How are you coping today? #3

I'm trying to relax this morning by doing some cooking. But I don't think it's helping. I'm worried that the dish I made is unhealthy. But I'm trying to use up what I have. I am also drinking a frappuccino. Those help me cope. Later I will play a game. Or maybe read.

I am tired today after doing so many chores yesterday.I feel like I need a whole days rest,do the food shop tomorrow,resume chores on wednesday.
I do have to sort the bins and recycling today and put them out for the bin men to collect tomorrow morning.

I’m coping well today. I’m a bit unmotivated and avoiding a couple things, but everyday can’t be positive.

I am up at 1am again I went to bed at 10pm couldn't make it more than 3 hours without waking and now I don't think I can get back to sleep yet.
I am also upset cos I had chicken dippers from MacDonald's last night and I forgot sauces have sugar and I ate barbeque dip, it sent my sugars up, that's so stupid of me!

I really don't want to be awake at this time of night it makes it harder to get back to sleep in bed I will probably sleep again this morning on the sofa and get stiff and uncomfortable and wake around 5am and go upstairs to bed again and not be able to sleep and be uncomfortably awake until the morning. I hate when I have nights like this, really hate it.

I feel like eating too and you should not eat at night !It is so frustrating.

I am not coping when this happens.

I finally got back to bed and got more sleep.Up again now it's 6.14am.I got to occupy myself until 10am when I am going out to collect my money and do a food shop at the
grocery store,I couldn't get an online delivery slot.I am not exact;y brimming with energy but I gotta get this shopping done.That is if I want to have enough food over xmas.

I'm coping well this morning. I am having coffee and emailing friends. It's nice to reach out to people.

Today was a good day,I got my xmas food shop done,I didn't expect it to be easy I thought there would be crowds in the food hall,that it would take ages and I would get exhausted but no it was plain sailing and I got into town early and got it done in an hour and got home.When home I rested,packed it all away.I put the flowers in a vase and set them on my small pine table next to the xmas tree,it looks nice and festive.Then I ordered MacDonalds to be delivered and ate it,I've been messaging my niece and sister and chatting.I did well today and I feel ok.

I’m coping well but my anxiety is almost unbearable and my depression is blah. Not sure what’s going on except I’m very tired and I think I need to take my night meds early. I really want to go look at Christmas light tonight so I’m trying to hold off on going to bed.

I am coping to the best of my abilities. I was diagnosed with PTSD today, officially. I already knew I had the symptoms for it, but it was a relief to get it confirmed.

listening to Christmas music for the time being.

I got up early bought a coffee and toastie from coffee shop and sat on bench outside to eat and drink cos of covid coffee shops are takeaway only.
I went to food hall and got a few things I forgot to get yesterday was meant to get butter but forgot that today also,I forgot it yesterday,I think I've got enough to get through
xmas I can go out on Boxing day if need be but I think I can last till Jan 2.I found a cute penguin like thing full of bath bombs,it was half price so I bought one as an xmas present for my sister,I think she will like it.

I got home and went straight upstairs and changed my clothes and wrapped the present,made a cup of tea and got the radio on.No chores to do today and nothing urgent to do,I can chill out and rest all day.I cancelled my zoon session with my therapist cos she upset me,I lost confidence in her.She told me to eat to feel better,'go on she said have a bit of what you fancy, a little won't hurt,live a little,,she is saying this to her client who has come to her for help with an eating disorder,eating food when depressed for comfort and she as a therapist was encouraging me to eat to make myself feel better.She's supposed to stop me relying on food for comfort not tell me to do it!Anyway this angered me and I didn't want to talk about it today we were going to do that but I'm still too angry to talk,I will discuss it in January.

Apart from that I am coping ok,so I will just relax and enjoy the next few days!

I'm not coping well. My female cat woke me up in the middle of the night crying. I took care of her. Now my male cat is crying. I'm not sure what he wants. I try everything I can think of. I haven't tried the calming spray though. I may do that. I really need more sleep. I feel overwhelmed and exhausted.

