[Twitch99]

The way I cope when when the crap hits the fan is I cut. "That's bad. You don't need to cut. You need to find different coping mechanisms." I hear this all the time when it is discovered I cut. The arguments are always the same and my rebuttal is the same. Yet in the end no one can answer the question of why is it bad?

"The open wounds can get infected."
I don't cut deep enough to leave open wounds. (Trust me on this one and don't judge me please. PC does not want me talking about specifics and I want to respect their rules.)

"You will leave scars"
No I don't but even if I did it is on places that are covered.

"Do you feel like you have to hide it? Then that should tell you it's bad."
I feel like I have to hide my depression, suicidal ideation, and multitude of other problems. Yet I am told I shouldn't be ashamed of that.

"Well you just shouldn't. You should find better coping skills." Why 75%-90% of the time this works?

Now that we have gotten those arguments out of the way can you tell me why it's so bad?

[eskielover]

You do know that even cat scratches that don't go deep can get infection. Any time there's even a small opening in the skin is leaves the possibility for infection to get inro the body. Shoot, even cracks on my fingers have made me need to fight off infection, so the depth of the cut is irrelevant to the possibility for infection.

Sometimes we tell ourselves stuff that isn't factually true to try to justify that it is ok for us to do things that really can cause damage & hurt ourselves.

It is a bad coping mechanism BECAUSE there are so many better ones you can learn that in no way can cause issues to the body like cutting can

[bpcyclist]

Speaking as a bit of an expert on the topic, even a deep scratch can leave a permanent scar. I have one from blackberries I got into as a kid and a second from my mean cat named Arlo.

cutting is also an addiction

once started, it is hard to break the cycle

trust me on this

[guilloche]

I've struggled with this, and don't have a good answer. I think that, to outright just say "it's bad! Stop!" - is frankly not helpful, and can kind of make some people (me!) want to do it more, just to show that you can't be controlled.

Any chance you can find a T that will be more open to you exploring what it actually means to you, what you get out of it, and how you feel about doing it versus not? Like, if you were to create an image of your perfect life... would cutting still be part of that? Why or why not? What other things would be different?

It's a really hard thing, and you might want to also do some research on if/how it changes your brain. (That would be a bigger concern for me!) Because Raging Vortex is right about it being like an addiction, and that might be something to consider?

*hugs*

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by guilloche

I've struggled with this, and don't have a good answer. I think that, to outright just say "it's bad! Stop!" - is frankly not helpful, and can kind of make some people (me!) want to do it more, just to show that you can't be controlled.

Any chance you can find a T that will be more open to you exploring what it actually means to you, what you get out of it, and how you feel about doing it versus not? Like, if you were to create an image of your perfect life... would cutting still be part of that? Why or why not? What other things would be different?

It's a really hard thing, and you might want to also do some research on if/how it changes your brain. (That would be a bigger concern for me!) Because Raging Vortex is right about it being like an addiction, and that might be something to consider?

*hugs*

Just like alcoholism....the individual person has to want to stop....but it is a not having better coping skills or maybe just not wanting to stop. Basing "not stopping" on reasons that are not factual is just being deceptive to one's own healing.

Just like with the anorexia I struggled with, it is IMPORTANT to get down to the fundimental CAUSE for the behavior & deal with it. That is a lot of HARD work for us & many T's are not capable of directing therapy below the tip of the iceberg.

Don't rationalize away your need for help by saying it doesn't matter because it is not hurting me. The FACT is that cutting IS a dysfunctional coping mechanism that needs to be dealt with in a rational way & the foundational source of "WHY" needs to be processed.

[Twitch99]

Originally Posted by guilloche

Any chance you can find a T that will be more open to you exploring what it actually means to you, what you get out of it, and how you feel about doing it versus not? Like, if you were to create an image of your perfect life... would cutting still be part of that? Why or why not? What other things would be different?

