[Aviza]

I cannot get past the many terrible mistakes I made in life. I hate every decision I ever made. I had so many life altering decisions I regret them all. yes I'm in therapy but it doesn't help everything it's probably causing me to reflect too much. I regret getting married to the men I married and divorced all at the same time. I regret everything that caused my brain to crack. I regret the children I didn't have and the responsibility i carry for my sons death. I'm just at a place of no return no fixing the past no recovery, no clue where to go from here.

[Skeezyks]

I'm so sorry you are in this difficult place. But I know how you feel. I'm old now... too old. And, looking back, I also hate (almost) every decision I ever made. Even the few decisions I made that turned out to be good ones came on the heels of some bad decision I regret. And the reality is there's nothing I can do about any of it now. Plus, I often think I'm still making bad decisions. They're just smaller ones due to the fact my world has become so much smaller as I've aged.

I'm glad you're in therapy. I hope you find it to be of benefit. I'm not in therapy. I think about it once in a while. But the reality is it wouldn't change a thing at my age. All it would do is cost a bunch of money in an effort to die happy... or at least a wee bit less sad. I can't justify it.

[eskielover]

Maybe part of not being able to get past the past is that the present may not be as good as you wish.

I have tons of past regrets but in reality I wouldn't be where I am today if none of it had happened. I love my little farm, totally across the country from where I lived all my life. I love my single life after being in a bad marriage for 33 years. I love being independent & responsible for everything in my life & no one else can screw that up. Surrounded by nature & in a peaceful location. Because now is good, it is easy to cancel out the regrets cause I know without those regrets I would not be here.

If here & now wasn't so good, it definitely would be harder to put the past behind

[Breaking Dawn]

Oh my goodness, Aviza! You've been punished enough. It's time to let yourself out of your prison. The courts would have done it long ago. It's time to build a new life, like eskielover has. The Aviza I've always known here is a good person who shouldn't be punished anymore.

[Aviza]

skeezyks I'm past the point of big decisions too. unless I'm about to make more bad ones. I may just like drama. I don't even know if I need therapy anymore now that you mention it. I basically use it to keep me sticking with disability, no longer needed to see my daughter as she's an adult. I'll think about cancelling some of my services.