How can I be optimistic and overcome my shyness?

I am a young guy in my early 20s who is off at college. College has not been an enjoyable experience because with the exception of a few select dates in the summer and autumn, I've kept to myself, out of nervousness. I worry that the same thing will occur like it did last semester.

I spent the last two days hidden in my room, worrying about this semester and how I don't want it to be a carbon copy of the fall, and doing schoolwork. I only went out biking once and felt too nervous to engage with anyone.

Today was my first day of class, and while the course, social contract theory, kept my attention, I felt disappointed because it was a difficult start. While I felt confident at first, that began to wane as I saw other students walking around the building and talking comfortably and with ease. I sat next to this pretty girl with painted nails and dark hair. but I was too shy to talk to her.

when the professor finished lecturing, I wanted to strike up a conversation with her, but why would she? I doubted myself and so I didn't end up mustering up the courage of putting myself out there today, with her or any other students.

I have a problem with ruminating on things and I did that today after feeling intimated by seeing all the students out, and that missed opportunity with this girl. I went back to my apartment and kept to myself. I always ruminate on all the little actions I take or don't take. I know I can be sociable and make people laugh, I've done it a number of times in the past.

I really want this semester to be different. I want to have moments at college with an actual active social life.

Thank you for any advice provided. I'll check this for replies soon.

Hi, social anxiety is a common problem among a lot of young people today. Especially, in today's world of the increasing pandemic, being glued to our own home has restricted our interaction with others to a great extent. As a result of this, social anxiety, shyness have become common problems among peorple. In my opinion, your shyness and lack of courage to interact in college too would be a part of this. Approaching an expert therapist would definitely help you overcome this very issue and boost your self-esteem.

Hi, JH! I have an idea for you about the girl. If you get the opportunity again to sit near her, when you first make eye contact, smile & silently mouth hi & maybe give a slight wave. Then turn your eyes to your stuff (backpack, notebook, textbook, whatever) & appear focused on preparing for class. If she's interested, your subtle greeting will feel friendly & polite. She may take it from there in due time, when it feels comfortable. Do you think you could do this without feeling too nervous?

I suggest some simple small talk and smiling. Small talk is about safe non personal things that you might have in common. In a lecture, ask to borrow a pen (pretend yours is out of ink or lost) double check the assigned homework or reading pages. Ask if she knows where the closest vending machine is (as long as it isn't within sight). Remember to smile and say thanks no matter what the answer is.

I used to struggle with self confidence and social anxiety. I started using small talk with cashiers to practice. If I paid cash, I'd ask for all the bills to be singles. I'd say it made making change at the laundromat easier. I would ask someone for directions or if they knew a place for good chicken wings or a good cheesesteak. It didn't matter if I needed directions or change or whatever. It helped me practice talking to people, listening to people and thanking them. And smiling because I was always so anxious it felt like I couldn't smile. I practiced smiling with every thank you even if I couldn't manage small talk.
It helped most with social anxiety. Confidence took a bit more time.

Good luck.

Take an acting class it will get you out of your own head and build your confidence. It's what my parents did to me as an insecure teen. it really helped me get out of my shell. And build a hobby. It's fun.

Can you join some extracurricular clubs? I remember there being a lot of those and their purpose is basically to give people a chance to socialize. If there's a subject you like and there's no club for it--you could start one. I started an anime club years ago at my college and I made some good friends that way.

Another possibility would be to start a study group for a given class--you could try for a group for each class you're taking, to broaden the options of meeting people. And you don't have to approach people one-at-a-time. You could just send an email to the class looking for "study partners" or saying you want to start a "study group", etc. Among other things, it would give you something you could say to that girl--"I started a study group, you want to join us?"

I've never done well with "optional" or "free-form" socializing. I do OK at conferences for instance, because I can talk about work with people, but I do poorly at weddings where I have no idea what to talk about. Clubs and study groups give a purpose to the interactions so they might be less stressful/bewildering. This is just my experience.

Some suggestions:

1 . Ruminating is bad yes. Recognize it as hurting your social life. For each day that you allowed yourself to ruminate, in your room, write a 200x on a sheet that you will not ruminate because it's hurting you socially. Let it sink into yourself that you have to stop it immediately next time you get to class. Keep doing until you stop this habit. Look for what you should be doing instead. Write a 200x on a sheet that you will listen to the lecture and get the most of it.
2. Make it a goal to get to know your classmates names and introduce yourself. If achieve those, write them down.
3. Ask the person next to you, for their opinion about the lecture, as you were talking to your sister/brother/cousin. Then after they answer, introduce yourself.
4. If you're uncomfortable introducing yourself, you can practice it in your room every day for an hour until you sound confident. It's often a fake it until you make it.
5. Catch yourself when you think negatively. For example, when you see others sounding comfortable talking to each other. Tell yourself, so what? That's normal. And just because they appear confident, it doesn't mean they are internally. They might be anxious but it doesn't show. Or they might just had a lot of practice because they join clubs or have a job involving people, they are around people a lot, etc. But you can you get a lot of these practices too if you put yourself in social activities and make an effort. Social confidence doesn't happen overnight if they are shy and self conscious. It takes a lot of practice and faking confidence until you make it.
6. Get a part time job if you can where you are forced to interact with the public. You will see when you are forced to interact with people, every single day, eventually you will appear confident. If getting a pt job isn't feasible, join social clubs and events. Take acting lessons.
7. Social interactions can be overwhelming when you are not use to it. Accept any social mistakes and forgive yourself. If you felt slighted or insulted or you said something wrong, or felt so uncomfortable and didn't respond quickly or appropriately, etc., it's normal. You must have self love and determination that you are worth the trouble and hard work. Think of the bigger picture about is this really relevant to keep dwelling on? Will it help you in any way to rehash it? Talk to a counselor.

I have this exact issue. I spent 31 months in a mental hospital and now that I'm out I'm experiencing all sorts of depression and anxiety and self esteem issues. I volunteer at the local humane society and seem to have a girl there that is interested in me but I can't muster up the courage to ask her out. Thinking about it gives me even worse anxiety. Then I overthink the whole situation thinking no she wasn't really that into me I imagined everything and getting all panicky over what will happen if she says no.

Being in that hospital for 2 1/2 years messed me up. I was fine while I was there, even chatted a few girls up but now that I'm out I'm an emotional wreck.

Now that I'm not in a depressive state reading this really made me cringe. I don't even feel like this anymore. Sign I hate need to seek validation from others.