*hugs*

I have learned the hard way many times over that it is a bad idea to talk to a T. I am currently psychiatric nurse practitioner. Visited 4 or 5 times now. One visit talked about me cutting. Next visit I mentioned it & she was concerned by it as if we had never talked about it. Never brought that up again. The only reason I am seeing her is a last ditch effort to save my marriage. I don't think it's going to work.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Twitch99

The way I cope when when the crap hits the fan is I cut. "That's bad. You don't need to cut. You need to find different coping mechanisms." I hear this all the time when it is discovered I cut. The arguments are always the same and my rebuttal is the same. Yet in the end no one can answer the question of why is it bad?


"The open wounds can get infected."

I don't cut deep enough to leave open wounds. (Trust me on this one and don't judge me please. PC does not want me talking about specifics and I want to respect their rules.)


"You will leave scars"

No I don't but even if I did it is on places that are covered.


"Do you feel like you have to hide it? Then that should tell you it's bad."

I feel like I have to hide my depression, suicidal ideation, and multitude of other problems. Yet I am told I shouldn't be ashamed of that.


"Well you just shouldn't. You should find better coping skills." Why 75%-90% of the time this works?


Now that we have gotten those arguments out of the way can you tell me why it's so bad?

I agree with eskielover and others that you are fooling yourself that there is no risk for infection or scarring. That's factually untrue.

However, as someone who self harmed myself, the real reason I quit was to avoid hospitalization and over-reacting doctors. So you want to know why to quit? Honestly, you will be judged and hounded and involuntarily committed probably more than once if you ever have to go to an ER for anything and have an open wound. The damage this can then do to the rest of your life is huge. So, yes, this reason has to do with the way society treats it, but the fact is that it is the way our society deals with it.

You are abusing yourself. If you were to say "I hit my husband so why is that a bad coping mechanism?" It would be obvious, right? Hurting another person is not a good way to cope. Neither is harming yourself. It may help in the short term, but it's like an alcoholic saying they know what they're doing. They dont. You will need a stronger and stronger hit, over time, to get the fix you need to feel better.

We all have bad coping mechanisms on some form or another. No one is perfect. I am just sharing with you, through my own experience, how self harm can do big damage to your life. If you dont want to stop then dont. That's up to you. But also try not to be surprised when the nurse practitioner has you committed involuntarily. It's highly likely. That's enough of a reason to find other coping skills, at least for me it was.

[guilloche]

Originally Posted by seesaw

...However, as someone who self harmed myself, the real reason I quit was to avoid hospitalization and over-reacting doctors.

Thanks for this SeeSaw. I had kind of forgotten, and you reminded me. A big part of why I quit was my last therapist was constantly trying to get me to go on medications. I really, really didn't want to do that. I realized that, looking at it through her eyes, it was hard to make the argument that I was functioning "well enough" to not need meds if I was self-harming.

I've had the urge (rarely, but it happens) since then. But, I think I'd need to let my neurofeedback guy know if I did (since he's trying to help me treat my brain, it seems relevant) - but he's NOT a therapist. So, it would be awkward, and I don't want to put him in that position.

Twitch Sorry - I totally understand about the Ts you've seen. It's really unfortunate. I wish I could connect you with my last T! Even though she didn't work out for me, she was very, very non-shaming about the self-harm, and talked a lot about how it can come about.

I'm sorry to hear about your marriage. Lots of warm thoughts to you.

[Discombobulated]

Hi Twitch, although I do not have personal experience of cutting when I volunteered for a charity which supported young carers a few years ago they provided counselling.

I was told that at that time the current thinking was that people should be given clean blades (similar to how drug addicts are given clean needles) and ensured they knew safe techniques to cut (as you describe). So the focus was on safety but there was recognition that the cutting was a 'safety valve' in that in itself it helped a client avoid more harmful behaviour towards themselves.

At the same time the focus in counselling was about addressing the underlying issues which led to the cutting, rather than the cutting itself.

This was around 5 years ago and was in the UK. Things may vary in other countries.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by guilloche

Thanks for this SeeSaw. I had kind of forgotten, and you reminded me. A big part of why I quit was my last therapist was constantly trying to get me to go on medications. I really, really didn't want to do that. I realized that, looking at it through her eyes, it was hard to make the argument that I was functioning "well enough" to not need meds if I was self-harming.


