Everything I do is wrong

In November, I left grad school. In June, I left my job to join a different field away from master's degree. I'm being constantly reminded that I'm never good enough. And I'm angry, confused, and annoyed at every little detail of leaving....every insecurity is being pushed right in my face.

Worst of all, I'm single and my prospects are Zero. And I'm crying. I wonder if I ever had social skills. Or if I only had people who just dealt with me because they had no options. I'm supposedly with others tomorrow that are close to my age, yet most are 5 to 10 years older. And my mind is not present. It's on an exit strategy, just in case. I feel ruined. Those would be mentors drained every thing from me and left me with nothing but debt.

I am reminded that the professor had a death that same weekend, yet I was the one who left.... Life is awful. Where is the joy?? Or did it all leave?

Sent from my moto g stylus using Tapatalk

I'm sorry to hear this and I feel for you. I don't know if anything I could say will be any help to you, but here it goes.

For me 2020 was a pretty good year even though it was very bad for many others. I was able to work at the site (when there was supposed to be a lock down), the atmosphere all around was quiet, and I was able to put money away due to a pay increase and some stimulus checks.

But then '21 came along. It was OK at the beginning, but then things started to fall apart. My job had changed and it wasn't welcoming. It got unbearable and then I decided to quit in early June. I had made plans on how I'm going to get by if I quit, knowing that my worst case scenario was to not receive unemployment. I thought I could swing it. But I ended up not getting unemployment (which didn't surprise me) but I'm OK with it. But then also I ended up not eligible for a state run program low cost insurance plan that I thought I would get and that was a shock to me. And now I'm receiving Social Security, which isn't that much, but it was a fight at first to receive it.

Since I had quit and retired (for now), it seemed like nothing went right. I thought that it would be nice and easy but it didn't turn out that way. So I felt like I couldn't do anything right for about two months since I quit my job. I don't know if this is of any help to you. This is what it's like for me now. As far as the prospects go for me, as being single, there's none whatsoever.

So Sorry things are being so hard and So Sorry for your Loss! Please Do not give up! Hugs. i agree with the wise and wonderful will19 about being So Sorry for what is happening to you. Whom are the people whom are telling you are not good enough? If you have anyone telling you things like that in your Life with you i think it'd be best to ignore them if not cutting them off entirely if they persist in it. So Sorry you're feeling like this but please do not be hard on yourself or others. i think seeing a therapist may be useful if you aren't seeing one already of course. i Hope things will improve really soon for everyone. Stay Safe. Love. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @puzzclar, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Here's the best thing. I never once thought about sui or si. Instead I thought what can I do that will help me get through the situation.

I've made huge strides. And I'm finally saying huge. T told me I was doing good, pdoc said same thing. Even with so much s**t, I can find peace.

New challenge, getting my whole self ready each day to stop the pain before gets worse and self care isn't enough. Which means stretching, meditation, and very specific planning.

Sent from my moto g stylus using Tapatalk