I could use your emotional support right now

So, in another thread I posted about my new job and how I was getting “clues” (subtext etc) that I was going to be fired. Today after work hours, the two attorneys met with me and we had “the talk.” No PIP. Not fired. Just a long talk about my month at this new job with them.

Although I still have my job, I’m DEFINITELY going to apply actively for other jobs now and hope that I can find another job while still employed at this law firm. My belief is that because we had “the talk” a month in, that does not bode well for me working there long term. I could be wrong.

The other thing that hit me like a ton of bricks today. I got my direct deposit paycheck. Great, I thought.

My utility company had other plans. On Monday, they received a $312 grant from the energy assistance program I was accepted due to my low income. That grant money was supposed to be applied to my $812 balance (if you harp on me for not paying my monthly utility bill, walk in my unemployed shoes and then try to balance your budget with just 2 new paychecks while you rideshare drive). So, that would have left me with around $500 to break into a payment plan over 6 months or so. The uility company automatically took my money at 7:15 p.m. 15 minutes after their customer service center closed. I had no idea that they planned to do this to me.

I read on their website that their refund policy can take 2-4 weeks. So, tomorrow I am going to go in person in the morning, to the office of the energy assistance program to ask them to call the utility company to dispute the fact that 1) the utility company didn’t apply my $312 grant money to my balance to lower it and 2) they were not supposed to just “take” $600.00 and owe me that $600.00 back as a total refund.

Located in the same building, fortunately, is the local legal aid office. After I go to the energy assistance program, I will go do an intake with a pro bono attorney at the legal aid office with my situation to ensure that the utility company refunds me my $600.00 in total. And then, works with me to do a smaller payment plan (again, don’t squabble with me about details please).

I already received permission from the two attorneys to work 10-6;30 p.m. at the law firm tomorrow which is fine.

I am a huge ball of stress. No. I have no savings. No, my credit is too low to qualify for payday loans. No my credit union can’t lend me money b/c I am still paying off the line of credit from last year (they tack on interest). No, I have no family or friends who can lend me money. No, I can’t apply for the grant here at PC b/c I already was given that grant earlier this year. No, my sister or brother are not a source of financial assistance for me. (Do not interpret this paragraph as me being negative. I’m simply stating facts in case people wonder before you ask.)

To recap: I can’t get the $600 from another source. I simply have to wait a month to see if I can get legal aid or the county energy assistance program to assist me with getting my full refund of the $600.00

Meanwhile, I owe money for:

-car payment that I’m a month behind on (25 days - repossession happens at 60 days)

-half of my December rent payment (the same amount of the $600 utility bill payment) that was due next Friday.

-my car insurance which is $300

-my cell phone bill

-my internet and cable tv bill

-food for me; food for my kittens

Yes. I can get food at food shelves if I qualify. Since I am employed, I would have to meet the food shelf’s income guidelines. Each food shelf requires that you fill out a form with your income before you can make an appointment to get access to food. My zip code is rotten in that I don’t qualify for the food shelves near me due to my income. I can still call a few places and call 211 for information.

I can’t get a car loan grant (that program in my county and zip code is closed). I checked. Each car loan grant is based on zip code and county.

There are nonprofit animal food shelves where I can go to get kitty litter and food and while those are also county and zip code specific, I can also call ahead to explain my situation and see if they would be flexible with me for not living in the right zip code.

-I can try to find grant money for my car insurance, cell phone bill, and cable/internet. Again, its all income based. Rock and a hard place? I live there, it seems.

My priority is paying my Dec 1/2 rent and my January1/2 rent (I use a rent app that pays my full rent to my landlord between the 1st-5th of the month) and my car insurance (otherwise i can’t drive to my job or rideshare drive).

If I am unable to get the $600 back then I’m really stuck. I thought about calling Lutheran Social Services to speak to a volunteer accountant/debt counselor but I will be $600 short so I don’t know how they can help me budget.

Basically, I have to see if I can physically have the stamina (and realistically, the daily gas tank money available to fill my tank) to rideshare drive for 2-4 hours at night after my daytime work hours.