I've had the urge (rarely, but it happens) since then. But, I think I'd need to let my neurofeedback guy know if I did (since he's trying to help me treat my brain, it seems relevant) - but he's NOT a therapist. So, it would be awkward, and I don't want to put him in that position.


Twitch Sorry - I totally understand about the Ts you've seen. It's really unfortunate. I wish I could connect you with my last T! Even though she didn't work out for me, she was very, very non-shaming about the self-harm, and talked a lot about how it can come about.


I'm sorry to hear about your marriage. Lots of warm thoughts to you.

I think a maladaptive coping skill only becomes maladaptive, by definition, when it begins to hinder normal life functioning. That may not be the case yet with the OP. My fear for her is an unnecessary involuntary committal, which would totally screw with every aspect of her life. Do I think cutting is wrong or bad? I mean, as a society we do a lot painful things to ourselves in the name of self care. What's the difference and where is the line? And why dont we have the right to dictate if we want to mutilate ourselves? There is a whole culture about body modification/self mutilation, and while it's not mainstream, it exists. Whose to say if cutting is maladaptive for the OP?

When I think of another person self harming I do feel sad. But I also understand the multitudes of impulses behind self harm and, in a sense, why the person is justified to do to their own body as they wish. But I also know that the rest of the world doesn't really understand it.

[Twitch99]

Originally Posted by seesaw

I think a maladaptive coping skill only becomes maladaptive, by definition, when it begins to hinder normal life functioning. That may not be the case yet with the OP. My fear for her........

*clears throat* I'm a guy lol

is an unnecessary involuntary committal, which would totally screw with every aspect of her life.

Yes it has really screwed with me.

Do I think cutting is wrong or bad? I mean, as a society we do a lot painful things to ourselves in the name of self care. What's the difference and where is the line? And why dont we have the right to dictate if we want to mutilate ourselves? There is a whole culture about body modification/self mutilation, and while it's not mainstream, it exists. Whose to say if cutting is maladaptive for the OP?

When I think of another person self harming I do feel sad. But I also understand the multitudes of impulses behind self harm and, in a sense, why the person is justified to do to their own body as they wish. But I also know that the rest of the world doesn't really understand it.

I'm not sure how old you are but I remember back when tattoos were looked down on. Ask anyone who has gotten a tattoo. They HURT for days after. Then you get into face piercings.....so what I'm getting at and also seems to be part of your point is one of the biggest things wrong with cutting is that it isn't socially acceptable. Which is why when we cut or self harm in other ways we must keep the damage hidden.
a point was made in another post about how Ts can't treat and don't know how to treat comorbidities. A mental hospital will only keep you "safe" they don't really work on your problem. Therapists only treat depression. If you're suicidal or cut or anything else they're not able to handle that and want to lick you up. (Sorry for the side rant)

[seesaw]

I'm sorry I mistook your gender! My apologies.

Yes, the biggest problem or problems are that it's not socially acceptable and also not understood enough even by the psychiatric practitioners to know how to effectively deal with people who do. Committing someone for self harm is pretty pointless, IMO. I don't think it ever actually stops them from doing so. And they aren't suicidal, so it's not useful in the same way to commit them.

And I did remember when tattoos were taboo, and I got tattoos anyways. When I first started my career, I always had to cover my tattoos up. Now, while I still keep them partially covered, I dont have to worry about a little ink showing under the cuff of my sleeve. I was never into piercings either but it's quite the same. I remember coworkers who always had to take nose piercings out.

I mean piercings are incredible painful, as I understand it, at risk for infection, and are actually poking holes in your body. So I get it, this is like a double standard. And when I was actively cutting I had in my head that I was "modifying" myself.

And to just be frankly honest, I would possibly engage in it again if I wasnt too well familiar with the consequences of hospitalization and the lack or understanding. So I really do get it. That one consequence was big enough for me to just cope other ways.

[The_little_didgee]

Originally Posted by Twitch99

The way I cope when when the crap hits the fan is I cut. "That's bad. You don't need to cut. You need to find different coping mechanisms." I hear this all the time when it is discovered I cut. The arguments are always the same and my rebuttal is the same. Yet in the end no one can answer the question of why is it bad?

