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Default Jan 17, 2023 at 06:57 AM
  #81
i'm heading towards meltdown mode

i'll never be free from 2012 will i
 
 
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Heart Jan 17, 2023 at 08:50 AM
  #82
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Originally Posted by willowtigger View Post
i'm heading towards meltdown mode

i'll never be free from 2012 will i
Oh my goodness! That's PTSD or CPTSD talking! That's why we are here in our wonderful forums, dear very wonderful willowtigger! We understand & can help each other to get through the painful flashback reminders. Hug, hug, hug!!

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Unhappy Jan 17, 2023 at 10:30 AM
  #83
I’m watching some new movies today on Hulu after and argument with my older brother

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That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Default Jan 17, 2023 at 12:43 PM
  #84
I didn't do much work today, but just let my unconcious mind process today's session. The work I did do, I finished, so I do have some sense of accomplishment.

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Default Jan 17, 2023 at 08:13 PM
  #85
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Oh my goodness! That's PTSD or CPTSD talking! That's why we are here in our wonderful forums, dear very wonderful willowtigger! We understand & can help each other to get through the painful flashback reminders. Hug, hug, hug!!
Be careful what you wish for is all i will say

I wished for the black hole to clear and although its still there, it released two bad memories so far

*His* first arrest the day before my birthday, i remember a police saying about it not being a good birthday present, having a family member arrested

Other memory that the brain black hole released was suicide attempt
 
 
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Heart Jan 18, 2023 at 07:11 AM
  #86
God bless you, with all my heart, dear wonderful willowtigger! I have him in my past, too. And the fear & memories may never go away. But please keep trying to find freedom from the past, dear wonderful friend. .... How am I coping today? How am I able to get through this? Maybe, probably really good, blessed genes, & also from the influence of some really wonderful people I have known throughout my life, whom I continue to give thanks to God for always.

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Default Jan 18, 2023 at 07:46 AM
  #87
I’ve got a medical appointment today so I’m hopeful that may lead to a better treatment option than I currently have. I hate going to the Drs so had to make myself phone, but realise I need to change something.
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Heart Jan 18, 2023 at 08:19 AM
  #88
Good luck with your appoimtment today, Discombobulated! And I hope the rest of your day turns out really nice.

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Default Jan 18, 2023 at 10:22 AM
  #89
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Good luck with your appoimtment today, Discombobulated! And I hope the rest of your day turns out really nice.
Thank you Dawn, you too!
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Default Jan 18, 2023 at 10:30 AM
  #90
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God bless you, with all my heart, dear wonderful willowtigger! I have him in my past, too. And the fear & memories may never go away. But please keep trying to find freedom from the past, dear wonderful friend. .... How am I coping today? How am I able to get through this? Maybe, probably really good, blessed genes, & also from the influence of some really wonderful people I have known throughout my life, whom I continue to give thanks to God for always.
The whole of the internets loves a Breaking

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I’ve got a medical appointment today so I’m hopeful that may lead to a better treatment option than I currently have. I hate going to the Drs so had to make myself phone, but realise I need to change something.
I hope it went well

The whole of the internets loves a disco as well
 
 
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Default Jan 18, 2023 at 02:20 PM
  #91
i went for a walk, and listened did some cleaning..
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Default Jan 18, 2023 at 02:25 PM
  #92
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i went for a walk, and listened did some cleaning..
the whole internets loves a music as well
 
 
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Default Jan 18, 2023 at 03:00 PM
  #93
I think I took a nap, & I sort of remember dreaming something with people in it.

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Default Jan 18, 2023 at 09:41 PM
  #94
It’s been a few weeks where I have been able to control my emotions, distract with reading. I feel really good about this! I am reading The Body Keeps The Score about PTSD. The feelings I have, what the trigger unleashes, is exactly what they describe. Really interesting. They say it is the feeling of not being seen, not being validated, feeling treated as you are not seen and heard, respected. The PTSD reaction of emotional lability is a response to even that perception. However, in my case it is not perceived. It is dealing with my nearest and dearest who truly treat me with that disrespect because they are empathy challenged and really just don’t care enough to respect my boundaries, opinions, wants, needs. I am feeling stronger and better about myself, moving forward.

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Thumbs up Jan 19, 2023 at 10:52 AM
  #95
I been keeping myself busy around my home and journaling my feelings.

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Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Default Jan 19, 2023 at 10:57 AM
  #96
Reading & posting in our forums.

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Unhappy Jan 20, 2023 at 10:44 AM
  #97
I declutter a little from under my bed and watch a movie after my brother who called me for an hour and berated me on the phone for things that were none of his business.

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Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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Default Jan 20, 2023 at 03:44 PM
  #98
Today I managed to hold my anger and accept it. It made everything better. It shrank even, when I held it. And my (bad) fantasies evaporated. I know it's just the beginning of a long road, but I'm grateful to my T for helping me, to myself for having the courage to take it, and even to the panic attacks that first made me go seek help.

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Default Jan 21, 2023 at 01:06 PM
  #99
I haven’t had a meltdown in a month! Things are fine atm with h and I. I’ve smartened up about him, too! He is being supportive of me in dealing with FOO situation. The severe emotional breakdown I had over the discard of my sister actually made me strong and prepared me for dealing with them now. I now understand who they are! No more naive thinking of family being loving and caring for real. It’s all good. I am doing my best for everyone, handling it smartly and professionally. I am feeling good, strong and proud of myself!

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Last edited by TishaBuv; Jan 21, 2023 at 01:07 PM.. Reason: Add more
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Default Jan 22, 2023 at 05:23 PM
  #100
I made myself stay busy

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Everyone can do magic - Cassie Nightgale the good witch.

Dear Diary today will be different today I can smile it will be genuine because today is the day I get to live.

This life will be good and beautiful, but not without heartbreak.

In death come peace. But pain is the cost of living.

Like love, it's how we know we're alive.

And life goes on.

That my life weird, messy, complicated, sad, wonderful, amazing, and above all epic and I owe all to Stephen. - Eleanor Gilbert Vampire Diaries
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