Every time I rideshare drive, I use gas to drive fares around the city. I have to lose money to make money as a rideshare driver. I have to empty my tank of gas and recoup that money with the first hour of rideshare driving to pay for the second tank of gas that will only cover the 2nd and 3rd hour of rideshare driving. So, each rideshare session i lose money to refill my gas tank, in order to earn money after the 1st hour (exempt of profit b/c that moeny refills my gas tank).

I’m so upset with myself that this happened to me. I didn’t have the money each month to pay towards my utility bill b/c that money went to rent, food, (no SNAP anymore), gas for my car, cellphone, car insurance, food and litter for my 2 kittens and my cellphone, cable and internet and my student loan payment.

I had no idea that the utility company would do this to me and not apply the county funded grant money that they received and I was notified that they received via a letter that I received in the mail this week from the program telling me this information.

I can only hope that this all works out. Thanks for reading.

I don’t understand everyone’s contempt for me here. Am I really that awful?

Motts, I do not have time to read the whole post but I read about "the talk' but not a PIP and your plan to look for another job while still being employed by this law firm. I think it is a sound plan. I echo what somebody has said on another thread of yours: try to get a job as a paralegal and not a legal assistant. You are certified for that, right?

My long post was about how the utility company took half of my paycheck today to pay a utility bill I had grant money from a county program for. Now, I have to wait 2 weeks to 4 weeks to find out if I can get that $600.00 that was taken, refunded back to me. That lack of $600.00 means I can’t pay my rent and basically makes my life very financially difficult until I can get that money back.

Sorry I don’t think it’s personal. I don’t know your time zone but if you post at midnight most people are asleep. I definitely was.

I just got to work and have to hurry up so I can’t post much until a bit later. But I think it’s a good plan to go there in person and also talk to a legal aide. Maybe they could help to expedite your refund.

I didn’t know food banks ask for a proof. It’s crazy. Who’d go to a food bank if they don’t need one. I’d call local churches if they have anything they are running around holidays? Food pantry? Describe dire situation and I am sure they have something.

Post on nextdoor. Describe your situation. I know in my area people will drop food and pet supplies at your door if you are in need or will tell you where you can get free stuff, no proof needed

Have you considered applying for the community fund here? If not maybe try that?

I don’t think there’s contempt for you, although I really do know how painful it is when no one replies- it’s normally because people either don’t see it or do not know what to say - I’ve experienced that.

Keep in touch with us here. People do care.

Mott’s said she already did earlier this year

Cancel cable. Do you have Verizon? You can sign up for $30 a month internet through them. There are other cheap internet options with no cable. Having no cable saves a ton of money every month

I checked and many food banks and pantries and soup kitchens by me do not ask for a proof. They might ask about your situation but no actual proof will be asked of you

Start looking for cheaper car insurance. I live in the state with one of or actually the most expensive car insurances and I never paid 300 a month. That seems very high

Thank you for everyone’s posts. Will definitely look into everything mentioned.

Sorry, was in a hurry this morning- that’s tough.

That is very tough Motts, and to have to show up at work and put in days of concentrated work at a new place while barely trying to survive is beyond challenging.

I don't normally come in this part of the forum but just happened to today.

Also try Jewish Family Services and Catholic Charities. They do not require that you be Jewish or Catholic to assist you. The intake will be similar to Lutheran Social Services.

I don't know where you are, but each of my utilities with the exception of my water company offer assistance programs.

The 2-1-1 phone system is available throughout the country. They can help you locate rental assistance, pet assistance and food/utilities assistance. Call 211 for Essential Community Services | United Way 211

I totally forgot about Jewish Family Services. Absolutely. Intake is easy. Basic form
and you are so right that they don’t ask if you are Jewish. I assume Catholic charity operates similarly

Wow thanks for everyone's responses and input and advice. I really appreciate your support.