I experimented with this, when I was a teenager ,and of course I took it too far. Now I have some unsightly hypertrophic scars, that I hide under clothing. This is my biggest regret in life. I wish, I can erase the scars off of me, because they remind me of a terrible time in my life.

Why it is bad? It can push people away. It is also an extreme form of being hard on oneself.

[*Beth*]

I don't think there's anything wrong with cutting. You are well aware of the risks. I suppose you can wash any cut and apply Neosporin to it.


Cutting is one aspect of you telling another aspect of you that there's a problem that needs processing and healing. If I'm cutting myself I'm motivated to do so because I am desperately trying to cope with something(s). In the long run, finding and using healthy coping skills will take me a lot further in life than hurting myself will.

[Mountaindewed]

I cold turkey stopped cutting over 4 years ago after doing it for about 8 years. My T says I didn’t necessarily snap out of it but that I just had enough with the way I was living.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Twitch99

The way I cope when when the crap hits the fan is I cut. "That's bad. You don't need to cut. You need to find different coping mechanisms." I hear this all the time when it is discovered I cut. The arguments are always the same and my rebuttal is the same. Yet in the end no one can answer the question of why is it bad?

"The open wounds can get infected."
I don't cut deep enough to leave open wounds. (Trust me on this one and don't judge me please. PC does not want me talking about specifics and I want to respect their rules.)

"You will leave scars"
No I don't but even if I did it is on places that are covered.

"Do you feel like you have to hide it? Then that should tell you it's bad."
I feel like I have to hide my depression, suicidal ideation, and multitude of other problems. Yet I am told I shouldn't be ashamed of that.

"Well you just shouldn't. You should find better coping skills." Why 75%-90% of the time this works?

Now that we have gotten those arguments out of the way can you tell me why it's so bad?

I understand a little about cutting. Have you thought about using ice or taking a marker where you want to harm yourself? I suppose people feel uncomfortable about cutter. Is it possible that those who know about the cut? Are concerned about how deep the cuts are or you could unintentionally hit a vein that won't stop bleeding? They worry about how they are going to help you in emergency.

[Twitch99]

@Buffy01 I almost never have access to ice when I need to cut. Drawing on myself with a marker does no good. It's the pain that helps me, but it's the specific type of pain. Which is why I always have a specific type of blade near by. Those who know specifically how I cut are not worried about me going to deep because they know it's not possible. Their main concern is "You shouldn't do it." Because that's what Society has ingrained in their mind.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Twitch99

@Buffy01 I almost never have access to ice when I need to cut. Drawing on myself with a marker does no. It's the pain that helps me, but it's the specific type of pain. Which is why I always have a specific type of blade near by. Those who know specifically how I cut are not worried about me going to deep because they know it's not possible. Their main concern is "You shouldn't do it." Because that's what Society has ingrained in their mind.

It was suggested that I used those coping skills. I'm not a cutter but I have self harm. I'm sorry my advice couldn't be more helpful. Sometimes ice helps and sometimes draws helps me.

As a teen I was hospitalized for 6 months because of my cutting. The problem had grown to where I would literally run from a room to go do it if I felt upset. The effect was like a drug and the association formed in my brain kept me powerless to communicate upset feelings by talking. In fact, I bottled all my feelngs up before I started with cutting. In the hospital I was encouraged to draw color pictures, which were always of inner demons and conflicts. I was putting them out into view, into the light. Cutting kept them inside me. After I was discharged, I got curious and was tempted to see how a cut would feel. It hurt so bad and stung for weeks because I no longer had those internalized problems that had numbed me from the inside out. Life that way was crippling. It's 40 years past, but people notice all those scars. First thoughts when it comes to insurance purposes are that any injury to me, I did myself and will likely not be compensated. My reasons for stopping were that I outgrew the need. I wish it had been because I cared for and valued myself. Because I didn't, most of the ways I coped were short-sighted and came back to bite me; i.e. were unhealthy or "bad", meaning ineffective as a strategy. My wish for you is that your reason for stopping can include caring for and valuing yourself.