[AzulOscuro]

I’m very glad after having a conversation with my mum yesterday and giving steps to go closer to my siblings.
I’ve been living hard years worried about this part of my life. Somehow I’ve been feeling in the last place within my relatives group. It hurt so much. I avoid having a deeper connection other than the one you can have with an acquaintance. The main reason to feel like that were my psychological issues. I’ve spend nights where I woke up and began to think about this problem and couldn’t come back to sleep.
It’s normal. You feel unwelcome and you try to avoid being in that situation because you don’t want to be in pain.

I used a lot the word “feel” because it’s very particular, very subjective. I’m aware of one thing is how you may feel and a different thing is how reality is.

Said all that, again I’m glad because I could clear things up with my mum and I learnt everyone has his own view but none of these views are the absolute reality.
Taking into consideration how the other person may perceive a particular issue is very important to reach a more comprehensive and close to reality view as much as we may think the reality is on our part.

[Vanaheimr]

Establishing a good communication with the others matters a lot in life, especially with those who make part of the family, including siblings of course,
Decisions and steps forwards aren't that easy if you are avoidant person with psychological issues,
How the communication matters? Well, for sure having bridge of communication with them is going to reduce your anxiety and improve your mental health,
You may get a good support and help from them and this depends on how much steps you decided to get closer,
Being isolated and separated from them made you feel different from them, has influenced on you in a bad way, especially if their relationship between them is going healthy!
Keep moving forwards, and get closer as possible as u can to your relatives, take a weakness point that it used to be in past and make from it an advantage and a new start!

[AzulOscuro]

I’m not a person who is avoidant per se or whose avoidance is part of his personality. I’m more influenced by my anxiety phobia and insecurities but yes, it still makes any step forward more difficult.
It’s hard to feel and consider yourself a faulty individual but in the end you have to understand that this is the way you see yourself and it’s unfair. Noone deserves this punishment.
And as you said, the more you believe your own paranoia, the further you are gonna feel from the people that count for you and the worse you are gonna be.

[Vanaheimr]

The steps that you made forwards make sure if they won't give you the good results that you are expecting in short time, surely they would give you results after,
I mean being isolated and separated from them for years this needs time to make the changes appear,
Give time, and be patient,
What doesn't kill you makes stronger,
What doesn't kill you makes you fat, and any step forward is greatest attempt, i would rather make one step forwards than 1000 step backwards, or than staying glued in my place.

[AzulOscuro]

Thank you. This time I will be more patient.
:-)