Today was a terrible day. After I overheard the female lawyer was speaking to her supervisor (another partner in the law firm) about her meeting with me and the other male attorney. Now granted, that's not a problem. It only becomes a problem if the person they're talking about OVERHEARS them - which is what happened today. The female lawyer told me that I could knock/open her door if I needed her, even when her door was closed. So, as I went to open her office door, I overheard her telling her supervisor (another law firm partner who KNOWS my cousin, another attorney!!) about how "I don't that what I told Motts sunk in. I don't think she gets it." Etc. etc. I was ****ing floored. Their previous legal assistants QUIT (I think ) because they were left alone with zero training with regard to supporting this female attorney and the other male attorney.

The issue then becomes, did I eavesdrop intentionally? Did I wait 30 seconds by teh door listening b/c I heard my name? No, and yes. I heard that awful female attorney betray my trust and my confidence, the way she bashed me to her supervisor. Granted, what other people say about me is none of my business ONLY when it doesn't impact my job. But she is one of my two supervisors. If she thinks I"m a bag of ****, yet the day before tells me she thinks I'm doing great...what am I more likely to believe when she speaks out of both sides of her mouth? I went to one of the founding partners and shared what I overheard. At first she was sympathetic and gave me positive feedback about how well I'm doing being so new. Then, an hour later after speaking to her fellow law firm partner and that horrible female attorney, changed her tune and gaslit me focusing on my eavesdropping meaning that I lack character and that i misunderstood the female attorney's perspective. ********. The female attorney got caught trash talking her own employee and rather than show me respect by apolozing, she and the male attorney went on with their day as though I was invisible. And I had to endure a ****ing office christmas party right after that conversation with the founding partner.

No workplace environment is 100% toxic-free. I know this. I was caught off guard and had I not said anything, my job would still be in jeopardy of being terminated anyway since that female attorney's true feelings are that she doesn't respect me or even think I am capable. It took every ounce of strength for me not to quit on the spot b/c I need that paycheck. Sure, I could quit and rideshare drive full-time. I could make the same if not more driving 8 hours that i do sitting there taking on that toxic female attorneys' bullying for the ****** pay of $40K. Do I regret my actions speaking to the founding partner? Hell no I'm 52. I have no time for ********. They are grown adults. The fact that the snarky other law partner and that female attorney made zero effort to apologize to me speaks volumes. I'm not mad that they were conferring behind closed doors. I'm disappionted and disgusted that they literally don't care about the way they treat their hourly staff at this law firm. Maybe all law firms are toxic as ****. Maybe I have no business working for anyone in an office setting (as my work history reflects) and should just go do my rideshare driving and be happy with that.

Maybe I should have pursued an entirely different path void of corporate America and any office work. I am disgusted that two women in leadership roles, could be so ****ing catty and such bullies. The male attorney offered me a cookie made by the female law firm patner who is the supervisor of the female attorney. I threw it in the garbage when he wasn't looking. I don't know if he offered the cookie to me knowing the whole context of the situation although the founding partner told me she spoke with him and with the female attorney, who deflected attention off of her ****** behavior towards me, by crying and acting hysterical according to what the founding law firm partner observed during her conversations with them both. The same way a naughty child who got caught doing something bad, deflects attention away from themselves by throwing a tantrum. A trantrum is a way to distract them from being held accountable for their behavior.

Everyone left before 5 p.m. and it was just me, the female attorney and her paralegal, and the firm admin who threw the office christmas party. The female attorney pretended I didn't exist when her paralegal was with me showing me how to do a task. She just stood at my cubicle, speaking to her paralegal like I wasn't even there. That seems very emotionally immature to me. What i wish would have happened (1) I never heard her trash talk me (2) she at least respected me enough to apologize after the fact (nope, that definitely didn't happen) or (3) her supervisor apologized to me (nope). Im a legal assistant so I don't matter. My feeings are moot. I'm a peon.

