROMISE! YOU CAN REST ASSURED OF THAT!

[guilloche]

Thanks for the hugs and kind words.

Emily Fox Seaton - I've actually just started meditating, in the last few months. I was doing it daily for about 2 months (yay) but got sidetracked when things fell apart here (jury duty, air conditioner crisis, etc.). I've been re-starting though. I'll look at the stuff you mentioned, thanks!

MickeyCheeky - Thank you! You're always so kind and positive here, I appreciate it! And you're right, the "doing it all on your own" makes it so much harder. I don't really have a lot of real-life support people, so it's hard.

I'm also trying neurofeedback, but I'm almost 100 sessions in, and not having the results that I had hoped for I left a note in my training log for my brain guy to please give me a protocol for emotional resilience. I'm sure there's got to be something that can beef that part of my brain up a bit... I hate feeling like such an emotional wimp, things affect me so quickly and so much, it makes it really hard.

Thanks for listening!!!

[downandlonely]

I'm sorry things affect you like that. I hate driving and being honked at too.

[guilloche]

Thanks Downandlonely. *hugs* I appreciate it. It feels crazy to be soooo emotional reactive to everything. I'm really hoping that the neurofeedback can help, but we've been doing it for awhile now, and it's not really doing what I hoped.

People driving are crazy. I don't get it.