Difficult dealing with absence of response

Hello,

I have, for many years, had difficulty dealing with the absence of response to my e-mails.

I noticed this when I started using the Internet around 1995 or maybe later.

I consider not answering to an e-mail to be extremely rude, the same as if the person would not respond to me in person. I believe people behave like this because they cowardly hide behind the medium.

This is grave to the point that I fantasize about But I know I would never do that in real life. Although I would be satisfied if they felt the same way I feel.

I'm now 43 and this hatred hasn't vanished.

Any advice?

Thanks.

Hi,

Yes, there are certain triggering things I haven't been able to get used to as well, so in that respect I can definitely relate.

For me, now, the way I deal with it is to literally expect the worst, which is a way of mentally preparing for a setback. And the second thing is, when the triggering event actually does happen - and it always happens eventually - learning to not let it take root in the mind and in the emotions - work on letting it go as swiftly as possible, so as to retain a level of rationality in that specific moment. That's basically it. Expect the worst then let it go.

Definitely, I also have many things that triggers me and I don’t have always the smartest reaction to be honest.

What it works for me in these situations is first, try to keep a little of distance so I have the change to cooler myself ( this is something you can get by many means, and each person gets it by doing different actions, it has to be with change the state of mind basically and distract yourself from the situation, walking, meditating, writing on a journal, etc).
After that I try to second look what triggered me in a more objective way, mainly to test two things: on one side, whether I was able to see the situation in an objective way or I was more lead by my emotions. On the second side, I’m very curious to know why a particular situation triggers me. What it is telling me about. To see if there’s any pattern and I can put some kind of sense and order.

After all that, I take my conclusions and take choices.

Wow! It’s not easy. I’m still in a 20% of achievement in this process. Most of the time, I react, I attack to protect myself or I let myself down and complain about my unfair luck.

There are so many reasons by which a person may do something that I don’t like. Mainly, because they aren’t us.

Look, in your example, about replying to a message. I would also feel triggered. But, my response it would be very different. I would think this person didn’t like me or finds me boring or something negative about me. What I thought might be truth but it could also only be that this person didn’t receive my message. Or maybe, doesn’t have anything to reply.
Each case it’s different and by distancing yourself enough to be able to see it more objectively, helps to find a peace of mind.
Many times, we don’t find another option that this person is not a person you might be interested in going on touch. Simple as that.

Sorry for the long post. lol! But, as it’s something I’m trying to work on it currently, it’s a topic that touches me.

A side note: I wouldn’t ever ever ever dare to not reply your messages. Just in case. lol!

I guess the longer the post, the more number of errors in English. lol!
My apologises in advance.

Another perspective could help maybe you can relate? when I had a cell phone..
A text or an email allowed me to feel comfortable speaking when I normally would say nothing.

It was the equivalent of a kids blanky, the written language allowed a safety net.

I know face to face I would never be able to respond the way I would through text or email, my thoughts jumble my words caught in my mouth and well my brain for whatever reason functions extremely slow to the next person.

Sometimes I don't know how to answer people in emails or texts as the words or comprehension of the words fit my own messed up contextual definition, someone could say something completely innocent and it could come across threatening or vice a versa there are a lot of variables taken away when one writes something down.

The above reasons scare me, the response scares me...I don't know why

As of recently with a mental illness I get worried the email I need to respond to will set off a chain of reactions similar to the butterfly effect and I get silent.

I have issues answering at times, the other side of what I told you is that I just forget to respond, I apologize I know its not right.

You don't need to apologize. I'm also not an English native speaker and I mistook your post for an English native speaker one, so I guess it's OK

I see. We could speak in our own languages and we still understand each other.

Do you think it would help reading the perspectives of those who ghost other people? People do it for many reasons, intentional or not, and if you find some that you're able to sympathize and/or empathize with, perhaps it would lessen your feelings knowing that maybe some of the people that have ghosted you did so for similar reasons.

I had to check what ghosting means

I don't think it will hurt, although the cases I'm referring to are not related to ghosting, if I understand correctly?

Let me give examples:

1. We are periodically tormented by an alarm that goes on when someone leaves the door open (and the alarm is louder inside our room than near the door). I e-mail one of the directors and she ignores me. Twice.

2. I am given an annual appraisal of 1/5 which is extremely unfair and provokes serious damage, both in my professional and personal life. I ask for the help/support of another director by e-mail, which simply ignores it.

These are maybe two of the most notorious examples.

In that case, let me torture them with you.

I thought you were referring to acquaintances you meet online. You know, people normally is more considered in daily or face to face communications.

This is what I would do. Sending them another message where you tell them that you are checking up if they received the first one.
They won’t have another option than to f***ing reply, or f****ing reply.

These are very rude, I think it would be ''normal'' to be angry.