I will be SHOCKED if I'm not fired by tomorrow. Shocked. I reached out to a previous temp agency recruiter who I actully like (I know, crazy, considering how much disdain I have for the recruiters in my past). She said, "I GOT YOU!" so, I hope to god she finds me something! My goal: find a new job within the month of January and one that is full-time, while I put up with the toxicity at the law firm unless they fire me tomorrow. I deserve to be treated with respect. I don't confront anyone. I show up and do my job and go home. I don't incite office drama for attention. I just accidentally lingered outside my supervisor's door when i heard my name and her saying terrible things about me. I felt betrayed. Disrespected. Hurt. What should I have done? Walk away and get a thicker skin and play the part while I look for another job secretly? Too late for that one. Secret's out. Yes, I know pride comes before a fall. It was prideful for me to stand there and eavesdrop yet at the same time, I felt like it was a turning point that meant this job was not for me. I made it this long and then BOOM this happened and now I'm possibly being fired and back in dire financial straits. I can't believe the attorney who knows my cousin, would act like that with me. Makes no sense. What the hell did he say to her about me? I wonder.

I am applying for other jobs after work hours too.

Everything is income based in my county and city. I lost my SNAP benefits b/c of my job. I lost my medical assistance bc of the income guidelines. So I have to reapply for the other tier of county medical care UCARE which means I make monthly payments towards it. Also, some food shelf intake forms rquire you to fill out how many times you've visited that food shelf. Most food shelfs limit their attendance; one near my apt only allows you to visit it 2 times before you are restricted for 5 months before you can visit it agian. Lots of arbitrary rules with food shelves. Another food shelf won't allow people who have SNAP to use it, for example. Rock and a hard place, food shelves. Not available to everyone like its believed. Nope.

I have to figure this out. I have to land on my feet. I have to be successful. What do I do?

Also, if you are on Facebook, join your local Buy Nothing group and post asking for necessities. People will contribute, if my local group is representative of the movement (I do not know since I have not been in other groups). Some people will even be willing to drop off, but in other cases you will need to pick up. These groups are micro-local, so not the entire zip code but just a few adjacent neighborhoods. Thus there is not a lot of driving involved. This maybe a way to get fresh produce, home cooked food... what you won't get from a food pantry.

I'm sorry you're struggling right now Motts. You asked "What do I do?" I'm not sure if you meant about your financial situation or your job, but I have some counter questions: what do you want to do? What kind of job do you really want? What kind of environment do you see yourself in?

Are you seeing a therapist?

It sounds like you've got some good ideas from ppl here, re getting help with your financial situation. 👍

Just came back to say that I hope it all works out for you. It sounds like you have a plan, too. You reached out to a recruiter who was kind and responsive! Woot! Life is so hard sometimes, and, people are stupid. I've come across that a lot myself in employment.

At the moment, I can't think of any other resources that people here didn't already mention. Hugs!

Hi WovenGalaxy -

My question asked applies to my job and my finances and my life....

thanks for your response. I don't want to work at this law firm anymore. Gossip from managers about their employees is illegal in most states, b/c of the way it creates a hostile work environment for everyone.

When Gossip Creates A Hostile Work Environment in California..

Since the founding partner I spoke to covered her law partner associate's behind, along with the female attorney who I overheard gossiping about me to the associate law partner - I have grounds to sue the 3 of them if I had the financial means, for creating a hostile work environment for me.

The easiest way out of this shitstorm of course, is to find a financial way of life that aligns with my sense of self, my values, my creative goals, my personal goals, my professional goals. I thought that was to be a paralegal (and maybe it still is). The more blogs I read online about how law firms are toxic and hostile work environments due to the nature of the work and lack of a health management system of employees, the quicker I want to find another income stream that fulfills me and doesn't run me down.

Maybe work in a library. My neighbor does. He was a paralegal and left the field for the same reason (toxic work environment). That said - libraries can be toxic work environments too. Essentially, every work environment has different levels of toxicity I suppose. So, there's no escaping it.

Had I better people skills maybe I could maneuver around this shitstorm at the law firm better. I'm going into work today assuming I'll be fired. I will be shocked if I'm not. The christmas office party done, now the dust will settle and the chess game begins. I suck at chess, too. I'm terrible with strategy. I lack it.

