Having trouble

It’s been a couple of years since this has been getting noticeable by me. I can’t seem to express any genuine emotion besides anger and frustration. I try my best to not hurt the others around me with my thoughts but I just can’t stop seeing the negative in everything. I can’t be optimistic and my mother has even told me I only see the bad in everything. I put on a face for everyone so that they don’t realize that I could care less, and I really want to care. I feel more tired everyday and boredom just overwhelms me to a point where I just shut down and drift off. It affects my life. I just want to be able to actually feel happy or even sad again. Just something other then anger or boredom.

Hi Binbonni.

I am so very, very sorry that you are suffering this boredom, fatigue, anger and frustration and that you are unable to feel other things.

The human brain is so mysterious. Depression seems to get the brain stuck in a way of looking at things from the point of view of "could be better, but isn't better." And depression also seems to prevent the brain from being able to see the same things from the point of view of "could be worse, but isn't worse."

It seems as though that seeing things only from the point of view of "could be better, but isn't better" can hardly generate feelings of being lucky or feelings of appreciation and gratitude. Seems it can only generate feelings and moods of anger, disappointment, aggravation, frustration and sadness.

People who are not afflicted with depression seem able to move freely between "could be better but isn't better" and "could be worse but isn't worse" attitudes. But depression severely restricts the range of emotions and moods a person can experience. Depression is such a cruel and brutal illness.

There are medical treatments for depression and therapy. Hopefully you will find something that helps you. It is heartbreaking that you cannot experience the full range of human emotions. I was in this situation for so many, many years. My heart goes out to you! -- Yao Wen

Hello Binbonnl: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. Welcome to Psych Central

The Depression forum, here on PC, may also be one to take a look at. Here's a link just in case you haven't already found it:

https://psychcentralforums.com/depression/

You didn't mention if you've tried seeing a counselor or therapist regarding what you're experiencing. If not, that may be something to consider. In the meantime, though, here are links to 8 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that may be of interest:

Why So Angry & Irritable? It Might Be Depression

Depression: Symptoms, Types & Treatments | Psych Central

Living with Depression: A Guide for Coping with Depressive Feelings | Psych Central

Angry All the Time for No Reason? This Might Be Why

https://psychcentral.com/blog/unders...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/a-tech...nful-feelings/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...nful-emotions/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/8-step...yourself-more/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Hi @Binbonnl,

Yes, feeling cut off from the good emotions would obviously be quite frustrating and quite difficult to deal with, but I think it shows great character on your part that you would like that to change. You're halfway there, in my view. The real you wants to come out.

I think in spite of your sense of negativity and pessimism, just try to let your actions be positive or productive or caring - it can be done. For example, you may feel within yourself like you could care less but do something like mow the lawn, help with the dishes, or even buy your mum a bunch of flowers, things like that. Then, reflect on what it means to others when you do these small things - and from there, I believe the inner emptiness you feel will slowly start being replaced by something better.