For quite a while it seems like life is mundane. It feels like life is "clockwork" or just being a cog in the wheel. I do things every week precisely on the minutes.

I go to work and I'm thankful to have a job to go to. I feel guilty for not being happy with it at times. At where I work, it's a skeletal crew. Hardly anyone there and there's not much work to do. So it gets boring and the days drag. Plus people's moods are not good and I miss a lot of those who were at my job. I probably will never see those at work I liked a lot ever again.

At home there's a lot more of nothing than at work. On Saturdays I'm bogged down and busy with cleaning and shopping. I live at a small apartment complex and haven't connected with anyone. In passing I would say hello to some. There are some whom I want to avoid also. I just have one friend locally and we just talk on the phone. He's alright but I'm not crazy about him. There were times when I wanted to split with him because he would say things that are upsetting. We'll probably never get together again also for various reason. I have my sister who calls me every Sunday. Sometimes our talks go OK and sometimes not. She and will probably never get together also for various reasons.

So I don't know. I don't know what to do to break out of this. I know that my life now is pretty good and I shouldn't complain. I feel guilty when I do. I know that in this pandemic, trying to do things to improve social life is harder. But it was difficult for me long before this thing happened. Well, this morning, I read a passage about a sunflower in amongst a patch of sage, cactus, and thorns. It means that some little thing can happen to lift me up in the midst of the dryness. I'm hoping for that and I hope I could be that to someone else.

[bpcyclist]

So sorry. Do you have a mental illness? What about a local support grp or meetup?

What are your outside interests and hobbies?

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

So sorry. Do you have a mental illness? What about a local support grp or meetup?

What are your outside interests and hobbies?

I have depression, at least that's what my primary care physician told me. I also took some on-line tests for depression and seemed to have scored highly on it. I also have some anxiety and maybe some social anxiety. I am introverted, so that doesn't help.

I tried Meet Ups before and went for the kind of groups that seemed very fitting for me. They didn't work out. I didn't care very much for the people that went to those things and some groups had no one show up and were cancelled.

I'm not much of a hobbyist. I work out at home (I never liked gyms) and bike ride. I've been in bike riding groups and walking groups. The people were OK but it seemed like they didn't have room for me. I just don't feel comfortable with groups of people I don't know; and every experience I had did not go well. So I gave up because I felt worse in trying than when I didn't bother to go at all.

Yeah, i feel like you @will19. I'm mostly in the bipolar forum and there are a lot of people there going thru hell so i feel ungrateful complaining. COVID-19 is definitely not the time to start to try and build a social life tho. Guess we just hold on and wait for a vaccine. The days drag tho. I get tired of doing things to try and feel good, try and wring some happiness out of an unwilling day. I lecture myself that at least i am safe now. I had tough times twenty years ago when i didn't have safety and things are so much better. But still, the day is long and the night is mine alone.

[rechu]

Yeah, I understand the feeling too. Here the lockdown makes it impossible to interact with anyone but my husband because we can barely leave the house due to tight restrictions. Pretty much all we do is work. It's hard to keep track of the days at times. I connect with friends through chat and other methods. But it's not the same. I think it is going to be hard to develop much of a social life until the virus is brought under control.

I'm glad to have the job. It is much better than my former employment and I know so many people who are struggling financially, but there has to be more to life than just being cooped up working.