These people stick together b/c they can and what they have to lose is just a warm body (me). They can hire and train another legal assistant.

My training in leadership (ok, that's the strategy I referenced) is limited to the fact that I have yet to apply the strategies i spent the past 3 years learning about and analyzing while studying work place environments.

I could become a consultant like my professors and be paid to analzye toxic work environments and provide realistic solutions/fixes. I thought about becoming a coach of some sort to people (not therapist, not personal coach but career coach). I enjoy a job where i help people connect to resources that can help them. Maybe a social services job for my county? Library assistant? Paralegal that's remote so I don't have to deal with people's ******** and office politics b/c I'm at home? These are ideas that I'm currently mulling over.

I'm dreading work today. I know what's coming. The hammar on my actions of listening to my boss gossip about me to an associate law partner who knows my cousin. The ripple effects of their actions....

Meanwhile, my kitten is still sick. I did apply for a nonprofit grant to cover vet costs so we'll see if I get it.

I forwarded the article I found to my work email. I am gonig to print if off ths morning as a refresher for when the hammar goes down on me, so that i have some valid talking points to arm myself with.

I didn't know that about office gossip - that you can sue and that it's against the law, that's interesting. I agree, gossip does create a negative and hostile work environment.

That is a really difficult place to be in: having been talked about, overhearing, bringing it up, their response...no wonder you're worried about being fired. You have my sympathy over this, really.

I like all of your ideas regarding other jobs, including the possibility of sticking with paralegal, if that works for you.

I totally agree that any job can be toxic. I'll have to take your word that many places are. Though I'm beginning to think that myself. I will say I worked in a very toxic library, years ago. But I've known people who work in libraries and love it. And no two libraries are the same. I say look into it. Try out all your ideas, if you want.

I want to also rephrase what I said about other people being stupid. I have personally just found some situations with certain coworkers and group dynamics to be challenging and upsetting. I think I have some trigger points that are set to "high," unfortunately. Maybe you can relate? If not, apologies, and feel free to ignore this part. Gossiping in the work place type stuff is a type of thing that would bother me too and at the very least, put me on alert with the person doing the gossiping. In terms of problem-solving... I've got more of the focus on myself with stuff like this, because...I can't change anyone else.

You brought up people skills and while I'm sure you have people skills(!!!) it doesn't hurt to learn more. I think learning people skills, or even just examining our own behavior and part in an interaction can be helpful. Creating boundaries in our interactions and regulating our emotions around difficult interactions...maybe that's part of people skills too.

Keep us updated about your situation if you want.

I hope you get the grant for your kitten.

I don't know you, but I'm surprised if lots of people feel contempt for you here. What can we do better to help you feel welcome, dear one?

I have a suggestion, being a long time old lady here. How about breaking up your concerns and putting them in different areas? I've found that folks feel uncomfortable with long threads and tend not to read or post on them. For instance, post about job concerns in a job area, post about a sick pet in the pets section, etc. Believe me we pet owners are very sympathetic! Then you're likely to find people who can relate more to what happening to you. And will read your posts and get busy responding. (Of course, remember that none of us are professionals--just people who also have problems and are trying to help each other!)

It sounds like folks are working hard to give you their advice, though. We do care. I'm sorry it doesn't seem like we don't sometimes.

Librarians can actually work in variety of fields, not just traditional libraries (knowledge managers, law librarians, researchers in variety of venues etc), but you need masters degree in Library studies (or library sciences) and informational technology (or similar).

If you work in the library but aren’t a qualified librarian, you will be an assistant with a low salary. You’d be back to square one. Low pay. The only way to survive on low pay is to always work two jobs and it could get rough.

What are your degrees in and could those lead to more gainful employment? Not saying to get rich but be able to pay your bills. Is there a career center in the university you graduated from? Could they help? Narrow down your career options? There might be something out there that you maybe don’t know about. Some jobs just aren’t advertised widely

MLIS is a very valuable degree with a growing number of applications. I also recommend looking up jobs on https://inalj.com/ to see what you can qualify for now and what you would be able to qualify for if you get an MLIS.