Bad experience, though I don't know why.

I had to go today for a treatment for my anemia. I was sent to get some intravenous iron. They sent me to the Cancer Center for this. I don't have any cancer or anything else that's any big deal. (Just a real slow GI bleed that I'm hopeful will heal.)

This Cancer Center is a beautiful facility. I'm real familiar with it because my boyfriend had lung cancer, and I used to take him there for I/V cancer treatments. Maybe that had something to do with how I feel. I got my treatment and then walked out. In the elevator I fell apart.

I have been sobbing since. I can't even breathe through my nose. And there's like an ammonia smell in my nose from crying so hard. I've adjusted to him being gone. I don't feel like this is grief over him. I feel like this is severe anxiety over being so alone.

Most people go for treatments with someone. I go alone. Thankfully, I'm perfectly fine to go alone. I don't have cancer, like most of the people at this facility. Lucky me. Even if I had family nearby, I wouldn't need anyone to drive me just to get some iron. Still, I got awful sad, sitting in this place getting my treatment. Horribly sad. And very anxious. I better calm down.

((((((((((((((((((((Rose 76))))))))))))))))))))

I would be feeling the same as you.

There are several triggers that you dealt with all at once.

I, too, would be crying.

You are so strong, yet I know for me that it sucks having to be strong all the time and brave whilst alone...

Many hugs...

@TheGal - thank you very much. It really helps for someone to understand.

I think it could be a combination of things.

I feel very anxious ever going inside the hospital where my mom passed. It’s a major chain with several different facilities spread out, she was at a central campus. It’s nearly impossible to avoid to ever go there as it’s such a major facility but it always feels so depressing.

The way you felt seems somehow familiar to me. It could be grief or anxiety or loneliness. Human emotions hard to understand.

@divine1966 I think, as you say, it was a combination of things. I'ld gone there in Nov for some I/V iron, and it didn't bother me a bit. I was tired and fell asleep during the infusion. Then I went and ordered lunch at a little coffee shop they have. I left feeling peaceful.

I take it the passing of your mother was not many years back. You sound as though the memories attached to that hospital and its grounds are still easily aroused. I felt like that about the VA hospital where my bf got a lot of care, though he passed away at home.

I really had gotten past a lot of that sensitivity. Since I managed to recover from the awful grief of the first few months after he died, I think I should be able to recover from whatever this is. I do know I need to get out more and be involved with other people.

Right now I feel truly tired, but it feels like I'll have trouble sleeping. Tomorrow I'll feel better, if I get busy with things I've neglected. Too tired tonight.

I'm depressed, but not as severe as my recent episode that I had a thread for. I don't want to lapse into that again.

I need to take care of my apartment and get organized. Also I need to get out of the house. Making a move is very hard.

I have anxiety that I will fail to pull myself together.

Rose, I understand that reaction to the Cancer center, though I haven't lost anyone . When I went there for a blood issue,(not cancer) I started crying in the waiting room and didn't stop till I got home. Just being there brings up so much we'd like to forget. Please take care.

@Calla_Lily12 - Thank you for telling me your experience. It sounds so much like my own. It is comforting when someone can relate, as you have.

I am taking care of myself. I've told them at my primary care clinic that I'm not feeling well mentally. They seem utterly indifferent. Maybe I'm not dramatic enough.

Inpatient care for psych problems is extremely expensive. I was shocked at what my insurance paid for the week I was in the psych hospital back 3 years ago. If my primary care clinic were a bit more responsive, that inpatient stay probably could have been avoided. I feel like I need some help. Not a lot. I feel like some anxiety medication, like Ativan, for a short period, could help me get over a hump, so I can get back to normal. Most of the time I get along pretty well, totally on my own, with no family nearby.

I was very sick this past year. I got admitted to the hospital 3 times. I had 5 blood transfusions. I'm still being treated for a bleeding ulcer. I'm still having to go for unpleasant diagnostic and treatment procedures. I'm being asked to consider major surgery that terrifies me. Someone at my primary care clinic should think to ask, "How are you holding up?" Actually, they do ask. Once every 6 months, a medical assistant reads off multiple choice questions from the computer monitor. You choose from 5 possible responses. (Never, rarely, occasionally, often, every day.) The M.A. reads off the questions and types a check next to the answer I give. That's it. That's "Depression Screening." That's the only evaluation I ever get.

When I answered these questions 3 weeks ago, I gave answers that did reflect my depressed state. You get points for your answers. I guess I didn't rack up enough points. No one else discussed the screening questionair with me. The M.A. hits something on the keyboard, and the depression screening questionair gets moved to an electronic file. They have done their "due diligence."

Some medical facilities are horrible but its still unconscionable that they act so indifferent. Is there anywhere else you could go? Does your Insurance pay for IP psych? Its just so wrong! I'm sorry this is happening in to you.

My primary texted me that she would see about referring me to the psychiatrist who comes to the primary care clinic where I go. I was seeing this pdoc 4 years ago, and I really disliked the man. Just a cold fish. I'll take the appointment and see if he might be able to help me. I got nothing to lose.

Rose could you ask the "cold fish T" if he could recommend someone you could see regularly? I hope it works out.

The cold fish is a pdoc. He might be able to refer me to a therapist. He made no effort to get to know me when I was his patient. I didn't mind much because I couldn't stand the guy. This time I mighy ask him to order me some Seroquel to help me sleep.j