How are you coping today? #7

I got through the day. Went with relatives to an outdoor concert. That was nice. Afterwards, I felt very sad.

I’m going to use my morning custodial time at work to clean the bathroom so my boss and customers will not have access to me.

trying to deal with with my depression

Doing okay today. Talked over some things with my husband and that helped.

I coped by walking away.

I'm coping okay. Today went pretty well.

I vented to my family member about my boss and then I searched the library website for books about how to deal with them.

I am having difficulty at his particular moment. It seems as though whenever I sleep for long periods. I have one of two choices of what the nightmares are going to be about. There is no choice as it is not consciously under my control. 1.)Childhood CSA, or 2.)Combat dreams from my time in the military. I remember my dreams vividly and would like to have one about regular stuff for a change.

forcing myself to read more of my it didn’t start with you how we inherit our trauma self help books to heal my life

Not well at all.
All my 6-7 symptoms have been out of control since I started prozac 8 mths ago including giving me insomnia (totally screwing up my days and nights). My Dr stopped prozac 6 mths ago but nothing at all has changed! (I was sick before prozac but not nearly this sick!). I'm sleeping now but I feel horrible in my sleep - my mood feels horrible in my sleep and I get to bed 5-6AM, wake up several times in terrible mood and get up after noon totally exhausted and in a horrible mood.

This morning I felt absolutely horrible in my sleep and stayed in bed til 3PM. I called my dad and told him I can't go on like this anymore (which I told my Dr last week and he didn't say much) and all my dad has said to me last 8 mths is "I can't help you".
Last 3 wks part of the day is decent after Dr finally decided to give me 3 new meds (which he's been hesitant to do the last 6 mths because he gave me a test in December and my testosterone/adrenal levels were high and he said I needed to see an Endocrinologist badly and added "I can't help you anymore") and for several hrs my symptoms are manageable and I can go out with no problem (I spent last 8 mths in bed due to zero energy and going out was extremely difficult due to energy, irritability and not feeling like myself) but the rest of my day is awful - I have to lay down due to poor energy and mood. (17 ECT treatments totally destroyed my energy 30 yrs ago and it's never been the same since even after extensive exercise.)
Took me 4 mths to see an Endo and she didn't get back to me after 2 mths with my blood test results and she didn't tell me when she wanted me to take the other test. Finally took urinalysis 2 wks ago and her office called last wk and said all my tests were OK. The Endo doesn't want to deal with me because I have psych problems.
Dr added caplyta last wk and said it would help me and my insurance covers it but it's $700! (Pharmacist said caplyta costs $17,000!) I want to take it REALLY bad (because I'm not satisfied with just part of the day being decent - I want the WHOLE day to be good!). So I called caplyta maker and asked if I could get a discount and they said maybe if I get a voucher from my Dr. so I emailed and called my Dr last few days and he never responded!

I may end up in the hospital although I have PTSD from being hospitalized 28 times since 1990 (every hospital between Baltimore and Philly) and they all abused and ignored every time because I can't do anything or relate to people well (I stopped feeling things around family and friends and became very detached from myself when I started dissociating at 13 yr age and it continued into my 20s/30s and I lost all my friends in high school and college because I couldn't hold a conversation - I couldn't talk after I started dissociating because I couldn't feel myself and didn't talk for most of my life and I'm 60 now).
I found 3 hospitals in Baltimore, Annapolis and Philly which sound fairly decent and I'm willing to give the hospital one more chance. I told my Dr 2 wks ago that I wanted to be hospitalized and he didn't say a thing.
Also called a psych hospital on Eastern Shore MD and woman I talked to was condescending. She said "Have you talked to Crisis?" I said "Yes, I called Crisis 6 times the last 3 mths and none of them listened to a thing I said! And 2 of them hung up on me!". She said 'Have you talked to your Dr?" and I said "Of, course. He's been hesitant to do anything". She said "You should call Crisis again or go to the ER". I told her the doctors and psych nurses in the ER in all local hospitals have treated me like crap and so have their psych wards. She then said "This is a forensic hospital and you need to be court-ordered to be admitted". So I totally wasted my time with her.

I'm being very lazy because I'm kind of depressed. There will be a price to pay for this.

I took an extra ambien and slept soooo well. I had the energy to run around and visit my daughter’s family. Then I got back and finished my chores finally emptied the refrigerator and a few more things from the freezer. And ran it right out to the garbage. I only have a shower left and I will have finished my list for the week. Amazing how much easier and energetic I am just from getting quality sleep! Only one thing not on the list, dusting, ugh.

Today, I told someone else I would do it until the next shift arrives. This has not been too bad of a day today.

I'm in a slump.

Quite poorly at times but I see where I overstep my own marks

I came out of a bad time, and though still not great, holding steady.

Today was an okay day.

Still haven't gotten my motor started.

Adding another person to my **** list.

I’m going to spend my morning custodial time cleaning the bathroom in the back of the building so any self centered jerkfaces will have to wait until the office opens before they can try and ruin my day.

Hanging in there despite listening to my friend's rant about yet the next evil plot his wife had unleashed upon him.

"Coming out of my cage, and I've been doing just fine"

The best part of isolation is not having an FP, but I am "coming out of my cage" so hopefully I can just go on my adventures without getting attached to anyone.

forcing myself to deal with my feelings by doing some research

I didn't cope today. I just watched videos and watched birds at my bird feeder and day-dreamed and cried and felt lonely.

I had to push myself to do my Sunday routines. But did and was able to enjoy tv tonight.