[Elimatis]

Hello,
I am nineteen years old and this problem has been with me for a very long time. At about the age of eleven, I lost my hobby and I no longer enjoy life. I felt empty, without friends. I imagined myself to be a distinguished scientist, philosopher, or leader. That made me feel important and it literally engulfed me. Gradually, I created a picture of a perfect leader in my head and tried to achieve it.
I got rid of all pleasure in my life. I started eating a little, sleeping a little, destroy relationships with my family, start exercising a lot and still working (or simply doing anything). That made me feel important. But I don't want others to recognize me. I don't even want to achieve anything.I ended up alone. I feel either empty or important when I endure a pain. Why do I constantly need to feel important? Why do I feel important in doing things that destroy me?
I actually don't know what I want in life but feel important this way...

Thank you for your answers
Pavel

[bpcyclist]

Hey, Pavel, welcome. I am really sorry you are suffering. Have you ever thought about maybe possibly getting a therapist to talk about some of these things? I think it might be able to help you.

I had a very lonely, painful, and difficult teenagehood. I had near-constant bipolar depression. It wasn't ever treated because everybody just thought I was "too sensitive." If I had been able to see a professional sooner, it might have saved me a lot of heartache.

Please look into seeing someone. Therapy can completely transform your life. Sending you support and positive thoughts.

[Elimatis]

Hello,
thank you for your answer. Here I provide a detailed description of my problem:

I feel lost and insecure in my life. I can only get rid of emptiness by trying to achieve feeling superiority and importance (e.g. through help to people). How to get rid of this desire and find true meaning in my life?
The desire to feel important completely controls my life. Moreover, the ego is greedy and wants more and more. The more ego grows, the harder I can control myself. Then I achieve feeling of superiority by very unhealthy ways that hurt me and those around me. You advised me here (Error 404 - Quora... -Is-it-normal) to try not to do things for feeling of superiority. But how can this be achieved when this desire controls my life too much? How do I stop feeling superior when doing things that automatically bring me that feeling?

Thank you for your advice.

[Be Still]

Hi Pavel. I am deeply sorry you are experiencing this inner conflict. The question you pose is really interesting. You have an unrelenting desire to be superior to be seen as important. I notice how all of your dreams and fantasies are directed at gaining the validation from others, their approval of you. That’s when you’ll know you’ve made it. You’re the best.

The best way to overcome these is maybe accepting who you are right now. With all your strengths and flaws. Accept yourself without having to put any labels or titles. You are who you are. Learn who you are. No more masks or imitations. Success comes from finding who we are and being that person so richly and fully. It doesn’t matter who is watching.