Doing really well this week, working every day and keeping busy, also extremely pleased my vulnerable parents have now had their first vaccine for Cv19.

I’m not coping today. I woke up feeling ropey but then also I’m off work for 2 weeks yet they keep emailing me so I lost it. I feel helpless and pathetic and not in control of my life. If someone told me what to do to be happier/less sad/ more content I’d do it in a heartbeat but I feel like I don’t have options.

I'm feeling really down and angry due to my grief because of the anniversary of losing my mom the day before Christmas eve.

I’m trying but it’s difficult. I’m so tired today. I’m worried I’m going to get kicked out of program and therefore not be able to see my therapist and Pdoc anymore. Maybe if my Pdoc actually kept my appointments or replied to emails I could figure things out.

Edit. I talked with my case manager and she said it was fine to take tomorrow off since it’s a holiday. She said I won’t get into trouble.

I need to practice the skills I’m learning so I can stop assuming and get worked up.

Just adjusting to the so called new normal,most of the shops shut,cinemas shut,restaurants shut,my favourite cafe is take away service only so can't use it.It costs me £9 there and back and £5.70 for a toastie and coffee and I am supposed to eat it hanging on the street corner standing up,which would take 10 mins then I'd have to come home,I usually hang in cafe all day which justifies spending the money on taxis but not doing it for 10 mins.That's if I can stand for 10 mins cos my legs hurt,there is no seating outside the cafe they have taken all the seats away you can't sit down.I can't handle this lockdown and it is horrible.

Not very well, feeling really sad. December is the worst month for me...

I'm not doing too bad this morning. I've started on my chores for the day. I also spent some time playing my game. People were standing around dancing, so I did a little dance too. It was fun. The only place I can socialize is in-game. I may go to a party in World of Warcraft tonight.

My mind keeps going back to what I feel was a pivotal point where my different actions might have changed the terrible outcome. She had called the meeting with just us and without him there. I thought it was for the purpose for us to put this train wreck back on the right track, where she would apologize for her bad treatment and make amends. She did the opposite. I was shocked at how she spoke to me. No fiancé with good intentions to build a life with a man would ever go on the attack at his parents like she did.

My reaction to her shocking put-down she said to me, was to get up and leave. But my h insisted we don’t leave. Her venom got worse after I sat back down. She then bludgeoned us by telling us she has heard our son cry to her for years because we are terrible parents. We were in shock. We had nothing but love, and never one negative word exchanged with him.

I told her that what she is saying has shocked us speechless and can’t imagine where this stemmed from. I said I did not want to have this conversation about him without him here. But she continued, even causing my h to walk outside to take a break crying.

We let her talk as she laid some unsolicited advice on us, to be totally supportive of whatever they do regardless of them doing some things that cut us to the core and other things that were just offensive.

We responded as my h calls ‘fake nice’ without a fight, leaving it seeming fine. We drove home trying to make sense of what happened.

Instead, my mind keeps going back to I wish I had walked out when I wanted to, and gone over to his place to include him in this discussion. Could that have made a difference for the better? I so wish something had.

Every family seems to have a member like her, @TishaBuv. And they ARE like poison. I'm really sorry!!

After all the soul searching I’ve done on this, it’s as simple as her intentions were to alienate us so she can have full control over him and their life with no distraction, influence, or interference from us. Thanks, Breaking Dawn!

As usual the morning was great. Then as usual around noon I started feeling down and anxious. I’m doing a lot to keep busy, and I’m handling my feelings and thoughts when they come. So I guess I’m coping ok. I get kinda antsy and restless Christmas Eve because I’m anticipating Christmas. I know what I’m getting but I haven’t actually seen them. So I am still excited about my gifts

I am doing well, work has gone well despite being hard work, it's honestly been my saviour this year.

Spent time with my son this afternoon, which I appreciated and called my dad tonight which was good too.

Today is peaceful and relaxing,and it's christmas day too,so that's good,I will be online and then listen to the radio then watch tv,I am all alone all day and evening and night,
I don't mind, I enjoy a bit of solitude,I hope my mother is well looked after in the care home today.